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There can be many faces of people who have experienced being sexually abused, either by a friend, neighbor, a partner, or even a family member.<\/span><\/p>\n We might not see any signs someone has been sexually abused in the past, but it’s there. It’s like a big hole of pain, trauma, and emptiness that can’t be healed.<\/span><\/p>\n But what if you fell in love with a sexually abused victim in the past? How can you help this person heal? Is it even possible to be the person who would support your sexually abused spouse or partner?<\/span><\/p>\n “Was i sexually abused? I’m afraid to talk about it.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n What exactly is sexually abused mean, and what percent of women are sexually abused?<\/span><\/p>\n When you say sexual abuse, it refers to any form of action that forces someone to oblige or do something involving sexual acts that they don’t want to do or be a part of. <\/span><\/p>\n Sexual abuse would also refer to any type of behavior that affects a person’s right or capability to control their sexual activity, such as refusing to wear a condom, forcing oral sex, rape, and many more. <\/span><\/p>\n Unfortunately, many sexually abused victims do not talk about their experiences for various reasons. Some are being blackmailed. Some are afraid of being victim-blamed; others fear how society would view them.<\/span><\/p>\n However, according to a <\/span>survey<\/span><\/a>, over 20% of women and 5% of men in the U. S alone have already been sexually abused when they were children.<\/span><\/p>\n “As the partner, seeing sexually abused characteristics with my wife breaks my heart. What can I do?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n In a relationship where one has gone through sexual abuse, it’s expected that their spouses or partners give extra understanding,<\/span> patience<\/span><\/a>, and love. <\/span><\/p>\n Here are the things that you can do when your partner has been sexually abused. <\/span><\/p>\n There are different stories of sexual abuse. Some may have been wife sexually abused by a husband or a previous partner. Some people experienced sexual abuse from a friend or even a close relative.<\/span><\/p>\n A victim will find it hard to trust again and relay the traumatic story. Loving someone with a past like this, offer to listen.<\/span><\/p>\n Be there to listen and not give out your opinion. This could do more damage if done incorrectly. Just by listening, you’re already doing your partner a huge favor.<\/span><\/p>\n According to <\/span>Maggie Martinez<\/span><\/a>, a licensed clinical social worker:<\/span><\/p>\n It is important to let them know that it wasn’t their fault and that they are not to blame for what happened to them.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Remember, don’t force her to tell you the story. Be there and offer to listen and when the time is right, then you’ll hear the story.<\/span><\/p>\n Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> How to Understand Your Partner Better: 15 Ways<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n Some people, even if they are already seeing signs someone was sexually abused, it’s so hard for them to believe the story.<\/span><\/p>\n Sadly, this is a common scenario, making it more difficult for the victim to open up and trust. So, when your partner opens up to you, please, believe her.<\/span><\/p>\n Maggie Martinez highlights that:<\/p>\n Too many men in society today question whether abuse has occurred. Do not be one of these people, and do not fish for details if she is not ready to tell them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n This person may have felt so alone dealing with the haunting experience of sexual abuse. Knowing that someone believes them is a big help.<\/span><\/p>\n This means that aside from <\/span>being a partner<\/span><\/a> or spouse, offer your friendship as well. Be there when she needs someone to talk to.<\/span><\/p>\n Be a person who can be there for her and a person she can count on. It’s also important that when she needs privacy, you will give it to her.<\/span><\/p>\n Before committing, make sure that you are ready to understand her and her situation. Don’t break her heart by leaving her just because she’s “too much work” for you.<\/span><\/p>\n Instead, know that she may want to avoid sexual advances, positions, words, or even any triggers that could bring back her trauma.<\/span><\/p>\n Temporary abstinence will be difficult, but if you truly love and understand her situation, then this is a small sacrifice.<\/span><\/p>\n Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> How to Talk About Sex With Your Partner<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n Hold your partner’s hand and support her all the way. Be her strength and the person she could trust.<\/span><\/p>\n It would be a hard battle, but with you by her side, she could slowly overcome the trauma of her past. Choosing to love someone with trauma from sexual abuse also means doing everything you can for her to move on and live afind normal life.<\/span><\/p>\n But how do you support a person who has experienced sexual abuse? Below are five ways you can show your support.<\/span><\/p>\n If your spouse was a victim of childhood or teen sexual abuse, she may be unknowingly bringing some of the aftereffects of her abuse into the marriage bed.<\/span><\/p>\n It can be confusing and frustrating for both of you, blaming yourselves or each other for lack of <\/span>connection and intimacy<\/span><\/a> you can’t explain.<\/span><\/p>\n However, there are ways in which you can support her in feeling safe and loved so that she can open up to deeper and richer experiences of sexual intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n When children are threatened with any kind of inappropriate behavior, whether the threat is real or not, they learn to protect themselves. They may tense up their bodies, find ways to be “invisible,” or act out in rebellious ways.<\/span><\/p>\n Often, these behaviors become embedded in the psyche and are unconsciously carried into adult lif<\/span>e. The key is to help sexually abused women cope.<\/span><\/p>\n Though it takes time, courage, and patience to unwind the protective behaviors, it is possible to successfully shed them and be free to experience a<\/span> joyful sex life<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n No matter <\/span>how much she loves you<\/span><\/a> and wants a beautiful sex life with you, the unconscious need to protect herself may trigger puzzling fears, tears, and boundaries when you approach her for sex.<\/span><\/p>\n Your natural male exuberance can feel like pressure if she has shut down her own innate responsiveness. The result can be that she either pushes you away or says yes when she really means no.<\/span><\/p>\n If you get to understand your partner’s trauma and past, you will willingly give time and patience and help this person overcome their trauma through coping strategies.<\/span><\/p>\n The<\/span> second <\/span>way you can support her is to talk about it. Open the lines of<\/span> communication and understanding<\/span><\/a>, letting her know that you want to support her and are willing to be present with whatever happens.<\/span><\/p>\n If emotions arise that don’t make any sense, simply be present with her and encourage her to feel whatever she is feeling. More than likely, it’s not about you, so don’t take it personally.<\/span><\/p>\n There’s often a tendency to want to make the emotion mean something, but it may be completely unrelated to the present circumstances. There’s no need to assign a story or drama. Invite her to just feel rather than stuffing the emotion back down, and that will give it a chance to release and clear.<\/span><\/p>\n The third way you can support her is to create times for closeness and sensuality that do not have a goal of sex. Give her time to warm up and let her<\/span> guard down with touch<\/span><\/a>, kissing, and cuddling with no agenda.<\/span><\/p>\n Set these times up with the verbal agreement that they are not about sex but about building intimacy. As you build intimacy together, you are also creating safety and trust, which are solid cornerstones of a happy sexual relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n Remember that intimacy isn’t just about sex or getting physical.<\/span> Emotional intimacy<\/span><\/a>, for one, could help with your partner’s healing. Slowly, she could start opening up and once she does, everything else could follow.<\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Taylor Burrows works as a Life and Relationship Coach, and she wants to share about the different types of intimacy and how it helps us and our relationships. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<\/span>What is sexual abuse?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
Here are just some examples of sexual abuse:<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\n<\/span>What to do when your partner is sexually abused<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Listen and understand <\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Believe their story<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Be a friend<\/b><\/h3>\n
4. Cooperate with your partner’s requests sexually<\/b><\/h3>\n
5. Give the support that they need<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\n<\/span>5 ways to support your sexually abused wife<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Understand coping strategies, fears, and tears<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Address the heightened emotions with care<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Sensual intimacy <\/b><\/h3>\n