{"id":26024,"date":"2018-08-01T09:28:41","date_gmt":"2018-08-01T09:28:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=26024"},"modified":"2026-03-10T06:24:37","modified_gmt":"2026-03-10T06:24:37","slug":"what-is-co-parenting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/what-is-co-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Co-Parenting and How to Be Good at It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-26026 size-full\" title=\"How successfully you&rsquo;ll co-parent will be a major factor in how well you and your family adapt to the change\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/How-successfully-you%E2%80%99ll-co-parent-will-be-a-major-factor-in-how-well-you-and-your-family-adapt-to-the-change.jpg\" alt=\"How successfully you&rsquo;ll co-parent will be a major factor in how well you and your family adapt to the change\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you find yourself <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/separation-in-a-marriage-is-hard-heres-what-you-can-do\/\">about to become separated<\/a> or divorced, you might have a rough idea of what is co-parenting. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But, it is only when you have to actually co-parent your child that you realize how difficult it is. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>For effective co-parenting, you need to come in peace with what has happened to your marriage<\/strong>, to find new ways to interact with your ex, design an entirely new life for yourself, and you also have to balance all that with your children&rsquo;s wellbeing. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How successfully you&rsquo;ll co-parent will be a major factor in how well you and your family adapt to the change.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Also watch:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/j3Pbirc-LKs\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>So,&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":513,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"12\":0}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"how to co-parent\"}'>how to co-parent and&nbsp;<\/span><span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":513,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"12\":0}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"how to make co-parenting work\"}'>how to make co-parenting work? Here are some basic co-parenting advice and tips on co-parenting to help you enhance your&nbsp;co-parenting skills.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Basics-of-co-parenting\"><\/span>Basics of co-parenting<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Co-parenting is when both (divorced or separated) parents are involved in the child&rsquo;s upbringing, although it is mostly one parent that has greater responsibilities and spends more time with the child. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Except for when there&rsquo;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/\">abuse in the family<\/a> or some other serious reasons against it, it is usually recommended that both parents remain active participants in the child&rsquo;s life. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Research shows, it is&nbsp;<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pearson.com\/us\/higher-education\/product\/Williams-Marriages-Families-and-Intimate-Relationships-3rd-Edition\/9780205717804.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">better for the child<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to have a cohesive relationship with both parents. Co-parenting is built around the idea of providing the child with a safe and stable environment, without conflicts and stressors. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The most desirable form of <span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":513,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"12\":0}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"co-parenting agreement\"}'>co-parenting agreement<\/span> is the one in which parents agree on the goals of the upbringing of their child, as well as methods on how to achieve these goals. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, the mutual relationship between the parents is an amicable and respectful one. <\/span><\/p>\n<p>Thus <strong>one way to define co-parenting is to know that it is&nbsp;more than just sharing custody. <\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is a form of partnership. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After a marriage breakdown, it is common for the ex-spouses to be resentful of each other and often unable to find common ground. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yet, as parents, we should lay down some <span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":513,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"12\":0}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"co-parenting ground rules\"}'>co-parenting ground rules that&nbsp;<\/span>aim to achieve a new form of relationship in which the children are put first. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The purpose of co-parenting is for the child to have a secure home and family, even when they aren&rsquo;t all living together.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-do%E2%80%99s-of-co-parenting\"><\/span>The do&rsquo;s of co-parenting<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-23999 size-full\" title=\"There are right and wrong ways to co-parent your child\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/The-legal-position-of-parents-who-want-to-take-children-on-holiday-abroad.jpg\" alt=\"There are right and wrong ways to co-parent your child\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are right and wrong ways to co-parent your child. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unfortunately, having just gone through a separation of your relationship doesn&rsquo;t make it easy to be a good partner to your ex. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/six-things-that-can-destroy-your-relationship\/\">marriages get destroyed by fights<\/a>, infidelities, breaches of trust. You probably have a lot to cope with. But, what must always come first is how to be a good co-parent to your child.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Here are 4 co-parenting essentials on how to be a better co-parent:<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1. The most important principle that should guide your every move when you&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":513,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"12\":0}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"create a parenting plan\"}'>create a parenting plan<\/span> is to make sure you and your ex are on the same page when it comes to all the major issues. