

{"id":45812,"date":"2020-02-14T07:03:07","date_gmt":"2020-02-14T07:03:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=45812"},"modified":"2022-11-27T05:20:13","modified_gmt":"2022-11-27T05:20:13","slug":"hvalentines-day-and-family-dysfunction","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/family\/hvalentines-day-and-family-dysfunction\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Valentine\u2019s Day and Family Dysfunction Without Getting Crazy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-45819 size-full\" title=\"How to Handle Valentine&rsquo;s Day and Family Dysfunction Without Getting Crazy\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/How-to-Handle-Valentine%E2%80%99s-Day-and-Family-Dysfunction-Without-Getting-Crazy.jpg\" alt=\"How to Handle Valentine&rsquo;s Day and Family Dysfunction Without Getting Crazy\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Valentine&rsquo;s Day is not just for intimate lovers, it&rsquo;s also an opportunity for families to celebrate love amongst each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what if you were involved, or engaged in a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/clinmedjournals.org\/articles\/jfmdp\/journal-of-family-medicine-and-disease-prevention-jfmdp-3-059.php?jid=jfmdp\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">dysfunctional family<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What can you do, to diminish the crazy making on an important day like this while also taking care of family dysfunction?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For the past 30 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and master Life Coach David Essel has been helping families learn how to heal, deal with family dysfunction, especially around Valentine&rsquo;s Day.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Below, David gives his thoughts on how to celebrate the holidays with a dysfunctional family.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Celebrating-Valentine%E2%80%99s-Day-with-dysfunctional-family\"><\/span>Celebrating Valentine&rsquo;s Day with dysfunctional family<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;A few&nbsp; years ago, a 25-year-old woman signed up to do <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/first-marriage-counseling-session\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">counseling sessions<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with me via Skype, just before Valentine&rsquo;s Day because she did not want to see a repeat of what happened for the past several years.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As she began her story of family dysfunction, her eyes welled up as she said &ldquo;David, ever since I was a little girl all I wanted was my parents to get along on Valentine&rsquo;s Day, and all I ever see is arguments,&nbsp; <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/healthy-arguments-are-necessary-to-make-a-marriage-work\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">arguments<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, between them and the rest of our family.&ldquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The more we <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">worked together<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the more she started to see that she had a role in the family dysfunction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because she wanted Valentine&rsquo;s Day to be so special, she continued to aggravate her parents, by reminding them how in the past Valentine&rsquo;s Day&rsquo;s have always been filled with chaos and drama.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are you in a situation like this? It doesn&rsquo;t matter if you&rsquo;re 15 years of age or 90, if you come from a dysfunctional family it can be very hard during certain holidays to feel connected and at peace.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, watch this video on common characteristics of a dysfunctional family.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/EkVOBhJbMj8\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here&rsquo;s a couple things to think about, during the Valentine&rsquo;s Day season if you do come from a family of crazy making.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>How to handle Valentine&rsquo;s Day and family dysfunction<\/b><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Nobody-purposely-makes-the-V-Day-a-lousy-day\"><\/span>Nobody purposely makes the V -Day a lousy day<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understand that the chaos and drama coming from your family has probably been handed down for generations. Family dysfunction does not happen overnight and out of a conscious choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s very rare that family members purposely wake up on Valentine&rsquo;s Day and say, let&rsquo;s make this a lousy day.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But rather, if we are raised in an environment where certain holidays are neglected, or if they come with the baggage from the past of chaos and drama,&nbsp; there is a pattern set in the subconscious mind which is almost like a knee-jerk reaction, not a conscious decision to wake up and make Valentine&rsquo;s Day a terrible day, but rather just something that is sitting in the subconscious that we have repeated ever since we were kids growing up.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Disengage-to-alter-the-reactions-of-people-around-you\"><\/span>Disengage to alter the reactions of people around you<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-45815 size-full\" title=\"Disengage to alter the reactions of people around you\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Disengage-to-alter-the-reactions-of-people-around-you.jpg\" alt=\"Disengage to alter the reactions of people around you\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In our new top-selling book, &ldquo;<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.in\/Love-Relationship-Secrets-Everyone-Needs-ebook\/dp\/B083D83JVR\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Love and relationship secrets&hellip; That everyone needs to know<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">!&ldquo;, we go into great detail about utilizing a tool called disengagement, when you want to alter the reactions of people around you that are normally filled with chaos.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Disengagement is simply deciding that<\/span><b> you&rsquo;re going to surrender to the moment, not give your opinion, not give your advice, but rather take a big breath and allow the day to unfold as it will.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As I shared this last tip with my client, she instantly woke up!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;David, I can see that every year when I start complaining before Valentine&rsquo;s Day, asking my family to make this a day different from Valentine&rsquo;s Day in the past, I might be adding to the chaos and drama!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&rsquo;m going to just let it all go, and see what happens if I can do it differently this year maybe I&rsquo;ll have a different end result.&ldquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And what happened shocked her.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of constantly talking for seven days before Valentine&rsquo;s Day about how this was going to be a better, different year, she just kept her thoughts to herself, but started putting around the house pictures of hearts, and even her own personal definition of what Valentine&rsquo;s Day means to her.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And it worked.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By her disengaging, and not bringing up the negative patterns that have happened in the past, Valentine&rsquo;s Day was a much calmer experience for her and everyone in her family.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An older brother even remarked to her that it was the first Valentine&rsquo;s Day in years where she did not create <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/chaos-and-drama-in-your-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">chaos and drama<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> by complaining about the past every day leading up to the sentimental holiday.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And this year?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">She recently told me she&rsquo;s going to continue to do the same thing she did last year.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Disengage, disengage, disengage from bringing up the family dysfunction and dreading the worst.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re at odds with your lover, or family, or friends over the holiday this year, consider disengaging.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Just-separate-yourself-from-the-insanity\"><\/span>Just separate yourself from the insanity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/archive.org\/details\/recreatingyourse0000napi\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">move farther from all the crazy making of a dysfunctional family<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> see if life doesn&rsquo;t become a little calmer on this &ldquo;day for love&ldquo; then in the past.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">David Essel&lsquo;s work is highly endorsed by individuals like the late Wayne Dyer, and celebrity Jenny Mccarthy says &ldquo;David Essel is the new leader of the positive thinking movement.&ldquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">His work as a counselor and Life Coach has been verified by <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage.com<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. He has been verified as one of the top relationship counselors and experts in the world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">His newest top-selling book , just released in time for Valentine&rsquo;s Day, is called &ldquo;Love&nbsp; and relationship secrets&hellip; That everyone needs to know!&ldquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For more information on all that David does please visit <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/davidessel.com\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">www.davidessel.com<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Valentine&rsquo;s Day is not just for intimate lovers, it&rsquo;s also an opportunity for families to celebrate love amongst each other. But what if you were involved, or engaged in a dysfunctional family? What can you do, to diminish the crazy making on an important day like this while also taking care of family dysfunction? For the past 30 years, number one best-selling author, counselor and master Life Coach David Essel has been helping families learn how to heal, deal with family dysfunction, especially around Valentine&rsquo;s Day. Below, David gives his thoughts on how to celebrate the holidays with a dysfunctional <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":253,"featured_media":45819,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[39],"tags":[2660],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45812"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/253"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45812"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45812\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":59576,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45812\/revisions\/59576"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/45819"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45812"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45812"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45812"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}