{"id":33397,"date":"2019-01-29T06:20:47","date_gmt":"2019-01-29T06:20:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=33397"},"modified":"2023-04-26T07:54:25","modified_gmt":"2023-04-26T07:54:25","slug":"what-happens-in-marriage-counseling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/what-happens-in-marriage-counseling\/","title":{"rendered":"What Happens in Marriage Counseling"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-33425 size-full\" title=\"What Happens in Marriage Counseling\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Expert-Roundup-Tells-You-What-to-Expect-in-Marriage-Counseling.jpg\" alt=\"What Happens in Marriage Counseling\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Virtues-of-marriage-counseling\"><\/span>Virtues of marriage counseling<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your marriage is undergoing choppy waters, it&rsquo;s time you come together and take time out of your busy schedule and focus on addressing marital concerns. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/\">Marriage counseling<\/a> can serve as an excellent platform to confront the issues that are plaguing your marriage. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It also equips you to find common ground while staying accountable and respectful toward each other with the help of expert marriage counselors.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you feel you have reached an impasse in your pursuit to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/15-key-secrets-to-a-successful-marriage\/\">build a happy marriage<\/a>, marriage counseling can be your best form of mediation to face and problem-solve the underlying issues in your marriage and improve your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage counseling can give the couple the right tools to start <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/4-tips-for-improving-communication-in-a-marriage\/\">improving their marriage communication<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It also helps couples in putting these tools into practice and replacing old, unhealthy habits with healthy habits that go a long way in settling misunderstandings and resolving conflicts.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Expert-roundup-on-what-happens-in-marriage-counseling\"><\/span>Expert roundup on what happens in marriage counseling<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/mary-kay-cocharo\">MARY KAY COCHARO, LMFT<\/a><\/strong> Marriage &amp; Family Therapist<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/MaryKayCocharo.jpg\" alt=\"MARY KAY COCHARO\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Four Most Important Things that Happen in Marriage Counseling:<\/span>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You get hope. Finally, after struggling alone and watching your problems get worse, help is on the way!<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You get a safe place to talk about the difficult things with a coach or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/\">therapist<\/a> specifically trained to help you speak up and listen deeply.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You get the chance to resolve ongoing conflict and get on the same page with your partner.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, and perhaps most importantly, you deepen your intimate connection.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>Marriage counseling provides you a safe place to talk about difficult things.<span id=\"Marriage counseling provides you a safe place to talk about difficult things.******mkcocharo\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/david-mcfadden\">DAVID MCFADDEN, LMFT, LCPC, MSMFT, DMIN<\/a><\/strong> Marriage &amp; Family Therapist<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\">\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Dr.-David-McFadden.jpg\" alt=\"DAVID MCFADDEN\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have a chance to speak your concerns.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have a chance to be heard.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your spouse can do both of the above.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good therapists will referee and protect you both.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good therapists correct misunderstood communication.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> You will receive the tools\/directions to repair your relationship.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>A good therapist will referee and protect both the partners.<span id=\"A good therapist will referee and protect both the partners.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/raffi-bilek\">RAFFI BILEK, LCSWC<\/a><\/strong> Counselor<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Baltimore-Therapy-Center.jpg\" alt=\"RAFFI BILEK, LCSWC \" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are some of the things you&rsquo;ll learn in marriage counseling:<\/span>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/discussing-difficult-topics-in-your-marriage\/\">How to have conversations about difficult topics<\/a> without them turning into arguments.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to de-escalate when things get heated.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What you and your spouse are doing to trigger each other and how to avoid it.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ways to communicate with your spouse in ways that you will be heard.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You will identify triggers that lead to conflicts and learn ways to avoid them. <span id=\"You will identify triggers that lead to conflicts and learn ways to avoid it.******ThingsCanBeDiff\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/amy-wohl\">AMY WOHL, LMSW, CPT<\/a><\/strong> Counselor<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Amy-Wohl.jpg\" alt=\"AMY WOHL\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recognition of how you communicate with each other. Do you speak from the &ldquo;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\">I statement<\/a>&rdquo;? &nbsp;Because I feel it allows a safe place for a partner to hear the other partner. &lsquo;You&rdquo; is not safe; it puts the blame, shame, and negativity on the other. &nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning how important daily verbal appreciation and gratitude is to share with each other.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding of how &ldquo;blame, shame, and negativity &ldquo; &nbsp;in communication erodes the relationship and how damaging that form of communication is to having a partner not feel &ldquo;safe&rdquo; in the marriage.