

{"id":43709,"date":"2019-12-05T10:48:39","date_gmt":"2019-12-05T10:48:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=43709"},"modified":"2024-12-06T09:06:27","modified_gmt":"2024-12-06T09:06:27","slug":"why-emotional-validation-is-so-important-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/why-emotional-validation-is-so-important-in-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Emotional Validation &#038; Its Importance in Relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-43712 size-full\" title=\"Why Emotional Validation Is so Important for Couples in a Relationship\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/Why-Emotional-Validation-Is-so-Important-in-Relationships.jpg\" alt=\"Why Emotional Validation Is so Important for Couples in a Relationship\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How many times have you come home from a stressful day of work or experienced a stressful situation throughout the day and come home to tell your partner how you felt and they responded by saying, &ldquo;I am sorry, that stinks, or you should have done this instead of that.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In these moments, you likely did not feel supported by your spouse and instead felt alone or judged.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many couples do not effectively show emotional validation. They do not understand how to validate someone&rsquo;s feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Due to the limited emotional validation each partner receives within a marriage or couple, there is increased frustration and hatred.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is emotional validation and why is it important?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-emotional-validation\"><\/span><b>What is emotional validation?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many people have the wrong understanding when it comes to emotional validation. Instead of learning <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-build-empathy-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how to show empathy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and start validating feelings, we end up invalidating them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Validating emotions doesn&rsquo;t just mean rephrasing what your partner is saying but instead showing an understanding through your words, actions, and gestures.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is emotional validation in relationships?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional validation is when one partner understands and accepts the other partner&rsquo;s emotional experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Validating feelings in a relationship revolves around acceptance, respect, understanding, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5513638\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">empathy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and genuine care for your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to start validating feelings.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why-is-emotional-validation-important-for-couples-in-a-relationship\"><\/span><b>Why is emotional validation important for couples in a relationship?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a person receives emotional validation within the dynamic of a marriage, they feel supported and that their feelings are genuine and valued.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The individual experiencing an emotionally distressing situation feels a sense of certainty in their responses, which leads to feeling emotionally stronger when they receive emotional validation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the contrary, when one does not receive emotional validation, they may feel rejected, ignored, or judged by their partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A sense of rejection from one&rsquo;s partner can lead to an increase in fights or lead to further feeling disconnected and alone. This is why validation is essential in any relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-signs-of-emotional-validation\"><\/span><b>5 signs of emotional validation&nbsp;<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you feel validated, you will feel heard and loved. It opens doors for <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/practice-self-compassion\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">self-compassion<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and self-love and gives your relationship a beautiful sense of understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What would happen to a relationship if the couple knew how to validate someone&rsquo;s feelings?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are signs that you and your partner share emotional validation in your relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. You are not afraid to share your feelings<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We all feel afraid, drained, sad, and even depressed. When we feel alone or invalidated, our invisible wounds become worse. Therefore, emotional validation in relationships is vital.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It gives us a haven to let out our feelings and not worry about being judged. Feeling accepted and loved, even with all your not-so-attractive traits is a big deal to anyone.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/signs-he-has-strong-feeling-for-you\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">26 Signs He Has Strong Feelings For You<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>2. You gain strength<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Validation definition includes being heard and being accepted. Once you have someone who can do this for you, you will feel stronger.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With all the stress, challenges, and doubts in life, validation from your partner is one great way for us to regain self-compassion, self-confidence, and even <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/steps-to-practice-self-love\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">self-love<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. You feel better<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One sign you are receiving emotional validation is when you feel better and feel rejuvenated. Even if you are physically, mentally, and emotionally tired, having someone who knows how to validate your feelings will somehow lift some of those burdens.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. You feel loved<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, wouldn&rsquo;t we feel lucky and blessed to have a partner who knows how to validate our feelings? If you have an experience with someone who invalidates you, you will understand the difference and the importance of emotional validation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We can show love in many forms, and emotional validation of your partner is one way to let them know you love them.