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Anger is a normal, natural emotion. It alerts us to a situation that we perceive as unjust, unfair, and perhaps out of our control. We can feel anger when something makes us feel inadequate, vulnerable, at risk or helpless.<\/span><\/p>\n Feeling angry is something we do in the present, but it can be related to an event that happened long ago. When we carry our anger around, it can have a corrosive effect on us and our interpersonal relationships. <\/span><\/p>\n How to let go of resentment and anger? Let’s examine these emotions and look at ways that we can both recognize why we are angry and find strategies to let it go.<\/span><\/p>\n We all feel anger. It’s a natural emotion that we all feel because of different triggers. It could be because of betrayal, frustration, or due to pain, either physical or emotional.<\/span><\/p>\n Everyone may express their anger, and if you could do this healthily, you avoid creating resentment overtime. If a person doesn’t express their anger, it causes so much negativity in a person’s life.<\/span><\/p>\n Stress, physical signs, and even resentment are some things that you can feel if you don’t know how to properly express your anger.<\/span><\/p>\n If, for some reason, a person’s anger can’t be expressed, it doesn’t go away. It actually turns into resentment. Like a seed, if you plant resentment, it grows until you can no longer take it, and it explodes.<\/span><\/p>\n Resentment in a relationship is a feeling of deep-seated and lingering anger, bitterness, and even disappointment to your partner that arises from a perceived neglect and mistreatment.<\/span><\/p>\n Both resentment and anger can both be toxic for a relationship. A person who feels resentment towards their partner will not be happy as they constantly have this heavy feeling of mistrust, anger, and distance between the two of them. In fact, it grows overtime.<\/span><\/p>\n Sadly, this affects both the <\/span>couple in the relationship<\/span><\/a>. It prevents their relationship from growing and their hearts from flourishing.<\/span><\/p>\n There is no one definite list that causes both anger and resentment. It’s different in every situation, but they share some common factors.<\/span><\/p>\n It’s one of the most common reasons we feel resentment and anger. It’s all because of disappointments. Even if your partner says sorry, or makes it up to you, there’s already that pain of your expectations not being fulfilled. This may cause anger, and overtime, resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n Maggie Martinez<\/a>, LCSW, says<\/p>\n It is important to be aware of what your expectations are and whether you have been clear about communicating them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Another cause of anger and resentment is a perceived injustice or unfairness. The feeling of being treated poorly or being lied to can definitely create a deep feeling of resentment not only to your partner but also to the people involved.<\/span><\/p>\n Stressful situations, including financial matters, are also common reasons a person could feel resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n When a person is dealing with external pressures such as <\/span>financial difficulties<\/span><\/a> or work-related stress, they may be more likely to become resentful or angry in their relationships as they feel like they are the only ones putting effort.<\/span><\/p>\n Maggie Martinez adds,<\/p>\n They may also feel that their partner isn’t noticing that they are stressed or financially struggling, which can lead to more frustration.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n That’s right, traumatic experiences or hurt can contribute to anger and resentment. Past mistakes, lies, and infidelity could all cause resentment. It’s one of the hardest to deal with.<\/span><\/p>\n There could be many reasons people feel anger and resentment. It also depends on how one perceives these situations and how they react to it.<\/span><\/p>\n These are related emotions, but anger is something you feel mostly in the present, whereas resentment is felt about something that happened in the past. <\/span><\/p>\n What is the difference between anger and resentment?<\/span><\/p>\n Resentment is anger from the past carried into the future, like a heavy piece of luggage that weighs you down constantly.<\/span><\/p>\n When you reflect on a long-ago injustice and you start feeling a flood of negativity, that is resentment. People can hang on to resentments for decades. We all know of someone, perhaps a family or a celebrity, who has had an inter-family riff which has split them apart for years, right? <\/span><\/p>\n Long-standing resentment is hurtful to the person harboring it, hence the saying<\/span> ““Holding on to a resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n The truth is, letting go of resentment is never easy. Over time, it becomes more painful, but you also feel like you can’t just throw this emotion away.<\/span><\/p>\n Getting angry and feeling resentment can be justifiable emotions. Do not feel badly about having these. It’s how you move forward with them that is important. Let’s see how to let go of anger and resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n Recognize that you are in control. Anger and resentment are strong feelings. We can often feel like they are controlling us. This is unhealthy, because it is giving away your agency. <\/span><\/p>\n It is helpful to remember that you are in the driver’s seat, and that you can control the way you react to outside forces, be they people or events.