

{"id":37003,"date":"2019-04-22T06:36:36","date_gmt":"2019-04-22T06:36:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=37003"},"modified":"2023-03-13T12:49:15","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T12:49:15","slug":"sexual-trauma","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/sexual-trauma\/","title":{"rendered":"Achieving Meaningful Relationships After Sexual Trauma"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-37005 size-full\" title=\"Achieving Meaningful Relationships After Sexual Trauma\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/Achieving-Meaningful-Relationships-After-Sexual-Trauma.jpg\" alt=\"Achieving Meaningful Relationships After Sexual Trauma\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rape and sexual trauma are more prevalent than we are all led to believe.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to the US National Sexual Violence Resource Center,<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nsvrc.org\/statistics\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">one in five women were raped<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> at some point in their lives. It gets worse, an FBI study shows that only<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/qz.com\/1561822\/rape-statistics-two-thirds-of-rape-cases-are-never-cleared\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">four out of ten rape cases<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are reported. That&rsquo;s an interesting figure considering to extrapolate it, you need to know how many rape cases actually occur.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If it&rsquo;s unreported, then such a figure doesn&rsquo;t exist.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It should be a classic case of you don&rsquo;t know what you don&rsquo;t know, but FBI magic numbers aside, what we do know is it does happen to a lot of people, and an overwhelming majority of victims are women.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Life-after-sexual-assault\"><\/span>Life after sexual assault<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Victims of sexual trauma and assault have long-lasting psychological effects.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is especially true if the perpetrator is someone the victim trusts. They develop confidence issues,<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/genophobia-fear-of-sexual-intercourse-2671745\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">genophobia<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">,<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/fear-of-sex-2671739\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">erotophobia<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and in some cases contempt for their own bodies. All of the above are a hindrance to a healthy and intimate relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexual abuse<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> trauma can last a lifetime, it can prevent victims from having meaningful relationships or destroy ones that they have. Their fear of sex, intimacy, and trust issues will make them cold and distant to their partners, breaking down the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It will not take long for their partners to notice the sexual trauma symptoms such as lack of interest in sex and trust difficulties. Only a small minority will conclude these as manifestations of past sexual trauma and abuse. Most people will interpret it as an obvious lack of interest in their relationship. If the victim of sexual trauma is not willing to discuss their past for various reasons, the relationship is hopeless.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the other party is able to figure it out over time or the victim told them the reason why they are having trust and intimacy problems, then the couple can work on it together and overcome the negative effects of sexual trauma.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Recovering-from-sexual-trauma-and-abuse\"><\/span>Recovering from sexual trauma and abuse<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the couple is on the level regarding the past sexual trauma, then it would be easier for the partner to sympathize with the victim&rsquo;s actions.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, healing sexual trauma or abuse is not an easy task. If the couple wants to try to do it themselves before approaching a professional here are some things they can do to alleviate the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Do-not-force-the-issue\"><\/span>Do not force the issue<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No is no. If the victim refuses to get intimate, stop. They are suffering from sexual trauma because someone forced the issue in the first place. If you want them to get over it someday, make sure you don&rsquo;t make them relive the same experience with you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sweet words, marriage, and other justification will only make things worse. A majority of sexual trauma patients were victimized by people they trust. Continuing your course of action after a refusal will only prove that you are the same as the original perpetrator.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That would prevent them from having a meaningful relationship with you, forever. So don&rsquo;t make that mistake, not even once.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Be-comfortable-discussing-the-matter\"><\/span>Be comfortable discussing the matter<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-37006 size-full\" title=\"Be comfortable discussing the matter\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/Be-comfortable-discussing-the-matter.jpg\" alt=\"Be comfortable discussing the matter\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the most dominant feelings victims of sexual trauma and abuse feels is a shame. They feel dirty, defiled, and used. Showing contempt to their situation even indirectly would make them retreat further into their shell.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Talking about it helps the healing process. The victim may voluntarily discuss it at some point, but if they don&rsquo;t, then wait until they are ready. It is possible to get over the entire ordeal without sharing their experience. Talking about it with someone they trust shares the burden. But there are people, and you never know who these people are, who can break through by themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If they did end up discussing it, do not reserve judgment and always side with your partner. They need to know that it&rsquo;s not their fault and it&rsquo;s all in the past. You have to reassure them that they are now safe, protected, and you will never let something like that happen again.reserv<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Keep-it-a-secret\"><\/span>Keep it a secret<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Confidentiality is important. The circumstances don&rsquo;t matter, but never let anyone else know about the incident. Do not use it as leverage in any form, even if you eventually break up with the person.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Walking through it together as a couple will strengthen your trust and bonds, even if the details were never revealed.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do not let the unknown eat away at your subconscious, every person has a dark past, but it&rsquo;s in the past. But if it is also directly affecting the future, then that&rsquo;s what you as a couple can work together in the present.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It will undoubtedly strain the relationship, and most couples will have a hard time coping with both the past incident and hardships it brings in the present. Sexual trauma is not a small matter, if things get too hard, you can always<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/importance-of-sexual-abuse-counseling-for-adults\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">seek professional help<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Hiring-a-therapist\"><\/span>Hiring a therapist<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Going through the healing process of sexual trauma and abuse as a couple is a right choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It should be a journey for two. Abandoning the victim will only reinforce their trust issues. Having a professional to guide you on your journey increase the chance of success and mitigate the damage to the present relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexual trauma therapy conducted by professionals is based on studies from other patients suffering from the same problem over the past few decades. The couple won&rsquo;t grope in the dark and figure things out as they go. A professional will have a clear plan backed by successful case studies.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexual Trauma by definition is<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.helpguide.org\/articles\/ptsd-trauma\/recovering-from-rape-and-sexual-trauma.htm\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a form of Post-traumatic stress disorder<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It manifests with the feelings of guilt, shame, helplessness, low self-esteem, and loss of faith. Even if the physical damage heals, the mental and emotional anxieties linger on. The good thing is the entire disorder is curable with the right treatment and lots of love.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Supporting your victimized partner wholeheartedly and if they are willing to move forward with their healing journey with you, then it&rsquo;s already a meaningful relationship. Once the couple is able to overcome the sexual trauma together, it will be more meaningful than ever before.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Rape and sexual trauma are more prevalent than we are all led to believe. According to the US National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women were raped at some point in their lives. It gets worse, an FBI study shows that only four out of ten rape cases are reported. That&rsquo;s an interesting figure considering to extrapolate it, you need to know how many rape cases actually occur. If it&rsquo;s unreported, then such a figure doesn&rsquo;t exist. It should be a classic case of you don&rsquo;t know what you don&rsquo;t know, but FBI magic numbers aside, what we <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":37005,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[85],"tags":[2713],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37003"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=37003"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37003\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":45056,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/37003\/revisions\/45056"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/37005"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=37003"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=37003"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=37003"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}