{"id":26352,"date":"2018-08-21T05:05:29","date_gmt":"2018-08-21T05:05:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=26352"},"modified":"2024-08-06T11:00:16","modified_gmt":"2024-08-06T11:00:16","slug":"ways-to-handle-and-cope-with-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/ways-to-handle-and-cope-with-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"15 Effective Ways of Coping With Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

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Divorce<\/span><\/a> is one of the most complex decisions of anyone’s life. Not only does coping with divorce require a lot of time, effort and energy but it can also take a severe toll on your mental and physical health.<\/span><\/p>\n

The thought of having to leave someone you once had been in love with is hard to digest. This can seriously affect your daily life, the way you think, keep you from being productive throughout the day, and overwhelm you with immense sadness and hurt.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Different stages of divorce and separation<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

People get into marriages with the mindset of staying married for the rest of their lives. It is no surprise then that people take a long time to <\/span>recover from a divorce<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

People go through different stages of grief and pain that happen in the process of surviving a divorce emotionally. Each stage is essential and helps process the emotions related to coping with divorce and moving on after divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are four stages of divorce that cover a range of emotions like shock, depression, anxiety, rage, resignation and acceptance. To learn in detail about the <\/span>four stages of divorce<\/span><\/a>, you can click here. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Why is divorce difficult?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Most people going through a divorce are often trying to process various emotions. It is challenging for most people to deal with divorce stress as it is a huge change, and it makes you feel like you have failed at marriage. <\/span><\/p>\n

When struggling with divorce, there are emotional, financial and social ramifications to the decision. All of these combine to make how to get through a divorce a difficult question to answer.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Understand all the reasons why coping with divorce is extremely difficult here. Get to know how each impacts the emotions during divorce to make a decision that you won’t regret.<\/span><\/p>\n