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br>\nYou are removing<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the need to be &ldquo;right.&rdquo; &nbsp;&nbsp;You can be right, or you can be in a relationship. &nbsp;You recognize it&rsquo;s not productive to repeatedly look in the rearview mirror. Look ahead at the many wonderful possibilities and learn from the past.<\/span>\n<div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You will cultivate the habit of daily verbal appreciation and gratitude.<span id=\"You will cultivate the habit of daily verbal appreciation and gratitude.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/julie-bindeman\"><strong>JULIE BINDEMAN, PSY-D<\/strong><strong>P<\/strong><\/a>&nbsp;Psychotherapist<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Julie-Bindeman.jpg\" alt=\"JULIE BINDEMAN\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What happens in Marriage counseling? &nbsp;Typically here is a brief list of what I have seen:<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br><\/span>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Possibilities<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Openness to one another and new perspectives<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Connection<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Grief<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Love<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You build openness to one another and new perspectives while cementing a connection.<span id=\"You build openness to one another and new perspectives while cementing a connection.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/gerald-schoenewolf\">GERALD SCHOENEWOLF, PH.D.&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Psychoanalyst<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Gerald-Schoenewolf.jpg\" alt=\"GERALD SCHOENEWOLF\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Constructive communication is the key. &nbsp;All couples begin marriage counseling communicating in a destructive way. &nbsp;Constructive communication has couples being honest with themselves and their mate. The goal is to resolve disputes by each taking responsibility and making adjustments needed to achieve peace. &nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make love, not war.<\/span>\n<div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You will ace the art of constructive communication. <span id=\"You will ace the art of constructive communication.******gfswolf\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\">\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/esther-lerman\">ESTHER LERMAN, MFT&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Counselor<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Esther-Lerman.jpg\" alt=\"ESTHER LERMAN\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So many different approaches to couples therapy! &nbsp;Here&rsquo;s the way I usually do it:<\/span>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Discuss the history of the relationship.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Discuss the history of the presenting problem. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Look at what &ldquo;baggage&rdquo; each is bringing into the relationship.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This begins the most important process of the therapy: Developing empathy for each other.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Facilitating honest, non-blaming conversations using basic communication skills. &nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Looking for a repetitive pattern of negative interaction and how to interrupt it.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If things have improved, and the couple feels ready, the therapy has served its purpose.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You will recognize the repetitive patterns of negative interaction. <span id=\"You will recognize the repetitive patterns of negative interaction.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/eddie-capparucci\">EDDIE CAPPARUCCI, MA, LPC <\/a><\/strong>Counselor<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Eddie-Capparucci.jpg\" alt=\"EDDIE CAPPARUCCI\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think of marriage counseling as a process for couples to develop greater insight about one another. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s helping couples to understand how their perceptions, expectations, desires, needs, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/communication-styles-and-maintenance-in-relationships\/\">communication styles<\/a> are different. And there is nothing wrong with being different. But when we better understand why our spouse acts a certain way, it allows us to have more empathy, patience, and a better sense of understanding.<\/span>\n<div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You will develop greater insight into one another.<span id=\"You will develop greater insight about one another.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<div class=\"cons-description\">\n<div class=\"cons-description\">\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/kavitha-goldowitz\">KAVITHA GOLDOWITZ, MA, LMFT&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Psychotherapist<\/p>\n<div class=\"cons-description\">\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Kavitha-Goldowitz.jpg\" alt=\"KAVITHA GOLDOWITZ\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What happens in marriage counseling?<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Provide a safe space to explore each partner&rsquo;s goals for the relationship<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Celebrate areas of strength and positivity<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">identify conflict dynamic and stuckness in the relationship<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understand each partner&rsquo;s needs and wounding<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learn new ways of communicating desires and fears<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/how-to-be-a-team-player-to-your-spouse\/\">Learn how to work as a team<\/a> to avoid common pitfalls<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Create new positive rituals of connection<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Celebrate progress and growth in relationship<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You will start celebrating each other&rsquo;s areas of strength and positivity.