{"id":25732,"date":"2018-07-20T10:40:46","date_gmt":"2018-07-20T10:40:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=25732"},"modified":"2026-01-02T16:09:05","modified_gmt":"2026-01-02T16:09:05","slug":"signs-that-therapy-for-cheaters-is-not-working","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/signs-that-therapy-for-cheaters-is-not-working\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Signs Therapy for Cheaters Is Not Working &#038; What to Do About It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-25735 size-full\" title=\"Four Signs That Therapy for Cheaters Is Not Working\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Signs-That-Therapy-for-Cheaters-Is-Not-Working.jpg\" alt=\"Four Signs That Therapy for Cheaters Is Not Working\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For any betrayed spouse (who is hopeful that everything can be repaired in their marriage after cheating and life can return to a new kind of normal after your partner attends therapy for cheaters), it&rsquo;s so reassuring when your spouse agrees to attend therapy or couples counseling for infidelity.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even the therapy for cheaters who repeatedly offend can be a reassuring sign because you are getting somewhere now.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It doesn&rsquo;t matter if you have had to engineer the process by working their schedule around their appointments to create space in their diary for their therapy appointment.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nor does it matter if you had to physically drive them to the therapy for an infidelity appointment and check them into reception yourself. You&rsquo;ll still be delighted that they are doing something to help rebuild what you once had &ndash; if only they didn&rsquo;t cheat!&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are some signs of a cheater? Watch this video to know more.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/rCz-Mhhvwis\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Can-a-cheater-change\"><\/span><b>Can a cheater change?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Everyone usually believes the saying, &ldquo;Once a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5709195\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">cheater<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, always a cheater.&rdquo; When your spouse has cheated on you and you are trying to rebuild the relationship, it is natural to ask if a cheater can change because if there is no hope, you would not want to invest so much time, energy, and emotion into it yourself.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But can a cheater change? It depends on the person. Some people repent what they have done and want to work on their relationship. This is when they may make an effort to change. To know more about it, read this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/can-a-cheater-change\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">article.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Does-infidelity-counseling-really-work\"><\/span><b>Does infidelity counseling really work?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When there has been cheating in a relationship or marriage, one of the best ways to deal with it is to seek professional help.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, when the relationship hits the rocks, one of the most important things to consider is whether <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/5-big-benefits-of-marriage-infidelity-counseling\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">infidelity counseling<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> works.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Can therapy help a cheater?&nbsp;<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Does therapy help cheaters?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It depends on various factors. One of them is the willingness of someone to put in the effort needed to change and become better. Other factors include the extent to which a relationship needs help. Sometimes, the better thing to do is to let it go. In that case, infidelity counseling may work, but differently.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To know more, read this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/does-infidelity-therapy-really-work\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">article.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17976 size-full\" title=\"Would your cheater be attending, or even considering their therapy for cheaters if you didn&rsquo;t practically drag them there\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Couples-Therapy.jpg\" alt=\"Would your cheater be attending, or even considering their therapy for cheaters if you didn&rsquo;t practically drag them there\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"10-signs-therapy-for-cheaters-is-not-working\"><\/span><b>10 signs therapy for cheaters is not working<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are some signs that will tell you whether therapy for cheaters is helping your marriage or if it&rsquo;s time to book yourself into some therapy to prepare for a new life with somebody who can respect you and won&rsquo;t cheat. Does counseling help cheaters? Here are some clues that it is not.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. They don&rsquo;t do the homework<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Did your therapist give your spouse some practical instructions as homework?&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They may be to answer questions, ask you questions, purchase a book, or write a letter to you. They may have suggested that they express themselves to you and how they feel about you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But &hellip; crickets!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They don&rsquo;t do it; they&rsquo;ll pretend there was no homework and create a zillion reasons why they don&rsquo;t need to do the therapy for cheaters&rsquo; homework, some of which you&rsquo;ll probably believe.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here&rsquo;s the thing; They cheated, possibly more than once, and now they are not doing the homework that can make or break your marriage. This also means they can&rsquo;t be bothered, are not invested in fixing a thing, or don&rsquo;t value your marriage as much as you do.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask yourself, what excuse can they have that is way more important than working on their marriage, and you&rsquo;ll probably find the answer is not what you want to hear. But it&rsquo;s one that you need to understand.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/how-parents-can-help-kids-with-homework\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How Parents Can Help Kids With Homework&#8203;<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>2. They don&rsquo;t tell the truth<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In some cases, they even believe in their lies.