{"id":42599,"date":"2019-10-04T06:55:30","date_gmt":"2019-10-04T06:55:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=42599"},"modified":"2026-03-30T09:04:13","modified_gmt":"2026-03-30T09:04:13","slug":"saving-marriage-after-divorce-papers-are-filed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/saving-marriage-after-divorce-papers-are-filed\/","title":{"rendered":"Saving Your Marriage After Divorce Papers Are Filed"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-42601 size-full\" title=\"Saving Your Marriage After Divorce Papers Are Filed\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Saving-Your-Marriage-After-Divorce-Papers-Are-Filed.jpg\" alt=\"Saving Your Marriage After Divorce Papers Are Filed\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unfortunately, up to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/divorce-child-custody\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">40-50% of marriages end in divorce<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The figure is dropping in recent years. But a lot of experts interpret that as a fluke when analyzed with another statistic that shows the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.womenshealthmag.com\/relationships\/a19567270\/average-age-of-marriage\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">average age men and women marry<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is at an all-time high.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These days, most people skip the &ldquo;experimental&rdquo; first marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They mature individually as singles and then head straight to what used to be the common second marriage age way back pre-1970&rsquo;s. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cohabitation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is also on the rise. Skipping the ceremonial and legal intricacies of marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When we were young, marriages were promised to be the &ldquo;happily ever after.&rdquo; goal that we are supposed to achieve in life. Reality has a different idea than Disney fairy tales.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some marriages are complete disasters.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It makes people wonder why they even got married in the first place. That aside, some divorces are just an overreaction, couples are bound to have conflicts, some even lasts for years.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">7 out of the 10<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> most common reasons for divorce is just one thing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unresolved differences.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One or both partners refuse to understand and adjust to their preferences. There are times when reality hits them like a freight train when served with divorce papers.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">According to <\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\" target=\"_blank\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz<\/span><\/a><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">, LCSW:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">The reality is that no two people are entirely the same, and divorcing doesn&rsquo;t necessarily mean that either partner will find someone more compatible in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">For this reason, it&rsquo;s often beneficial to consider reconciling, even if things have gotten so bad that one or both parties have agreed to file for divorce.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Things change, and they start thinking about saving their marriage after divorce papers are filed.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Recommended &ndash; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/marriage-courses\/save-my-marriage-course\">Save My Marriage Course<\/a><\/h3>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-stop-a-divorce-after-filing\"><\/span>How to stop a divorce after filing<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/7IM0nikuPxM?si=KT5jZJrJk6_ChqVg\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div class=\"subscribeYT_highlight\"><div class=\"subscribe_channel\">\r\n            <div class=\"subscribe_text\">Join millions <span class=\"sub_text1\">building healthier, happier<\/span> <span class=\"sub_text2\"> relationships.<\/span><\/div>\r\n            <a class=\"subscribe-btn-in-content\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@Marriagedotcom?sub_confirmation=1\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/youtube_icon_small.png\" class=\"icon-left\" alt=\"YouTube\">\r\n            <span>Subscribe<\/span>\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/bell_icon_new.svg\" class=\"icon-right\" alt=\"Extra Icon\">\r\n            <\/a>\r\n        <\/div><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorces require the consent of both parties.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The moment it is filed, lawyers start the process (and their billing) to complete it with a favorable conclusion for their clients.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, it is far from final and executory. It is still possible to reconcile after divorce papers are processed, but the chances of reconciliation after divorce is few and far between.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The advantage of trying to work things out once the papers are filed is that one party will inform the other (and willing to swear an oath to a Judge) why they want out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But that&rsquo;s the only upside to it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also possible that the reason is oversimplified or an outright lie. But if one party is seriously thinking about saving their marriage after divorce papers are filed, it tells them where to start.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A lot of underlying problems in a marriage is the elephant in the room.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That is especially true if <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">infidelity is involved<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. One or both partners coast through life and their relationship hoping the problems would go away on their own.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They refuse to deal with the situation at hand, and in the end, it manifests in different ways which result in those common reasons for divorce. That is why therapists and counselors spend a lot of time trying to figure out the nature of that elephant.