![\"How](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/How-to-Stop-the-Codependency-Dance.jpg\" "\\"How")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
The codependency dance is a dance of fear, insecurity, shame, and resentment. These difficult feelings develop as the result of childhood experiences, and we carry them with us into adulthood. Becoming a healthy adult means letting go of all the toxic lessons from childhood and learning how to live independently so that you can one day live interdependently. <\/span><\/p>\n Codependents<\/a> seek someone to nurture them the way their parents never did. Their desperate fear of rejection stemmed from their childhood spills onto their adult life. As a result, they try to cling to their partner. Their goal is to make someone so dependent on them that they will never be able to leave. Consequently, they attract self-centered partners—people who don’t want to put any effort into a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n In a codependent relationship, neither person will ever get what they need. One person is trying to control the relationship by doing everything, and the other is trying to control the relationship by being passive and threatening to leave if they don’t get their way. There is no dignity for either if both partners are unable to disengage when it is obvious the relationship is no longer working. Neither is being authentic; both are twisting themselves into who they think they need to be to keep the relationship going. <\/span><\/p>\n Releasing codependency is all about unearthing your authentic self that has been shrouded in shame and fear. By releasing the wounds of childhood, you release the need to control others—and their ability to control you. You can never actually remake someone into the person you want them to be, not even if you do everything for them. When you release your old wounds, you release the need to try. <\/span><\/p>\n Your partner can never give you everything you didn’t get as a child. It’s important to acknowledge the neglect or abandonment that you faced in your childhood, but at the same time to let go of that child-like part of yourself. Think about accepting and healing those early wounds, rather than using them as an impetus to seek or stay in an unhealthy relationship<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n We need to teach ourselves the dance of power, courage, and determination. It’s a dance about honoring your own values and letting the desperation go; when you know your own worth, you are more able to be autonomous and less vulnerable to falling into a codependent relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n Related:<\/strong> Recognizing and Overcoming Codependency in Relationships<\/a><\/p>\n<\/span>What happens in a codependent relationship?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Combating codependency<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Combating](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Combating-codependency.jpg\" "\\"Combating")
<\/p>\n<\/span>Realizing your own worth to chuck codependent tendencies<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n