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you start your therapy for cheaters by participating in a dose of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">couples therapy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> after infidelity, you&rsquo;ll know if they are lying because you live with them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Perhaps you&rsquo;ve become accustomed to how your spouse <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/labs.la.utexas.edu\/buss\/files\/2015\/09\/manipulation-in-close-relationships-1992.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">manipulates<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the truth occasionally, but are they going to do this now when you are in therapy for cheaters and trying to rebuild trust?&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If they are, then you know that this will be something they&rsquo;ll continue to do.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But they don&rsquo;t have to continue to do it to you. You have the power to choose!<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. They use therapy for cheaters to manipulate you more<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Oh, how you must admire the smart spouse you have, their ability to manipulate is an expression of high intelligence but not necessarily high emotional intelligence. Let&rsquo;s make this very clear.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your spouse uses therapy to further their agenda and mess with your head more than they already have, then you don&rsquo;t have to hang around for the pleasure of getting messed about again.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your spouse justifies cheating or their behavior in any way because you don&rsquo;t like to do something or that they didn&rsquo;t think you&rsquo;d want to do something, so they just took the babysitter instead.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stop and rethink this. It&rsquo;s not your fault; you are not responsible for your cheating spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/manipulative-woman\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">12 Signs Your Woman is Manipulative<\/span><\/i><\/a>\r\n<img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-25736 size-full\" title=\"Ask yourself, what excuse can they have that is way more important than working on their marriage\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/Ask-yourself-what-excuse-can-they-have-that-is-way-more-important-than-working-on-their-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Ask yourself, what excuse can they have that is way more important than working on their marriage\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/pre>\n<h3><b>4. You scheduled the appointment<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your partner didn&rsquo;t book the appointment for their therapy and weren&rsquo;t nudging you and asking you if you could book the appointment because they were genuinely busy.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If they didn&rsquo;t turn their schedule around to meet the appointment schedule of the therapist, then this should be a big warning sign.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Suppose you are initiating therapy for cheaters from the offset. In that case, your spouse is not as invested in the recovery process as you are, and they probably don&rsquo;t respect your needs, opinions, or the marriage (for that matter) enough.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. They are still in contact with the person they cheated on you with<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the tell-tale signs that therapy for cheaters is not going to work is when they do not break ties with the person they cheated on you. If it was multiple people, even then they should not be in touch with any of them.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If they do not let go of their attachment to this other person, they will not be able to invest completely in <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-make-your-relationship-better\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">making your relationship better<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. You do not believe cheaters can change<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you do not believe your partner can change, that is another sign that therapy for cheaters is not working and is not likely to work either.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the most important things you need when it comes to therapy for cheaters is the belief that it will work and that they are willing to change. With it, therapy for cheaters is likely to work.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/why-a-cheating-person-shows-no-remorse\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">20 Reasons Why a Cheating Person Shows No Remorse<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>7. You take advice from others<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Cheating and infidelity are complex, complicated relationship issues. When a professional is involved, it is recommended that you take their advice and not advice from others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While it is okay to talk about these things with your friends and family, if you listen to their advice and not your therapist&rsquo;s, chances are that therapy for cheaters may not work or might not be as effective.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/best-marriage-advice\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">75 Best Marriage Advice &amp; Tips by Marriage Therapists<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>8. Your partner does not want to work on the marriage<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the tell-tale signs of therapy for cheaters not working or not being effective is when your partner does not want to do the work in your relationship or marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the most important ways to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/save-my-marriage-by-myself\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">save the marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is when you are genuinely willing to do the work.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. They are not patient<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Infidelity therapy strategy requires patience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The process of healing after cheating takes time. It is a step-by-step process, and things will likely look better as time goes by.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, if your partner, and even for that matter, you, are not patient with the process, it is a sign that therapy for cheaters is not working.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>10. They do not introspect<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/signs-of-serial-cheater\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">signs that therapy for cheaters<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is not working is when your partner does not introspect. A person cannot be helped if they do not wish to be helped.