<span id=\"You will start celebrating each other&rsquo;s areas of strength and positivity.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/kerri-anne-brown\">KERRIANNE BROWN, LMHC&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Counselor<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Kerri-Anne-Brown.jpg\" alt=\"KERRIANNE BROWN\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage counseling can help to truly transform a relationship from one that&rsquo;s filled with frustration and contempt to one that&rsquo;s fulfilling, loving, and deeply connected.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Here are some things that happen in marriage counseling:<\/span>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> The therapist works to build an alliance with both partners and establish clear goals to help the couple achieve their mutually agreed-upon desired outcomes.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> A safe space is created where both partners feel heard and not judged. It&rsquo;s not the therapist&rsquo;s role to pick sides.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> The therapist serves as a guide in helping them move from behaviors that keep them stuck to behaviors that promote closeness, intimacy, and greater fulfillment<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>The therapist works to build an alliance with both partners.<span id=\"The therapist works to build an alliance with both partners.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/dori-gatter\">Dr. DORI GATTER, PSYD&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Counselor<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Dori-Gatter.jpg\" alt=\"Dr. DORI GATTER\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many people fear marriage counseling because they think that somehow they will be blamed and made out to be the &ldquo;bad one&rdquo; or the one with the most problems in the relationship. &nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good marriage counseling means that there are no bad guys or one person that is the one with all the problems. There are no Angels and no Devils in marriage counseling. The agenda in marriage counseling is:&nbsp;<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You understand that there are no Angels and no Devils in marriage counseling.<\/span><\/i>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/couples-quiz-how-well-do-you-know-your-partner\">How well do you really know each other<\/a> or yourself? Each person should understand themselves and their partner better and build an understanding of how you and your partner work and function in a relationship. Together you will create a shared vision of your relationship.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How well do you fight? Conflict resolution. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We need a plan for the couple on how they will approach and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/conflict-resolution-four-ways-to-end-a-cold-war\/\">resolve conflict<\/a> in a fair and just way. There is usually one person who likes to talk it all through and one person who avoids conflict, and in counseling, we need to address and get each partner comfortable with a plan on how to resolve conflicts.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning how to take care of each other and get your mutual needs met. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you know what your partner needs and wants from you? When is the last time you asked? We mostly complain about what we are not getting, so in marriage counseling, we teach you how to clearly state your needs and requests rather than <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/why-blaming-your-partner-wont-help\/\">complaining and blaming<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We talk about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/13-deal-breakers-in-a-relationship\/\">deal breakers<\/a>. Every couple has deal-breakers like cheating, trust, how to handle family or money. We talk about it all and find out where each partner&rsquo;s boundaries and deal breakers are and try to negotiate, so each partner feels safe and heard.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Healing old hurts. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We all come to the marriage with old hurts from our past before we even met our spouse, and then we usually experience some hurts in the relationship as well. In marriage counseling, we sort out which hurts are which and work on healing all of the hurts from the past and in the relationship as they are connected.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>Marriage counseling works on healing all of the hurts from the past and in the relationship.<span id=\"Marriage counseling works on healing all of the hurts from the past and in the relationship.******drdorigatter\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/michelle-scharlop\">MICHELLE SCHARLOP, MS, LMFT&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Marriage &amp; Family Therapist<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Michelle-Scharlop.jpg\" alt=\"MICHELLE SCHARLOP\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage counseling is a time set aside to focus and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/prioritize-your-relationship-partner-and-sexual-connection\/\">prioritize you, your spouse, and your relationship<\/a>. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Each person shares their perspective on what is currently happening in the marriage and what they would like their marriage to look like in the present and the future. The therapist guides the couple in conversations, activities, and exercises so the couple could meet their goals. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many couples struggle with communication. Why? <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because we are not listening to understand, instead, we are listening to defend. In marriage counseling, the couple will learn a different way to communicate. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/become-a-better-listener\/\">The couple will start listening to hear<\/a>, to truly hear, understand, and validate. When empathy is brought into the conversation, communication looks different. <\/span>\n<div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>The therapist guides the couple to meet the couple&rsquo;s goals.<span id=\"The therapist guides the couple to meet the couple goals.