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That means that the two of you should<strong> dedicate effort to achieving clear and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/\">respectful communication<\/a><\/strong>. C<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":513,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"12\":0}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"co-parenting with no communication\"}'>o-parenting with no communication will only lead to more bitterness between you and your ex.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In effect, for example, rules in your households should be consistent, and the child will have a stable routine regardless of where he or she spends time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2. The next important do in co-parenting is to commit to talking about your ex in a positive light and require the same from your children. Allowing for negativity to creep in will only backfire. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Similarly, be on the watch for your child&rsquo;s tendency to test boundaries, which they will do. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They will probably be tempted to use the situation to their advantage and try and get something they would otherwise never get. Don&rsquo;t ever allow that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, make sure that you find ways to communicate with your ex, even If you don&rsquo;t feel like it. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is important that you don&rsquo;t let your children be the only source of information regarding what&rsquo;s happening while they&rsquo;re with their other parent. Update each other frequently and be sure to discuss all new issues as they arise.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>3. <strong>Children thrive on consistency<\/strong>, so create a plan or even a&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":513,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"12\":0}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"co-parenting agreement\"}'>co-parenting agreement to ensure that you and your ex follow the same routines and rules.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Thinking of your child&rsquo;s needs and not letting the struggles or conflicts with your ex affect your child&rsquo;s wellbeing is what would help you in creating a healthy co-parenting environment.<\/p>\n<p>Strive for more <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3148851\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">supportive parenting<\/a> to ensure that both of you are equally capable and responsible for your child&rsquo;s upbringing.<\/p>\n<p>4. Finally, ensure that you maintain a humble, courteous, and respectful relationship with your ex. To do so, set boundaries between you and your ex-partner.<\/p>\n<p>Not only would this help you move on in your life but also create a healthy environment for your kids.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-don%E2%80%99ts-of-co-parenting\"><\/span>The don&rsquo;ts of co-parenting<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-47963 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/The-don%E2%80%99ts-of-co-parenting.jpg\" alt=\"Couple having conflicts in front of girl \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even for the most cordial ex-spouses, there&rsquo;s a lot of challenges in co-parenting. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1. You may be tempted to be the most fun and indulgent parent out there. Either to make your children like you more than your ex or simply to make their lives as easy and joyful as they can be, given that their parents just split. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, don&rsquo;t make this mistake and indulge in competitive co-parenting. Children thrive when there&rsquo;s a healthy balance of routine, discipline, fun, and learning.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>The result of a study suggested that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/284076715_What's_so_Bad_About_Competitive_Coparenting_Family-Level_Predictors_of_Children's_Externalizing_Symptoms\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">competitive co-parenting<\/a> causes children to exhibit externalizing behavior.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2. Another big no-no when it comes to co-parenting is letting your frustration and hurt guide your talks about your ex. <\/span><strong>Your children should always be protected from your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/what-is-in-the-roots-of-marital-conflicts\/\">marital conflicts<\/a>. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They should get a chance to develop their own relationship with their parents, and your &ldquo;adult&rdquo; disagreements shouldn&rsquo;t be a part of their perception of their mother or father. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Co-parenting is about creating an atmosphere of respect and trust.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>3. Don&rsquo;t put your kids in the crossfires of your conflicts with your ex. Don&rsquo;t make them pick sides, and most importantly, do not use them as a way to manipulate your ex.<\/p>\n<p>Your conflicts, differences, or arguments should either be dealt with in a constructive way or kept far away from your kids entirely.<\/p>\n<p>Your pettiness hurt, and anger should not dictate what your child perceives as a norm for intimate relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you find yourself about to become separated or divorced, you might have a rough idea of what is co-parenting. But, it is only when you have to actually co-parent your child that you realize how difficult it is. For effective co-parenting, you need to come in peace with what has happened to your marriage, to find new ways to interact with your ex, design an entirely new life for yourself, and you also have to balance all that with your children&rsquo;s wellbeing. How successfully you&rsquo;ll co-parent will be a major factor in how well you and your family adapt <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1419,"featured_media":26026,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[37],"tags":[2641],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26024"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26024"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26024\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":117868,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26024\/revisions\/117868"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/26026"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26024"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26024"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26024"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}