![\"How](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/07\/How-Being-Cheated-on-Changes-You.jpg\" "\\"How")
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Being cheated on doesn’t just smother you in pain and despair. It makes you question your very identity and the foundation of your beliefs. With your world shattered into tiny pieces, being engulfed into darkness, you might wonder how being cheated on changes you. <\/span>Most importantly, how do you recover<\/b>? <\/span><\/p>\n How do you deal with the devastation that follows after you have corroborated your partner’s transgressions? <\/span><\/p>\n It’s not about suspicions of guilt from a flirty text or a rumor you heard from a friend. This is when you have absolute proof or a confession that your<\/span> partner cheated on you<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n The first thing you need to do is connect to your emotions without reacting. <\/b><\/p>\n Clearly, that’s easier said than done. You might be imagining destroying your spouse’s car or cutting up the “other” woman or man into a hundred pieces with a kitchen knife. Nonetheless, acting on those fantasies is a terrible idea with long-lasting consequences on you.<\/span><\/p>\n The initial shock of finding out you’re getting cheated on will take days, maybe even weeks<\/b>. In a sense, you’re experiencing the first stage of Elizabeth Kubler’s stages of grief. <\/span><\/p>\n Despite the criticism of that model, as described in this <\/span>paper on the subsequent models of grief,<\/span><\/a> you might still recognize some of the stages as you deal with betrayal. <\/span><\/p>\n Regardless, it’s important not to make any rash decisions during this time because you won’t be in control, your emotions will be doing all the deciding.<\/b> Besides, how being cheated on changes you and how you view yourself and the environment you live in.<\/span><\/p>\n Give yourself time before you and your partner discuss options.<\/b> That doesn’t stop you from managing the immediate shock and sleeping in separate bedrooms of course. Nevertheless, divorce or breakup isn’t always the final decision. <\/span><\/p>\n In some cases, couples discover that the betrayal was a symptom of bigger problems<\/b>. They finally agree to work through them together and actually end up stronger on the other side. <\/span><\/p>\n Usually, you do this with a therapist and it can take time. Nevertheless, it is possible to recover if you both wish to fight for the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n It’s worth noting that how being cheated on changes you by also giving you more compassion.<\/span> We all make mistakes and you don’t know what you’ll want to do later down the road when you discover forgiveness. <\/b><\/p>\n Remember that forgiveness doesn’t condone bad behavior. It releases you from anger and revenge. <\/b><\/p>\n Before you can truly embrace how infidelity changes you, you might be reviewing your choices: <\/span><\/p>\n Clearly, not all those choices will feel like they’re under your control. Nevertheless, how being cheated on changes you because you have a choice with how you respond to the trauma. <\/span><\/p>\n The long term effects of being cheated on range from anxiety to depression and even a form of PTSD. That’s not to say you can’t recover but it does take effort and patience. <\/b><\/p>\n First, acknowledge your emotions and observe your inner critic. <\/span>It’s easy to let anger or hate overwhelm you. Instead, challenge your inner critic to see other viewpoints.<\/b> The more you broaden your views, the more clearly you’ll see the way forward. <\/span><\/p>\n Then there’s the matter of how being cheated on affects future relationships. Sadly, some people find it difficult to ever trust again. Nevertheless, <\/span>you can make a point of reaching out to trusted friends or even professional help. <\/b><\/p>\n With professional help, you’ll learn your habits and how to look out for warning signs of potential cheaters. As this<\/span> review of personality factors on infidelity<\/span><\/a> shows, some traits, such as extraversion and agreeableness, combined with the right environment could increase the chances of cheating. <\/span><\/p>\n Although, <\/span>don’t fall into the trap of blaming everyone else<\/b>. How being cheated on changes you such that you can also look at yourself and what role you play in the dynamic. <\/span><\/p>\n Again, a therapist can guide you through this. Together you will learn how to develop a healthy attachment style in relationships with future partners. <\/span><\/p>\n When considering how infidelity changes you, you can look at both external and external factors. Clearly, your relationship will change, one way or another, but so will you. <\/span><\/p>\n How being cheated on changes you in your own unique way. Nevertheless, these 15 points are the most common challenges you might face. <\/span><\/p>\n One of the major effects of being cheated on is that you find yourself grieving who you once were. <\/span>Whichever way you look at it, there is a before and after ‘you’. <\/b><\/p>\n Only you can truly define how being cheated on changes you though. To give you an example, some women feel that they lose a piece of their innocence. <\/span><\/p>\n Others find that they see their reality with fresh eyes. The old world with clear roles and perfect lives is gone. So, who is the new you in this new perspective of unknowns?<\/span><\/p>\n As a therapist explains in her article on<\/span> self-grieving<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>the process is a critical part of healing. It’s a way of facing the pain with self-compassion so that you can embrace the new you and eventually move forward.