<\/span><\/p>\n Here is how to let go of resentment and anger:<\/span><\/p>\n Identify and name the reason that you are feeling angry or resentful. What is making you hurt or fearful? This shifts the focus from the anger to the source of the anger. <\/span><\/p>\n Just sit with it for a moment. Observe it. Allow it to exist. Tell yourself that you see it, you respect its right to be there. <\/span><\/p>\n Imagine it existing in its own space, with a protective wall all around it, allowing it to be there but not encroach on your well-being.<\/span><\/p>\n This will require brutal <\/span>honesty<\/span><\/a>, but it is helpful to examine if you may have contributed to these circumstances. Take responsibility.<\/span><\/p>\n Maggie Martinez comments,<\/p>\n When you take responsibility for what you have done, you can begin to fix what the core of the issue is.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Replace angry thoughts with positive mantras. Practice some self-calming techniques, such as circle breathing, meditation, yoga, mindfulness, and staying in the present. Go have a relaxing massage, a cup of herbal tea. <\/span><\/p>\n Stay away from energy drinks and caffeine as these will raise your heart rate which in turn can make you jumpy and anxious<\/span>. <\/span><\/p>\n If your work colleagues are constantly complaining about workplace conditions or how unfair the boss treats them, it can be tempting to join in. <\/span><\/p>\n Try to avoid this so that you can focus on how to effect positive change rather than just be drawn into the drama. It is much healthier for you to be the change leader than to just sit around expressing how unjust life is and how you can do nothing about it.<\/span><\/p>\n If you can, try to change your perspective towards the person who caused you to feel resentment. It’s another great way to learn how to let go of resentment because you recognize no one is perfect, all of us have our own struggles in life, and we all make mistakes.<\/span><\/p>\n Once you’ve understood that, you’ll feel empathy and see that your partner has many other <\/span>good qualities<\/span><\/a>, and the source of your resentment doesn’t define this person or your future together. This also opens your heart to feel forgiveness.<\/span><\/p>\n Hearing people say to just let go of resentment may seem straightforward and definitely difficult. However, if you try to practice gratitude, then it could help – a lot.<\/span><\/p>\n You’re with this person today because you still believe there’s a chance for your relationship. From there, if you can, list all the things that you are grateful for.<\/span><\/p>\n Is this person sweet, thoughtful, a good provider, a good father, maybe?<\/span><\/p>\n Try to see all the good sides and feel grateful for them. These steps allow us to realize that if we focus on the things that caused the resentment, then that is all that we would see.<\/span><\/p>\n Dealing with anger and resentment can be stressful and tiring. Therefore, you should also <\/span>practice self-love<\/span><\/a>. Would you want to spend most of your time feeling that heavy burden in your chest?<\/span><\/p>\n Love yourself enough to actually want to let go. Love yourself to where you know you don’t deserve this negative emotion in your life. You can practice learning how to express your anger, or any other negative emotions so you can finally let them go.<\/span><\/p>\n Remember that your partner doesn’t know what you are feeling; only you can feel that heavy resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n Struggling with self-love and don’t know where to start? Try this 3 easy steps by Andrea Schulman, a well-known lifestyle coach:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<\/span>What is anger in a relationship?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>What is resentment in a relationship?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>What is the root cause of anger and resentment?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Unmet expectations or disappointment<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> How to Deal With Disappointment in Relationships: 10 Ways<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
2. Perceived injustice<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Stress<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> 20 Causes of Stress in Relationships and Its Effects<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
4. Trauma<\/b><\/h3>\n
<\/span>What is the difference between anger and resentment?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>15 ways to let go of anger and resentment in a relationship<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Put a name on the ‘what’<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Be present with the anger and resentment<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> How Much Resentment do You Have Towards Your Partner?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
3. Ask yourself if you have a role in this anger-producing situation<\/b><\/h3>\n
4. Practice expressing things in a anger and resentment<\/b><\/h3>\n
5. Calm your mind <\/b><\/h3>\n
6. Don’t get caught up in collective anger and resentment<\/b><\/h3>\n
7. Change your perspective towards the person<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> How Perspective Helps Your Relationship Grow<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
8. Always be grateful<\/b><\/h3>\n
9. Practice self-love<\/b><\/h3>\n