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Also Try: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/what-makes-you-feel-loved-quiz\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Makes You Feel Loved Quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>5. You have a strong support system<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter how resilient we are, we all need a strong support system. When you are emotionally validated, then your <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">mental health<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> will definitely improve.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can you imagine a couple who practices validation psychology techniques?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They would be happier, more resilient, and have <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/secret-to-deeper-connection\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">deeper connections<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and communication. Who wouldn&rsquo;t want to experience this?<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-practice-emotional-validation-as-a-couple\"><\/span><b>How to practice emotional validation as a couple<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-43713 size-full\" title=\"How to validate someone's feelings\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/How-to-validate-someones-feelings.jpg\" alt=\"How to validate someone's feelings\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To effectively emotionally validate your partner, here are simple steps you can follow. Using these, you can ensure that your relationship is heading in a healthier direction.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Stop what you are doing and listen<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Acknowledging feelings starts when you listen. Remember that you won&rsquo;t be able to genuinely validate your partner&rsquo;s emotions if you do not give your full attention to them. This means you need to stop looking at your phone, turn off the television and make sure you face your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Doing these shows your partner that you are eager to listen and you&rsquo;re not just doing it to get it over with. Your partner will feel if you are sincere or not.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Besides, when you share your feelings, you&rsquo;d also want your partner&rsquo;s full attention.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Understand your partner&rsquo;s emotions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before you tell your partner you understand where they are coming from, you need to genuinely feel it. Once your partner is ready to unburden their heart, it&rsquo;s just right for you to listen empathically to what this person is going through.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember that actively listening and understanding go hand in hand. If you can picture the scenario and try to vibe the emotion of the situation, then you will understand the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many couples end up invalidating their partners&rsquo; feelings because they think they already know the situation. Then, they rush to offer advice.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Understand what contributed to their feelings<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning to validate emotions will also be based on understanding your partner&rsquo;s situation. What contributed to their feelings?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will understand the situation&rsquo;s history and ensure that even if the story is long, you can maintain your interest.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s a good sign if you can relate to the story, but avoid trying to stop them mid-story to share your own experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember that this isn&rsquo;t about you but the person talking to you. Nodding is also an example that you are following the story and you&rsquo;re listening.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Practice unconditional positive regard<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When responding to their distressing situations, work to show unconditional positive regard.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But, you may ask, what is unconditional positive regard?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unconditional positive regard is when you can offer empathy, support and accept that person or the situation, regardless of the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is this possible? What if you disagree with the situation?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This happens, and often, we are tempted to invalidate their beliefs and feelings. When you practice unconditional positive regard, you allow yourself to have a broad understanding of the things beyond your beliefs and be able to emphasize instead of judging.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Demonstrate genuine understanding<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being able to show genuine understanding is an example of emotional validation. Can you imagine a person pouring their entire self to you, showing you their weakness and what they are thinking?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s challenging to open up only to experience invalidation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So let us be mindful when our partners are opening up. Genuine concern and understanding, no matter the situation, allows them to realize that they are entitled to their feelings and don&rsquo;t have to hide them.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/understanding-relationships\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Improve Understanding in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>6. Ask follow-up questions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There will be times when your partner would pause or accidentally omit details. This happens when they are too emotional.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tell your partner to elaborate on their story when you have the opportunity. You can ask clarifying questions that will give more detail on the scenario.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This would also help you understand the situation more. It&rsquo;s also great to show your partner that you&rsquo;re really invested in their story.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have you heard of mirroring statements? It&rsquo;s when you can repeat your partner&rsquo;s words back to them using your own set of words, much like rephrasing their statements.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This will show them you truly understand everything they are saying. It&rsquo;s one of the best emotional validation examples.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Avoid blaming your partner<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Validating feelings can turn into invalidation real quick. That&rsquo;s why it&rsquo;s best not to exaggerate emotions or be quick to blame your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if your intentions are good, be careful with how you react. Remember that this person in front of you needs you to understand and listen.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Say your partner is talking about a misunderstanding at work that escalated because she lost self-control over the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;It would have been better if you remained calm, right?