![\"Talking](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Talking-to-Your-Teenager-Kids-About-Sex1.jpg\" "\\"Talking")
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Being a parent is never easy, and being a parent of a teenager has its own specific challenges. Halfway to adulthood, but still with the needs of a child, teenagers walk in a fine line between a desire for complete independence and a strong need for a sense of<\/span> connection<\/span><\/a> with you.<\/span><\/p>\n Add their budding sexual identities into this mix and parents need to gear up for some of the most tricky waters of childrearing to navigate.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are some tips to make this life passage—and talking to them about sex– a bit smoother.<\/span><\/p>\n Are teenagers having more sex now than ever before? Popular culture would have us believe so. But in fact<\/span>, <\/span>most teenagers aren’t doing it<\/span><\/a>. Research on this subject shows that 42% of high school students are sexually active; compare that with the numbers from the late eighties, when 60% of high school boys stated they were having sex. <\/span><\/p>\n So, despite the idea that we are currently living in the hook-up culture, teenagers are actually <\/span>less<\/span><\/i> sexually active today than they were 30 years ago. <\/span><\/p>\n What made the difference? Undoubtedly more education about STDs, AIDs, and other sex-related risks.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n If you have teenagers, you will want to establish and nurture the lines of communication with them, especially when it comes to sharing sexual education guidelines. <\/span><\/p>\n You are their number one source of sexual education.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n As a parent of teens, you already know that they often shut down when you offer to sit and talk with them, so let’s look at some ways to create the best atmosphere in which to talk with them about sex.<\/span><\/p>\n You want this talk to take place in a relaxed way, so asking them if they are using protection while driving them to soccer practice is not the best way to open up the discussion.<\/span><\/p>\n Some parents have had great success with easing into this difficult subject by watching a movie that focuses on teen sex with their teens (for example “<\/span>Blue is the Warmest Color”<\/span> or “The Spectacular Now”) and then segueing into a casual conversation following the film.<\/span><\/p>\n Education does not translate to action. If you are worried your teens will interpret what you are saying as permission to go out and have sex, don’t be. <\/span><\/p>\n Teenagers whose parents have talked to them about sex have sex later than average and are more likely to use birth control when they do have sex.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n A good way to begin might be to say “I want to talk to you about a sensitive subject. This conversation might be uncomfortable for both of us, but it is an important one. And just because we are talking about sex it doesn’t mean you need to go out and experiment. But if you do, let’s look at ways for you and your partner to be safe.”<\/span><\/p>\n That means that your teen is comfortable asking you questions whenever something comes up. You’ll have a lot to cover in your talks so don’t try to pack in everything in one evening. The purpose of the initial discussion is to show your teen that you are someone they can come to when they need non-judgemental, expert answers to their questions.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are some topics you might want to address:<\/b><\/p>\n The basics about how a baby is made, and which parts are involved. (You can leave IVF and other types of conception for later.)<\/span><\/p>\n Both for pleasure and for making babies. <\/span><\/p>\n Touch on the myth that a girl cannot get pregnant her first time, or during her period. Many teenagers believe this.<\/span><\/p>\n Especially important if your religion has rules about these.<\/span><\/p>\n Masturbation, oral sex, and just plain old hugging and kissing.<\/span><\/p>\n There are<\/span> loads of new methods now available<\/span><\/a> so be sure to inform yourself before talking about this with your teen. Many parents keep condoms in the bathroom so that teens can access these easily. Let them know they are there and no one is counting them so they don’t think you are policing their sexual activity. Better safe than sorry.<\/span><\/p>\n Your teens probably know all the acronyms (LGBTQ, etc) so do talk about not only heterosexual orientation, but homosexual, pansexual, transsexual, bisexual<\/a>, gender fluid, and other. Again, talking about alternative sexualities will not “make” your teen gay.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>First, some facts<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Speaking of education, let’s talk<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Choose a time that is good for both of you<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Don’t fear that the talking will encourage them to be sexually active<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Don’t](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/Don%E2%80%99t-fear-that-the-talking-will-encourage-them-to-be-sexually-active.jpg\" "\\"Don’t")
<\/p>\n<\/span>Starting the conversation<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Ideally, you will have an ongoing conversation<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>1. Male and female reproductive systems<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>2. Sexual intercourse<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>3. Pregnancy<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>4. The right to abstinence and postponing sex<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>5. Ways to get pleasure without penetration<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>6. Birth control<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>7. Sexual orientation<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>8. Sexually transmitted diseases<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"8.](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/8.-Sexually-transmitted-diseases.jpg\" "\\"8."){kind=spacer}
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