![\"7](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Blame-and-anger-leads-to-aggressive-style-of-communication.jpg\" "\\"7")
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Nothing changes if nothing changes! This is one of my favorite quotes and one that I highlight with all of my clients in my first session. <\/span><\/p>\n Deep down, we all hope that we can transfer our challenges to someone else and have them perform magic. But the truth is that we are really responsible for most things happening in our day to day and we can make a big difference by changing something we do, or how we think, or how we interpret things.<\/span><\/p>\n Of course, I highly recommend a skilled couples’ therapist to assist with the journey, but if you are not ready for that, this experiment is a good change of pace.<\/span><\/p>\n Before we make any other big plans for what we are going to change, just take one week to observe yourself in your interaction with your partner. We will attempt to have that out of body experience to understand how we come across to others. <\/span><\/p>\n A journal may be useful to keep track of your answers to the following questions:<\/span><\/p>\n Words do matter! They matter to you (otherwise you wouldn’t be saying them) and they do matter to your spouse. Slow down and think a little before you speak. Do an honest self-check.<\/span><\/p>\n Are you saying these things to help your partner or just to make yourself feel better, to alleviate your own frustration or anxiety at what she or he is saying? Finally, would you be talking to a co-worker or your boss like that?<\/span><\/p>\n Use the <\/span>THINK<\/b> acronym to keep yourself focused.<\/span><\/p>\n We are often pressured by our frustrations, anxieties, subtle irritations, and resentments and we feel compelled to blurt something sarcastic, critical, or accusatory to make ourselves feel better in the heat of the moment, but in reality, it erodes our relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n Assertive marriage communication involves strategy and thoughtful planning!<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n You will not be able to change your communication style<\/a> right away, so don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself. But trust me, your increased awareness will slow you down and make you stop and think. <\/span><\/p>\n At first, you’ll start questioning yourself: “should I have said that?” or “was it too harsh or too mean?” It will generally happen after the fact, but that’s okay.<\/span><\/p>\n Slow down, reprocess that string of messages, apologize if needed, and rephrase. For example, you can say: “I am so sorry, I am a little tense, frustrated, tired. That didn’t come out right. Let me try again.”<\/span><\/p>\n You may or may not get the right message from your partner, but that’s ok, stick with it. You have to communicate the right way<\/a>, indifferent of your partner’s answer. That’s how you get out of the nasty vicious cycle.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>1. Assess your communication in marriage for one week<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>2. Analyze your choice of words. Words do matter<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>3. Apologize (if needed) and rephrase<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Apologize\"](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/How-to-Forgive-Your-Spouse-for-past-Mistakes.jpg\" "\\"Apologize\\"")
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