{"id":39494,"date":"2019-06-25T09:03:50","date_gmt":"2019-06-25T09:03:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=39494"},"modified":"2024-04-30T12:25:23","modified_gmt":"2024-04-30T12:25:23","slug":"extramarital-affairs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/extramarital-affairs\/","title":{"rendered":"Extramarital Affairs: Warning Signs, Types and Reasons"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Extramarital<\/p>\n

Infidelity breaks a relationship.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

As people spend more time outside of their home, away from their spouses, in office or social gathering, extramarital affairs are on the rise.<\/span><\/p>\n

Having an attraction towards someone and appreciating someone are two different things. Sometimes, people ignore the <\/span>warning signs of <\/span><\/i>extramarital affairs and by the time they realize, they’re in the advanced stage where there is no coming back.<\/span><\/p>\n

It is important for everyone to understand what extramarital affair means, why do people have it and how you can identify it and stop before it’s too late.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What does having extramarital affairs imply?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

So, what does extramarital mean? In a literal sense,<\/span> extramarital affair means having a relationship<\/span><\/a>, emotional or physical, between a married person and another one, other than their spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is also termed as adulterous. Since the individual is married, they try to hide it from their spouse. In some cases, they end their affair before it sabotages their personal life, and in some cases, they continue until they’re caught.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Stages of extramarital affairs<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

So, how do extramarital affairs start? Broadly, extramarital affairs can be<\/span> defined in four stages<\/span><\/a>. These stages are explained in detail below.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Vulnerability<\/b><\/h3>\n

It would be wrong to say that marriage is always strong and has the strength to fight any challenge that comes in front of it.<\/span><\/p>\n

There comes a time when marriage is vulnerable. You both are trying to adjust and compromise a certain thing just to make your marriage<\/a> work. This may lead to some unsolved issues, resentment or miscommunication that may take you on the path to infidelity.<\/span><\/p>\n

Grady Shumway<\/a>, LMHC, says<\/p>\n

Addressing vulnerabilities requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges together. By fostering a supportive and emotionally fulfilling connection, couples can strengthen their bond and reduce the likelihood of affairs.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Gradually, the fire burns out between the couples and one of them starts to look for it outside their institution.<\/span><\/p>\n

This happens unknowingly when one of them finds out someone with whom they don’t have to pretend or to make any compromises.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Secrecy<\/b><\/h3>\n

The second stage of extramarital affairs is secrecy.<\/span><\/p>\n

You have found the one who is able to keep the spark alive<\/a> in you, but he\/she is not your partner. So, the next thing you do is you start meeting them secretly. You try to keep your affairs under the wrap, as much as possible.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is because deep down you know you’re doing something wrong. Your subconscious mind is well aware of it thus the secrecy.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Discovery<\/b><\/h3>\n

When you’re involved with someone outside of your marriage, your actions change.<\/span><\/p>\n

There is a change in your behavior and your spouse discovers this eventually. You spend most of the time<\/a> away from your house and your spouse. You hide a lot of information about your whereabouts. Your behavior towards your partner has changed.<\/span><\/p>\n

These small details leave out a clue to your extramarital relationship and you’re caught red-handed one fine day. This discovery can turn your life upside down, leaving you in an awkward situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Decision<\/b><\/h3>\n

Once you’re caught red-handed and your secret is out, you have the very important decision to make – either to stay in your marriage by leaving behind your affair or to move forward with<\/span> your affair and walk out of your marriage life<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

This two-way junction is very delicate and your decision will affect your future. If you decide to stay in the marriage, then you’ve to prove your loyalty, yet again. If you decide to walk out of your marriage, then you will have to<\/span> consider alternatives<\/span><\/a> to your responsibility towards your partner and family.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Discovery\"<\/p>\n

<\/span>Why do extramarital affairs happen?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Infidelity<\/span><\/a> or affairs, аt thеіr соrе, аrе аbоut lоngіng аnd a dеер nееd for еxtеrnаl vаlіdаtіоn.<\/span><\/p>\n

Whо dоеѕn’t lіkе ѕоmеоnе tеllіng thеm thеу lооk оr ѕmеll gооd, оr соnfіrmіng thаt аnоthеr реrѕоn іѕ аttrасtеd to thеm? Whо dоеѕn’t lіkе to fееl thаt ѕоmеоnе vаluеѕ thеm?<\/span><\/p>\n

Agаіn, mаnу іndіvіduаlѕ thаt have an affair аrе nоt “fаllіng іn lоvе” with the оthеr реrѕоn; thеу аrе “fаllіng іn lоvе” with thіѕ nеw, wоndеrful іmаgе of thеmѕеlvеѕ—аn іmаgе thаt’ѕ rесеіvіng рrаіѕе аnd еxtеrnаl vаlіdаtіоn.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Reasons for extramarital affairs<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

So, why do extramarital affairs happen? Know some reasons of extramarital affairs:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Dissatisfaction from marriage<\/b><\/h3>\n

As mentioned above, there comes a time when people are vulnerable in a relationship. They’ve unsolved issued and miscommunication that leads to<\/span> dissatisfaction in marriage<\/span><\/a>. Because of this, one of the partners starts looking out for satisfaction outside of the marriage institution.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. No spice in life<\/b><\/h3>\n

The love spark is needed in a marriage to keep this going. When there is no spark left in a relationship, the love has ended and spouses feel nothing for each other, one of them gets attracted to someone who is able to ignite the lost spark again.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Parenthood<\/b><\/h3>\n

Parenthood changes everything. It alters the dynamics between people and adds another responsibility in their life. While one is busy managing things, the other might feel a little aloof. They bend over to someone who can provide them the comfort they’re looking for.<\/span><\/p>\n

Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> Are You Ready for Parenthood?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
4. Midlife crises<\/b><\/h3>\n
Midlife crises can be another reason for extramarital affairs. By the time people reach this age, they’ve fulfilled the family requirement and have given enough time to their family. <\/span><\/p>\n
At this stage, when they get attention from someone younger, they feel the desire to explore their younger self, which eventually leads to <\/span>extramarital affairs<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n
Grady Shumway further adds,<\/p>\n
Addressing midlife crises involves understanding underlying feelings of dissatisfaction or unfulfillment and seeking healthier ways to navigate these emotions. Open communication, support, and professional guidance can help couples weather the challenges of midlife crises and strengthen their relationship bonds.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Check out these tips on how to deal with midlife crisis:<\/span><\/p>\n