

{"id":18228,"date":"2017-10-04T11:31:05","date_gmt":"2017-10-04T11:31:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=18228"},"modified":"2026-03-20T06:41:22","modified_gmt":"2026-03-20T06:41:22","slug":"5-steps-to-fix-an-unhappy-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/5-steps-to-fix-an-unhappy-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Tips on How to Fix an Unhappy Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-18229 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/5-Steps-to-Fix-an-Unhappy-Marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Sad Women Sitting Alone In Bedroom On Bed While Man Is Under The Blanket &amp; Sleeping Relationship Difficulties Concept\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The reason why many <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/causes-of-unhappy-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">marriages become unhappy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has a lot to do with tension, miscommunication, betrayal, disappointment, and many other painful things associated with<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">love<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in relationships.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Depending on the circumstances of your own love story, there are some steps that could be taken to fix your unhappy marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is a chance for you to reach the light at the end of what is likely going to be a very long tunnel. This will require some marriage re-education, bravery, and willingness to take the right steps.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, rebuilding a marriage isn&rsquo;t necessarily going to be a process of ongoing improvement, full of successful outcomes. Sometimes it might get a little bit worse before it gets any better. As everything meaningful in life, a marriage needs effort, time, and dedication, but you need to make sure that you are using those valuable resources in the right way.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/5-steps-to-fix-an-unhappy-marriage\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">5 Steps on How to Fix an Unhappy Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><b>10 tips on how to fix an unhappy marriage<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68976\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/tips-on-how-to-fix-an-unhappy-marriage1.jpg\" alt=\"happy couple sitting on couch and talking\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you often feel, &ldquo;I am unhappy in my relationship but don&rsquo;t want to break up?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/6-ways-to-successfully-fix-save-a-broken-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how to fix a marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> when one is unhappy?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To give you a clearer direction in terms of what you need to do to fix your unhappy marriage, we recommend these <\/span><b>10 steps<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> on how to fix an unhappy marriage can g<\/span><b>uide you towards more fulfillment and happiness<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with your current partner:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Stop causing further damage to your marriage<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to repair my marriage?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The most immediate thing for how to fix an unhappy marriage and stop causing further damage is to avoid the<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/common-mistakes-women-make-in-a-marriage\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">most common marital mistakes made by couples<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. These mistakes include:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Initiating needless conflicts\/arguments\/debates<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Victimising, begging and pleading (especially when it is done in public)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/the-blame-game-is-destructive-to-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Blaming and accusing your partner<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Turning to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/how-to-handle-emotional-blackmail-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">emotional blackmailing<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in order to control your partner<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bad-mouthing your partner<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even though, at times, the appeal to engage in such behaviors can seem irresistible, it is crucial that we take a step back and refrain from causing further damage to our marriage by finding alternative ways to deal with hurt, tension, or frustration.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Eliminate the urge to &ldquo;act out&rdquo; on negative feelings<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As previously mentioned, negative feelings are related to tension, miscommunication, betrayal, and disappointment can be a great source of unhappiness and a sense of failure in many marriages.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/romance\/5-things-struggling-couples-should-know-about-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To fix and heal the struggling relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, we first need to stop causing more negativity (step 1) and then learn how to deal with the negativity that is already there (step 2).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It might not be a pleasure to hear this, but realistically, no one wants to be married to a<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/5-warning-signs-your-spouse-is-depressed-and-what-to-do-about-it\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">person who is always depressed<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, angry, struggling, insecure, or clingy. That&rsquo;s just how things are, and no one is to be blamed for that fact of life. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, what you can do is develop a capacity to deal with negativity in an effective and self-empowering way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of &ldquo;acting out,&rdquo; you can learn to &ldquo;act within.&rdquo; Besides being the best thing that happened to your marriage, this ability will support you in becoming extremely resilient in life, in general.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\">Dr. Jennifer Schulz<\/a>, PhD in Psychology, says<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Life can be stressful, but taking the tension out on your partner never leads to happy outcomes. Finding adaptive ways to cope, such as by maintaining a calendar, taking time for exercise, or practicing deep breathing, can make a world of difference.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<pre><b><i>Relate Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/negative-relationship-what-to-do-about-it\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Fix a Negative Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>3. Let go of the need to always be right<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The need to always be right is usually used for only one thing- murdering your marriage. The fights and arguments that are initiated to make this &ldquo;power game&rdquo; possible are only generating losers, guilt, and resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">if you &ldquo;win&rdquo; an argument<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, the satisfying feeling of moral victory is usually very short-lived. In a matter of seconds, your glory can turn into guilt and regret, and that&rsquo;s why being happy is more important than being &ldquo;right.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Schulz states,<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The end goal of conflict is to arrive at a mutual understanding, not to win an argument.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<pre><b><i>Also Try: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/do-we-fight-too-much-quiz\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do We Fight Too Much Quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>4. Acknowledge the current challenges and possibilities<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68977\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/acknowledge-the-current-challenges-and-possibilities.jpg\" alt=\"african American couple holding hands\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One way to do this is to become honest with yourself and others and do an inventory of your marriage that includes answers to questions like these ones:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How unhappy do you feel in your marriage?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In what way is the unhappiness of your marriage influencing your children (if there are any)?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is the price you are paying for being unhappily married? How is your career doing? What about your friendships?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How is marital unhappiness influencing your sense of self-worth?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How is the quality of your<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sex life<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">? What is the level of emotional and sexual<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">intimacy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in your marriage?