Related Reading<\/b>: <\/span>Divorce Is Hard- Understanding and Accepting the Facts<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>15 ways for coping with divorce<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
According to recent <\/span>studies<\/span><\/a>, almost 50% of all marriages end in divorce. This means more and more people require ways to help them overcome and move past this painful period.<\/span><\/p>\n
Listed down below are some practical ways on how to handle divorce. If you are going through a similar phase, try to put these steps into practice:<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n
1. Acceptance, not denial<\/b><\/h3>\n
Divorce is a hard pill that you may have to swallow, whether you want to or not. When the divorce is happening, denial only makes dealing with divorce anxiety more painful in the long run. <\/span><\/p>\n
Accepting divorce will make you sad, confused and frustrated, but it is the bitter truth. The quicker you accept it, the better you will feel. Gradually, the divorce depression will also begin to fade away, and you will see why the divorce had become vital for you and your ex.<\/span><\/p>\n
2. It is okay to grieve<\/b><\/h3>\n
Healing from divorce is never easy because this separation comes in waves of grief from the loss of love, companionship, shared experiences, hopes, plans, and intellectual, emotional, and financial support.<\/span><\/p>\n
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Such loss may make a person succumb to the grief but remember – <\/span>grieving after divorce<\/span><\/a> or breakup is essential to healing from the loss.<\/span><\/p>\n
Maggie Martinez<\/a>, LCSW, says<\/p>\n
Remember that there are different ways to grieve, which might not look the same for each person. That’s okay!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
3. Be easy on yourself<\/b><\/h3>\n
It is okay if you feel low and do not wish to engage in the daily activities of life when you are <\/span>dealing with divorce anxiety<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n
Take a break and clear out your thoughts. Do not overwork yourself or force yourself to do things you simply don’t want to. It is okay if you are less productive at work but keep in mind not to make it a habit.<\/span><\/p>\n
4. Talk about your feelings<\/b><\/h3>\n
Avoid being alone during this time. Talk to your friends and family and share what you are feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n
Share your feelings <\/span><\/a>with the people you trust or find people you can talk to about your feelings. Sharing your feelings would help you heal as you understand that you are not the only one feeling this pain.<\/span><\/p>\n
You can even join a support group to be among people from a similar situation. Don’t isolate yourself as this will only affect you negatively. It is okay to reach out for help in tough times.<\/span><\/p>\n
5. Stay away from the power struggle<\/b><\/h3>\n
After your divorce, there would always be times when you would find yourself in a power struggle with your ex, just the way you used to when you were together.<\/span><\/p>\n
Avoiding arguments and power struggles with your ex are essential for moving from that relationship. Even though standing your ground for what you want is essential, you need to keep a check on your emotions and not let them cloud your judgment.<\/span><\/p>\n
Maggie Martinez further adds,<\/p>\n
You are no longer tied to this person, and you are able to set boundaries.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
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Unresolved feelings cause a power struggle after a separation that either you, your partner, or both of you carry. <\/span><\/p>\n
Breathe, calm your mind, and remember that you are not together anymore and you can let go of the hurt. Try to reframe your anger by acknowledging the hurt and looking for a way to deal with it constructively.<\/span><\/p>\n
Related Reading:<\/b> How Couples Can Diffuse Power Struggles<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
6. Take care of yourself<\/b><\/h3>\n
When wondering how to handle a divorce, you must keep yourself mentally and physically in the optimal state.<\/span><\/p>\n
Keep your mental and <\/span>emotional health<\/span><\/a> in check. Make time to exercise, eat well, go out, pamper yourself. <\/span><\/p>\n
Do not resort to alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes to cope, as this will only make things much worse for you. Furthermore, think positively! Remind yourself that things are the way they are just for the time being and they will eventually get better.  <\/span><\/p>\n
Research<\/span><\/a> shows that divorce and the psychosocial stress associated with it have been linked to increased mental illness and morbidity cases. <\/span><\/p>\n
Your emotions would get the best of you at times but do not fall into a cycle of regret. Instead, look forward to what you can do to make your life better.<\/span><\/p>\n
7. Explore new experiences and interests<\/b><\/h3>\n
Post-divorce <\/span><\/a>can be a great time for you to invest time in activities that you enjoy. You can reconnect with your passion or try new experiences.<\/span><\/p>\n
Maybe go to a dance class or learn to play the piano, volunteer and take up new hobbies. Meet new people to help you forget the bad days and stock up on better memories.<\/span><\/p>\n
8. Talk, listen and reassure your children<\/b><\/h3>\n
You might have children with your ex-spouse. As hard as divorce has been for you, it might be equally as difficult for your children. <\/span>Research <\/span><\/a>has seen that divorce impacts children in a significant way. <\/span><\/p>\n
They might be going through a lot as they watch their family break up, their parents <\/span>seeking a divorce<\/span><\/a>, and having to choose between living with either of the parents.<\/span><\/p>\n
Make sure that they know it is not their fault, ease their concerns, and be direct with your responses. Moreover, ensure that your children know that they can rely on you all the time and you will love and support them through anything.<\/span><\/p>\n
9. Maintain a routine<\/b><\/h3>\n
Keeping to a healthy daily routine is one of the best ways of coping with divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n
Carry on your daily activities and ensure that your children follow the same routine. Keep the daily and weekly routines as stable as you can. Moreover, it may also help if you work out an arrangement with your ex for your children.<\/span><\/p>\n
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Research<\/span><\/a> has shown the advantages of maintaining a routine as being helpful for people, physically and emotionally. It can help give you a healthy structure when figuring out life after divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n
10. Focus on moving on<\/b><\/h3>\n
One of the most elaborate stages of a divorce or breakup is to dwell on past feelings and emotions. During this time you over-analyze every essential memory of your past relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n
Living in the past drifts you away from the end goal of moving on in your life. Even though reflecting on your past relationship is very important, you need to learn to take steps towards moving on with your life. <\/span><\/p>\n
11. Appreciate the positives<\/b><\/h3>\n
Being able to <\/span>appreciate the relationship<\/span><\/a> for what it was and saying goodbye to it will be beneficial in the long run. You can move forward into future relationships without any regrets or damage from the past.  <\/span><\/p>\n
The marriage or its breakup gives you insights into your strengths and weaknesses. The divorce can also teach you all the things you have going for you. If you can see the positives in the situation, you are taking steps towards moving on.<\/span><\/p>\n
12. No hasty decisions<\/b><\/h3>\n
While you are coping with divorce, you might be tempted to make rash and unwise decisions. It may be your way of proving a point to yourself or your ex or other people in your life. But this is a futile gesture in the long run.<\/span><\/p>\n
Hasty decisions taken at this time can become the cause for regret later. So, give yourself more time before making any big decisions and think before doing something.<\/span><\/p>\n
Maggie Martinez states,<\/p>\n
Impulsive decisions are made out of emotion and lack of thought. This can be dangerous after a divorce.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Related Reading<\/b>: <\/span>25 Best Divorce Tips to Help You Make Good Decisions About the Future<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
13. Celebrate the small victories<\/b><\/h3>\n
Coping with divorce is a demanding and challenging task. So, celebrate every little step you can take towards moving on. <\/span><\/p>\n
The anxiety after divorce can make us extremely tough on ourselves. But celebrating the little victories will give you the motivation to keep going on. It helps you in maintaining a hopeful and positive outlook.<\/span><\/p>\n
To learn more about celebrating small wins as a recipe for success, watch this video:<\/b>