******MScharlopLMFT\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/sean-r-sears\">SEAN R SEARS, MS, OMC&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Counselor<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Sean-Sears.jpg\" alt=\"SEAN R SEARS\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The process of counseling is unique to each couple. &nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, I have a general blueprint that I follow with every couple I see. &nbsp;The &ldquo;blueprint&rdquo; is the same because the main goals are the same. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These goals are to establish safety, connection, and a belief that their partner has their best interests at heart. &nbsp;If these are not at the foundation of their marriage, then no tools they develop are going to be effective. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> The &ldquo;Blueprint&rdquo; includes the following:<\/span>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Taking personal responsibility for their own thoughts, actions, attitudes, and feelings.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Identifying their core fears that are provoked during a conflict.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Discovering and sharing &ldquo;raw spots&rdquo; and areas of wounding.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding and walking through the process of real forgiveness.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Illuminating the destructive cycle of relating that is unique to them and their role in causing or perpetuating that cycle and how to stop it.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning about &ldquo;bids&rdquo; and &ldquo;cues&rdquo; for engagement &ndash; how to recognize them and respond to them.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developing the skills to quickly respond to times of disconnection.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developing a better understanding of how to &ldquo;package&rdquo; love for their partner in a way that makes it more likely it will be received.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You identify core fears that are provoked during a conflict.<span id=\"You identify core fears that are provoked during a conflict.******New_Leaf_CC\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/michelle-joy\">MICHELLE JOY, MFT&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Psychotherapist<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Marriage-Prep-101.jpg\" alt=\"MICHELLE JOY\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Each person shares their perspective in terms of what they as the couple are struggling with. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Each person is encouraged to also share ways in which they may be contributing to any of the distressful patterns. The therapist observes the couple, and each person interacting with each other.<\/span>\n<div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You are offered insights and tools to help attain your relationship goals. <span id=\"You are offered insights and tools to help attain your relationship goals.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-name\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/marcie-scranton\">MARCIE SCRANTON, LMFT&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong>Psychotherapist<\/div>\n<div class=\"cons-description\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Marcie-Scranton.jpg\" alt=\"MARCIE SCRANTON\" width=\"260\" height=\"300\" align=\"left;\"><br><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A therapeutic setting is a safe place to be genuine in your relationship with your partner. &nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When we uncover the feelings and the meanings underneath arguments, couples can transcend the win-lose dynamic and return to a place of empathy, caring, and support. In couples therapy, we learn to recognize true, unspoken feelings and find support in expressing them. &nbsp;From there, we develop strategies to deal with<\/span>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Expectations and goals<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finances and homemaking<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communicating differences<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Navigating families<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Resolving conflicts<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Parenting<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Intimacy<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><div class=\"cons-name quote_box\">\n<p>You recognize true, unspoken feelings and find support in expressing them. <span id=\"You recognize true, unspoken feelings, and find support in expressing them.\" class=\"twtr tweetShare\">Tweet this<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Final-take-away\"><\/span>Final take away<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage counseling explores what makes each of you unique as individuals, how you interact as a couple, and how the wider context of family, friends, and work influence your relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The best way to encounter the impediments on the way to marital bliss and strengthening your marriage is, seeking the advice of a marriage counselor. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Virtues of marriage counseling If your marriage is undergoing choppy waters, it&rsquo;s time you come together and take time out of your busy schedule and focus on addressing marital concerns. Marriage counseling can serve as an excellent platform to confront the issues that are plaguing your marriage. It also equips you to find common ground while staying accountable and respectful toward each other with the help of expert marriage counselors. If you feel you have reached an impasse in your pursuit to build a happy marriage, marriage counseling can be your best form of mediation to face and problem-solve the <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":33425,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[2667],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33397"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=33397"}],"version-history":[{"count":54,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33397\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":76964,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/33397\/revisions\/76964"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/33425"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=33397"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=33397"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=33397"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}