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In what way is your unhappy marriage impacting your overall health and well-being?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can do this exercise on your own and use it as a reflective practice, or you can share it with someone you trust and have confidence in (could be your partner too if you feel that this is the correct thing to do).<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Turn your marital struggles into personal growth opportunities<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At this point, your unhappy marriage might seem like a total nightmare, and it might be difficult to recognize the positive sides of your circumstances. The fact that you don&rsquo;t see the positive sides doesn&rsquo;t mean that there aren&rsquo;t any, so having a look from another perspective can help you recognize the great learning potential that is available in an unhappy marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As marriages present our opportunity to mend our core childhood wounds, if you manage to fix your current marital situation, you will, at the same time, heal your very own soul. Usually, the partners we choose have the ability to trigger the painful patterns that keep us stuck and unhappy in life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If we learn to rise above our childhood conditioning and reinvent ourselves through awareness and healthy habits, we will have the ability to experience fuller and richer life, including a happier marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/fix-marriage-problems-before-its-too-late\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">4 Steps to Fix Marriage Problems Before It&rsquo;s Too Late<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>6. Build healthy communication skills<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Healthy <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/the-importance-of-communication-in-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">communication in marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is one of the important pillars of marriage. In a good and healthy marriage, couples are able to talk freely, openly, and honestly with each other.&nbsp; Not only do they express their feelings without any inhibitions, but they also listen to each other&rsquo;s concerns empathetically.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/o.b5z.net\/i\/u\/6076626\/f\/EFFECTIVE_COMMUNICATION_IN_A_MARRIAG2.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Healthy communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> leads the way to address each other&rsquo;s concerns. In any relationship, it is normal to be off-track at times, and the emotions can spill all over the place. However, the right communication skill is one of the most important tools of how to fix an unhappy marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Make your marriage a priority<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many couples could be unhappy in marriage and wonder what to do about it. One of the ways of how to mend a marriage is to keep loving each other and continue showing<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/act-of-service-love-language\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> acts of love<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Making your marriage a priority means ensuring that you and your partner are connected on an everyday basis. This also means spending alone time together, appreciating your spouse, and avoiding over-committing to each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is natural for couples to drift apart after long periods of marriage, but some changes in the relationship are sure to fix a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/steps-for-finding-closure-after-a-failed-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">failed relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/how-to-express-your-love\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">10 Ways to Show Your Love to Your Partner<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>8. Practice forgiveness&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A relationship can face several wounds, and if partners don&rsquo;t forgive each other from time to time, there will be a lack of trust and empathy in the relationship. Moreover, forgiveness also brings freedom to the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Forgiveness also means that the partners love and accept each other in full spirit. Also, carrying a weight of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/maritalintimacyinst.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/Letting-Go-of-Resentment-in-Marriage-exercises-FINAL.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">resentment <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and unforgiveness puts a lot of pressure on the relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/277647759_The_Unburdening_Effects_of_Forgiveness_Effects_on_Slant_Perception_and_Jumping_Height\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Research <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">also suggests that not letting go of resentment and not <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/how-to-practice-forgiveness-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">practicing forgiveness<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has physical effects.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Check out this video below where Eileen Fein teaches how meditation can help couples practice forgiveness.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ex1zKugPWng\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Create boundaries<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unhappily married couples could possibly not be creating space between them. As much as it is important to spend time together, boundaries in the relationship are also a way of how to fix an unhappy marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unhappiness in marriage often creeps in when boundaries are absent. Boundaries are basically a line that couples create to avoid exploitation and manipulation in marriage, and they are necessary because they make both the spouses take the responsibility and a step to resolve conflicts.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some of the necessary boundaries in marriage are giving each other freedom, having self-control, avoiding physical abuse, envy, rudeness. Saying &lsquo;No&rsquo; is an important aspect of keeping the set boundaries thriving and the relationship healthy.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/signs-you-need-space-in-your-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">15 Signs You Need Space in Your Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>10. Get help<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Couples therapy is often taken as one of the last resorts or steps to repair a marriage, and spouses only approach therapists when they feel miserable in a marriage.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, as a solution to how to fix an unhappy marriage, couples counseling can be a part of the process along with taking other steps to build the marriage.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Therapists give more focused ways to fix a marriage based on the specific problem of the couple. They can also guide you with the right tools to fix a marriage when one is unhappy.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/couples-counseling-and-why-its-so-important\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Couples Counseling and Why It&rsquo;s so Important<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>Takeaway<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An unhappy marriage needs attention, love, and care. It needs to be tended just as a plant needs to be nurtured.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Building a healthy marriage takes a lot of work, and when for one or another reason, the relationship moves towards doom, couples need to work extremely hard to save a failing marriage, and the aforementioned steps are sure to help you build a beautiful love life together.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The reason why many marriages become unhappy has a lot to do with tension, miscommunication, betrayal, disappointment, and many other painful things associated with love in relationships.&nbsp; Depending on the circumstances of your own love story, there are some steps that could be taken to fix your unhappy marriage. There is a chance for you to reach the light at the end of what is likely going to be a very long tunnel. This will require some marriage re-education, bravery, and willingness to take the right steps. However, rebuilding a marriage isn&rsquo;t necessarily going to be a process of ongoing <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1419,"featured_media":18229,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[16],"tags":[2678],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18228"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18228"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18228\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":118597,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18228\/revisions\/118597"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18229"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18228"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18228"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18228"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}