![\"Sex](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/Sex-Starts-in-the-Kitchen-Tips-for-Marital-Intimacy.jpg\" "\\"Sex")
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Would you like to know more about having hot, steamy, passionate, monogamous sex with your spouse?<\/span><\/p>\n I have worked with couples for years now and I have come to realize that intimacy issues<\/a> are some of the biggest challenges in relationships. Have you ever wondered why that is? We are programmed for relationships and intimacy, so why is it so hard? <\/span><\/p>\n Do you remember being on the elementary school playground when you were a child and hearing the sing-songy chant, “John and Susie sitting in a tree, kissing”? Sex is portrayed in many aspects of our lives and is a wonderful gift from God, in the right context. <\/span><\/p>\n I am going to discuss 3 common issues that seem to kill the mood and also offer some suggestions to rekindle the passion:<\/strong><\/p>\n When we are young and we think about marriage, sex, family, etc., we probably have some expectations that we hope for. <\/span><\/p>\n So what happens when those expectations are not met? It can certainly drive a wedge in the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n What is the antidote for unmet expectations? It is communication<\/span><\/i>.<\/i><\/b> This can be easier to say than to actually put into practice. <\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Here is an exercise to try.<\/span><\/p>\n Separately, you and your spouse get a piece of paper and write down the things you most want from your partner. Give it a day or two and schedule a time to come back together to discuss your list. <\/span>I encourage you to actually trade lists and see if you see any surprises. Now, just a warning. <\/span><\/p>\n If there are many areas on your partner’s list that are not currently being met, don’t get discouraged. Have an open and honest discussion about 1 or 2 things that are certainly the biggest priorities for change. <\/span><\/p>\n Change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes diligence and patience.<\/span><\/p>\n How well do you know your partner<\/a>, their thoughts, their needs, their emotions, their hopes, and their desires? <\/span><\/p>\n Anybody can have sex, but it is so much more fulfiling when you know each other in an intimate way, and the relationship is monogamous. <\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n If you have been in many circles of couples, you have probably heard of Dr Gary Chapman’s five love languages. By the way, this is a highly recommended read, if you are not familiar with it. <\/span><\/p>\n Love is an action word<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n We already talked about communication, but now it is time to put it into action. <\/span>The five love languages<\/span><\/a> that Chapman brings to light are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Giving and Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch (not necessarily sexual). <\/span>I encourage you to have honest communication with your partner about what of these actions most communicates love, respect, and thoughtfulness to them. <\/span><\/p>\n Also, take the time to clue your partner in on your own needs. Then, put that into action.<\/span> <\/b>For my wife, a stay-at-home homeschooling mom, some of the sexiest things I can do for her are, wash the dishes, throw a load of clothes in the laundry machine, and make a meal for our family so she can get a break. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>1. What do you expect?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>2. Do you even know me?<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Young](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/11\/do-you-even-know-me.jpg\" "\\"Do")
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