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if your <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/files.eric.ed.gov\/fulltext\/EJ1247031.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">tone of voice<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is caring, the statement invalidates your partner&rsquo;s emotions and situation.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, adjust your energy level in sync with their mood and response. For example, curb unnecessary enthusiasm when sharing a personally distressing narrative.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Refrain from giving unsolicited advice and watch the tone of your voice.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To understand why we love blaming our partner, watch this video:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/CO9BvJTpR2c\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Learn how to use validating statements<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s normal to worry about saying the wrong things, that&rsquo;s why it&rsquo;s also important to know the different emotional validation phrases that you can use.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> We are going to get through this.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> It makes sense that you feel&hellip;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> I believe in you.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Your emotions make sense.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> What you are thinking\/feeling is normal.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> I would feel the same way.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> It sounds like you are feeling ____.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> You must feel devastated<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> We can talk about this for as long as you need.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> I value your ability to&hellip;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Listening to these phrases will make anyone feel better instantly. Sometimes, all you need is someone to emotionally validate what you&rsquo;re feeling and remind you that you are not alone.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Offer help or encouragement<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This will depend on the situation. Before offering your partner feedback, advice, or encouragement, analyze the situation first.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some people will let you know when they are ready. Sometimes, just being there to listen is the best help.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In any event that your partner does need your help, make sure you have given emotional validation first. This will set a positive mood and remember not to use negative words.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s also better not to use words that <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/articles\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2018.00939\/full\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">promise <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">or give false hopes. What do we mean by this?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes, to support our partner, we say, &ldquo;I will never leave you,&rdquo; or other statements that are not possible. We can&rsquo;t always be there for them.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/encouraging-communication-with-your-spouse\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">10 Trusted Tips For Encouraging Communication With Your Spouse<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>10. Re-validate your partner&rsquo;s feelings<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional validation in relationships also includes re-validation. What is this?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s always nice to remind your partner that you understand them. It&rsquo;s a way for you to remind them you still think their feelings are valid.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s a way to reiterate your concern, understanding, and kindness towards your partner&rsquo;s emotions.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Overall, you&rsquo;re reminding this person that you understand without judgment. This would uplift anyone who is undergoing trials. It gives them strength and the mindset that they are strong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lending a bit of your time and understanding can make an enormous difference in a person&rsquo;s mental health.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-79584\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/07\/New-Project-2022-07-28T173919.016.jpg\" alt=\"Man kissing woman on forehead\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Happy-partner-happy-life\"><\/span><b>Happy partner, happy life<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning about emotional validation may be new to some, but learning its value and how it affects each of us makes a huge difference.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All of us will experience a situation where we need to know that our feelings are validated and that someone we love and care for understands us.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Validating feelings in a relationship makes your partner feel cared for. When you invalidate your partner, it makes them feel guilty or wrong for having those feelings and sharing them with you.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This can seriously sabotage your relationship with your partner. Not just that, this worsens their negative emotions and can weaken their mental health.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In any healthy relationship, it&rsquo;s important to validate your partner emotionally and enjoy a sense of solidarity and fulfillment in your relationship. Remember, you are on the same team! Be there and offer your support.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How many times have you come home from a stressful day of work or experienced a stressful situation throughout the day and come home to tell your partner how you felt and they responded by saying, &ldquo;I am sorry, that stinks, or you should have done this instead of that.&rdquo; In these moments, you likely did not feel supported by your spouse and instead felt alone or judged. Many couples do not effectively show emotional validation. They do not understand how to validate someone&rsquo;s feelings. Due to the limited emotional validation each partner receives within a marriage or couple, there <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":653,"featured_media":43712,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[2510],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43709"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/653"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=43709"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43709\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":106152,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43709\/revisions\/106152"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/43712"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=43709"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=43709"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=43709"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}