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Suppose your partner is unwilling to see what is wrong with their behavior and understand where they need to rectify themselves. In that case, chances are that therapy for the cheater is not working and will not be effective in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-25737 size-full\" title=\"They use therapy for cheaters to manipulate you more\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/They-use-therapy-for-cheaters-to-manipulate-you-more.jpg\" alt=\"They use therapy for cheaters to manipulate you more\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-to-do-when-therapy-for-cheaters-is-not-working\"><\/span><b>What to do when therapy for cheaters is not working&nbsp;<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Seeking therapy for cheating does not guarantee that it will work out or help you overcome the cheating in the relationship. Sometimes, if you or your spouse show the above signs that therapy for cheaters is not working, maybe it won&rsquo;t.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When therapy for cheaters is not working, here is what you can do.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Talk to your partner&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having an honest <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/317335617_Communication_and_Marital_Infidelity\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">conversation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with someone can help you clear the air and understand where you are headed or where you are coming from.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Take a step back<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It becomes difficult to see the bigger picture when you are in the mix yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">According to <\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/christiana-njoku\" target=\"_blank\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Christiana Njoku<\/span><\/a><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">, LPC<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">For your sanity and peace of mind, stay out of a relationship with a serial cheater, particularly after investing so much in <\/span><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">cheaters<\/span><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\"> therapy, yet they are not willing to change.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If therapy for a cheater is not working and is harming your physical or mental health, it may be a good idea to step back, understand the situation and plan ahead.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"FAQs\"><\/span><b>FAQs<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<h3><b>What type of therapy is best for infidelity?&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/which-couples-therapy-technique-is-right-for-your-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Couples therapy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is known to be the best for infidelity. However, if someone needs personal work before working on the relationship, seeking personal therapy followed by couples therapy is a good idea.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Is it possible for a serial cheater to change?<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/when-you-are-married-to-serial-cheater\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Serial cheating<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can be a rather complex situation to understand and get over. While a serial cheater can change, you may need to uncover why someone is a serial cheater and what feelings lead them to cheat this way.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Wrapping-up\"><\/span><b>Wrapping up<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The fact that they are even attending therapy for cheaters is a sign that they want to change and make things better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, your hopes and optimism refuse to realize the reality that you practically courted them into therapy even though your spouse has shown no desire or enthusiasm to<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/ways-to-tell-someone-is-lying-about-cheating\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> address their cheating ways<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, this should have been an alarm from the offset, but when we love somebody, we are too emotionally invested in thinking of any other option.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your spouse needs therapy for cheaters, which they will have for the sake of your emotions and (don&rsquo;t shoot the messenger) denial over your marriage and commitment to each other.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Would your cheater be attending or even considering their therapy for cheaters if you didn&rsquo;t practically drag them there by the scruff of their neck?&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;ve made it to the end of this page and have acknowledged that these points are very real for you, congratulations on trying to help your marriage by supporting your partner with therapy for cheaters.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are one of a kind and a committed and loveable person that needs to find somebody who will love and respect you more than your spouse currently does. You&rsquo;ve got this.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For any betrayed spouse (who is hopeful that everything can be repaired in their marriage after cheating and life can return to a new kind of normal after your partner attends therapy for cheaters), it&rsquo;s so reassuring when your spouse agrees to attend therapy or couples counseling for infidelity.&nbsp;&nbsp; Even the therapy for cheaters who repeatedly offend can be a reassuring sign because you are getting somewhere now. It doesn&rsquo;t matter if you have had to engineer the process by working their schedule around their appointments to create space in their diary for their therapy appointment.&nbsp;&nbsp; Nor does it matter <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1419,"featured_media":25735,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[23],"tags":[2693],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25732"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=25732"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25732\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":115470,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/25732\/revisions\/115470"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/25735"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=25732"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=25732"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=25732"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}