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In its simplest form, to save a marriage after divorce filing is to get the plaintiff to stop the proceedings. Here are some suggestions on how to reconcile a marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Attend-marriage-counseling\"><\/span>Attend marriage counseling<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Counselors and therapists may be expensive, but they are a lot cheaper than lawyers and divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are serious about saving your marriage after divorce papers are filed, money is not the issue. Be honest and patient when discussing matters with your therapist and make the necessary changes in your lifestyle.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Jennifer Jacobsen highlights that:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>A marriage counselor offers a neutral perspective, and they can provide you with strategies for improving communication and viewing your problems in a more solvable way.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Apologize-and-mean-it\"><\/span>Apologize and mean it<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-42602 size-full\" title=\"Apologize and mean it\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/Apologize-and-mean-it.jpg\" alt=\"Apologize and mean it\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A lot of marriages could be saved by throwing away one&rsquo;s pride and apologizing for their faults. Then, making the necessary changes to fix the issue.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A lot of conflicts are long-running gags that would fill up an entire season of &ldquo;Everybody loves Raymond.&rdquo; Most people wouldn&rsquo;t file a divorce because they keep forgetting to keep the toilet seat up. However, if it results in arguments every day of the week and twice on Sundays, then it becomes a whole different issue altogether.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Effort-effort-and-more-effort\"><\/span>Effort, effort, and more effort<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reconciling after divorce proceedings or separation has begun is practically impossible if the defending (by legal definition) party does not make an effort to fix the matter at hand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if you don&rsquo;t know what the issue is, common sense and past history will tell you what makes your partner tick.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make a conscious effort to change and woo back their feelings and get them to appreciate you again.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-reconcile-a-marriage-after-divorce\"><\/span>How to reconcile a marriage after divorce<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In absolute transparency, the chances of reconciliation after filing for divorce is very low.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unless you are willing to fight an uphill battle to keep your family together, you must be ready to sacrifice life and limb to achieve it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is also the added challenge of having <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/dealing-with-separation-anxiety-symptoms\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">separation anxiety<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to the emotional roller coaster that usually comes during divorce proceedings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So don&rsquo;t even bother thinking about the science of it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Looking up statistics such as &ldquo;how often do divorced couples reconcile&rdquo; and &ldquo;how many couples reconcile after separation&rdquo; will only get you depressed even further.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The odds are low, deal with it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorce reconciliation is a lifetime challenge and if you feel that it is still worth it, then fight. It might be the most important decision you will ever make in your life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is plenty of advice out there, but they can be summed up into one. &ldquo;Get your shit together.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communicate and make an effort to change.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the other party is stubborn and refuse your advances, try again. Marriage is a two-way street and if you want to save yours then get your ass moving and force your partner to accept you.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever you do, do not do anything illegal. Trust me, it will only make things worse.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Relax-and-clear-your-head\"><\/span>Relax and clear your head<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are married to your partner, and before that, you were in a romantic relationship with them for a significant amount of time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You should know how to woo them back, you and only you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Saving your marriage after divorce papers are filed is a challenging project, and it will push you emotionally, physically, and mentally as a person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But marriage is also a commitment, you promised to stay together in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and whatever else you promised each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now is the time to work on that and save your marriage. If you have no idea where to start, then you probably deserve to be divorced.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Unfortunately, up to 40-50% of marriages end in divorce. The figure is dropping in recent years. But a lot of experts interpret that as a fluke when analyzed with another statistic that shows the average age men and women marry is at an all-time high. These days, most people skip the &ldquo;experimental&rdquo; first marriage. They mature individually as singles and then head straight to what used to be the common second marriage age way back pre-1970&rsquo;s. Cohabitation is also on the rise. Skipping the ceremonial and legal intricacies of marriage. When we were young, marriages were promised to be the <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":42601,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[2676],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42599"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42599"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42599\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":119163,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42599\/revisions\/119163"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/42601"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42599"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42599"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42599"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}