{"id":24713,"date":"2018-06-19T11:29:42","date_gmt":"2018-06-19T11:29:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=24713"},"modified":"2023-01-29T10:24:00","modified_gmt":"2023-01-29T10:24:00","slug":"building-secure-attachment-with-your-spouse-things-you-can-do-to-create-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/building-secure-attachment-with-your-spouse-things-you-can-do-to-create-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Building Secure Attachment with Your Spouse – Things You Can Do to Create It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Secure<\/p>\n

The media bombards us with images of “The Larger-Than-Life <\/span>Romantic Gesture<\/span><\/a>”. You know, those movies where the guy proposes to his girlfriend through the public address system on the airplane or leaves a trail of rose petals from the living room to the bedroom, where she finds a small box containing a large diamond ring. <\/span><\/p>\n

No wonder young people think that it’s the grand gesture that is proof of “True Love”, and ignore all the small ways we can create secure attachments.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are few models in the media we can look at to see this – that building a secure attachment with your spouse and maintaining it is made up of a thousand small things.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What is a secure attachment ?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Everyone needs attachment. <\/span><\/p>\n

Building a secure attachment with your spouse is the basis for <\/span>happy and healthy relationships<\/span><\/a>. Secure attachment is the sense of belonging and feeling connected to another person and to life on the deepest levels. Humans are pack animals, and as such have a need to feel part of a group. <\/span><\/p>\n

This implicit connection with another human generates a three-pronged positive feedback loop.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

Feeling this kind of connection gives us a stronger sense of connection within ourselves; our inner confidence is stimulated to engage in life in ways that help us build self-awareness, and this engagement increases our feelings of competency and self-esteem. <\/span><\/p>\n

Heightened self-esteem permits us to more easily connect with others. So this creates a perfect circle of secure attachment.<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>Ways to increase your attachment to your partner<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Ways<\/p>\n

For building a secure attachment with your spouse,<\/span> focus on healing any insecure attachments<\/b> you may be carrying over from previous relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n

The ability to securely attach to another person is formed (or not) in early childhood. If you sense you do not have a reasonably-developed capacity to attach to another, you may want to work with a therapist on ways you can heal. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you don’t, you risk becoming attachment-avoidant, unable to take in the rich rewards attaching to a partner will bring to your life. To aid in healing and answering the question, how to build a secure relationship, try the following: <\/span><\/p>\n