<\/b><\/p>\n Being cheated on changes you at your very core. Suddenly, the one person you trust the most betrays you. <\/span>As a consequence, you no longer know what to believe and nothing seems certain anymore.<\/b><\/p>\n As you chase an ethereal certainty, you might start feeling that there is no meaning in life. You’ll also start noticing just how empty you feel. <\/span><\/p>\n The danger is that you could end up in a vicious circle of comparing yourself to others on social media, leading to depression. <\/span><\/p>\n It’s important to note that men and women aren’t that different when considering how being cheated on changes you as a man. <\/span>Both of us lose trust in ourselves, in relationships and life in general. <\/b><\/p>\n Part of discovering the new ‘you’ is also learning how to trust again. So, <\/span>don’t give up on friends and family as they can still show you the good in people. <\/b><\/p>\n It almost goes without saying that your inner belief in yourself will be shattered. In essence, infidelity makes you doubt yourself with questions such as “what did I do wrong”. <\/span><\/p>\n The guilt might turn into shame especially if you feel you didn’t commit enough time to the relationship. Whilst nothing forgives infidelity, it helps to remember that we are all human and we all cause harm to others at some point either knowingly or unknowingly. <\/span><\/p>\n Part of rebuilding your <\/b>self-esteem<\/b><\/a> is to be kind to yourself about how you approach life. As you connect to your humanness, you might find it easier to extend compassion to your partner. <\/b><\/p>\n When wondering how being cheated on changes you, ask yourself what your beliefs are on relationships. <\/span><\/p>\n For example, should we be monogamous or could there be other ways to experience romantic relationships? Although, this<\/span> Institute for Family Studies article on whether monogamy is unnatural<\/span><\/a>, shows there are no clear cut answers. <\/span><\/p>\n What about true love forever? How much do you believe in true love as an expectation, a right or simply luck? <\/span><\/p>\n What matters is that infidelity impacts your beliefs. These will then determine how you move forward. <\/b><\/p>\n So, does getting cheated on change you? Both yes and no. Every experience we have in life changes us no matter how small. <\/span><\/p>\n Interestingly, as this <\/span>NPR article on how personality changes over a lifetime<\/span><\/a>, we now know that your traits evolve. <\/span>Moreover, major life events can have such an impact that your personality changes even if the fundamental base feels similar. <\/b><\/p>\n The impact of how being cheated on changes you depends on your response. So, you can either fall into despair and the victim loop. Alternatively, you can embrace life’s challenges and use them to get to know yourself more deeply. <\/span><\/p>\n This<\/span> Atlantic article on “There’s more to Life than Being Happy”<\/span><\/a> summarizes a few studies including one that shows that <\/span>negative events allow you to find more meaning in life. But we have to choose our attitude to life first. <\/b><\/p>\n Being cheated on changes you such that you reassess how you relate to life. Expectations only lead to suffering but the wiser approach is to see and accept people for who they are. <\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps your partner has self-esteem or sexual drive issues? This isn’t about excusing infidelity but about finding a way to move forward. <\/span>Harboring anger and resentment only causes you mental distress without achieving anything good for your well-being.<\/b><\/p>\n So, when considering how being cheated on changes you, and once the initial anger has subsided, you might discover a pool of compassion you never knew you had. <\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps then you can make peace with the fact that mistakes happen and that we are all human and imperfect. <\/span><\/p>\n Stanford psychology professor and director of the Social Neuroscience Laboratory, Dr. Jamil Zaki, briefly talks about how his parents’ divorce changed the way he viewed things in his book <\/span>The War for Kindness<\/span><\/a>. He explains how he worked at connecting with both parents without shutting down in anger. <\/span><\/p>\n You too can choose compassion over anger if you truly want to<\/b>. Watch Dr. Zaki’s Ted talk on empathy as a starting point. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>What are your choices when getting cheated on? <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>What’s next? <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Recover and move on from being cheated on <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>15 ways on how being cheated on changes you<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Feelings of grief <\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Existential dread <\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Loss of trust <\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>15 Reasons for Lack of Trust in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
4. Crushed self-esteem <\/b><\/h3>\n
5. New perspectives<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>How Seeing Things From Your Partner’s Perspective Can Boost Your Love<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
6. Your response is a choice<\/b><\/h3>\n
7. Reassess expectations <\/b><\/h3>\n