{"id":17769,"date":"2017-09-21T12:42:36","date_gmt":"2017-09-21T12:42:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=17769"},"modified":"2025-11-24T07:01:07","modified_gmt":"2025-11-24T07:01:07","slug":"improve-communication-during-a-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/improve-communication-during-a-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Easy Ways to Resolve Conflict &#038; Improve Marriage Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17772 size-full\" title=\"Improve Communication During a Conflict \" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Improve-Communication-During-a-Conflict-.jpg\" alt=\"Improve Communication During a Conflict \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every marriage has its fights, especially when the efforts to&nbsp;improve communication skills diminish and&nbsp;communication and conflict become strange bedfellows.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes you&rsquo;ve both had a rough day, or you just can&rsquo;t see eye to eye on an issue. Everyone gets out of the wrong side of the bed and spends the day cranky from time to time. However, it is important to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4852543\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">improve communication in a marriage as it facilitates higher marital satisfaction<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So,&nbsp;how to communicate with your partner while avoiding resentment and shouting matches? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are a wife looking up for advice on&nbsp;how to communicate with a husband without fighting, or a husband who feels like a deer caught in the headlights when the subject of communication and conflict resolution<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;broaches, read on.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-communicate-with-your-spouse-effectively\"><\/span>How to communicate with your spouse effectively<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/fru0YalyWJM?si=6e8FSsX_vxbbsudA\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div class=\"subscribeYT_highlight\"><div class=\"subscribe_channel\">\r\n            <div class=\"subscribe_text\">Join millions <span class=\"sub_text1\">building healthier, happier<\/span> <span class=\"sub_text2\"> relationships.<\/span><\/div>\r\n            <a class=\"subscribe-btn-in-content\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@Marriagedotcom?sub_confirmation=1\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/youtube_icon_small.png\" class=\"icon-left\" alt=\"YouTube\">\r\n            <span>Subscribe<\/span>\r\n            <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"\/images\/bell_icon_new.svg\" class=\"icon-right\" alt=\"Extra Icon\">\r\n            <\/a>\r\n        <\/div><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No couple should aim to have no fights in their marriage. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the&nbsp;ways to improve <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/bible-verses-about-communication\/\">marriage communication<\/a> is to keep the end goal in mind. This will help you argue effectively, stay close, and be there for each other, always. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.focusonthefamily.com\/marriage\/four-types-of-communication-to-strengthen-your-marriage\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">Here are some interesting types of interactions<\/a> to incorporate within your everyday communication to enjoy a&nbsp;high-functioning relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conflict is a normal part of being in a relationship, and even the most committed married couples fall out from time to time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, that doesn&rsquo;t mean you should just let arguments go unchecked. Fighting can quickly become toxic and damage your relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is crucial to remember that&nbsp;improving communication skills with the spouse is possible only with the right intention and a steely resolve to diffuse an impasse, in the course of communication during conflict.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>That&rsquo;s why learning to fight fair is so important when&nbsp;communicating with your spouse &ndash; it means you can meet conflict head-on without hurting each other<\/strong> or causing lasting harm to your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The mark of a strong relationship isn&rsquo;t whether or not you argue, it&rsquo;s how well you resolve problems when they arise. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make painful conflict a thing of the past and learn to fight fair with these simple ways to improve relationship communication and enjoy a blissful married life.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Here are 8 ways to improve communication in marriage as you feel your bodies flooding with adrenaline preparing to fight and you both lose sight of&nbsp;how to communicate during a conflict.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Also watch:<\/strong> What Is a Relationship Conflict?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ZN8D1j71ZGk\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Create-a-time-out-system\"><\/span><b>1. Create a time out system<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There&rsquo;s no law about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/communication-failures\/\">communication in marriage<\/a>, that says once a fight has started, it has to run its course. It&rsquo;s perfectly ok to request a time out to cool off, calm down, and think about the next best step. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To improve communication and fix resentment<strong> institute a time out system with your partner and agree that either of you can call &ldquo;pause&rdquo; on a fight at any time. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can use a specific code word that you agree on, or you can simply say &ldquo;time out.&rdquo; <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember to always honor each other&rsquo;s time our requests &ndash; don&rsquo;t try to finish your point after your partner asks for a time out.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Keep-to-the-subject\"><\/span><b>2. Keep to the subject<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you fight, focus on what the fight is about.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Resist the urge to drag up things from the past. If you&rsquo;re frustrated because you seem to do all the chores, talk about that. Don&rsquo;t drag up that one time they stood you up for an important event.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Using fights to air every past resentment only causes pain and is more likely to drive your partner away.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Agree-to-fight\"><\/span><b>3. Agree to fight<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-49046 size-full\" title=\"Agree to fight\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/agree-to-fight.jpg\" alt=\"Agree to fight\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It sounds odd and counter-intuitive when we make crib notes to improve communication, but it&rsquo;s best if you can agree to fight. Instead of telling your partner that you&rsquo;re going to have it out, right now, whether they like it or not &ndash; ask them. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tell them that there&rsquo;s something you need to talk about and ask if it&rsquo;s a good time. Of course, if they keep dodging the subject, there&rsquo;s a problem, but <strong>it&rsquo;s only respectful to give them the chance to say if they&rsquo;re ready and agree to the discussion.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4-Don%E2%80%99t-aim-to-win\"><\/span><b>4. Don&rsquo;t aim to win<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<blockquote><p><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner is not your opponent, and this is not a contest. <\/span><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don&rsquo;t go into a fight with the aim of winning it. When one of you wins, neither of you really wins &ndash; how can you, when the other is left defeated? You&rsquo;re a team, and you&rsquo;re still a team when you&rsquo;re fighting. Aim for an outcome that you can both agree with.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-Quit-yelling\"><\/span><b>5. Quit yelling<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yelling puts your partner on the defensive and doesn&rsquo;t help to improve communication at all. When you shout at someone you become the aggressor and they naturally go on the defensive and either shut you out or yell back. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>If you feel like shouting, take a time out and come back to the discussion when you can be calmer<\/strong>. Learn to put your point across without shouting at your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6-Pick-your-time\"><\/span><b>6. Pick your time<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not all time is fair game for a fight. If your partner is exhausted from work, or you&rsquo;re trying to deal with the kids, or you&rsquo;re about to head out to meet your couple friends, don&rsquo;t fight. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>If you want to improve communication, choose a time to have your discussion when you are both feeling relatively at ease,<\/strong> and you know you won&rsquo;t be interrupted. You&rsquo;re not aiming to sneak attack on your partner, but rather to find the right time and space for a talk.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7-Don%E2%80%99t-go-for-the-jugular\"><\/span><b>7. Don&rsquo;t go for the jugular<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<ul><li><strong>Everyone has sensitivities and weak spots. <\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Chances are you know your partner and they know yours &ndash; so don&rsquo;t use them against each other. <\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul><blockquote><p><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter how angry you are, don&rsquo;t use their insecurities against them. <\/span><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The damage you do could ripple out long after the fight has ended. You&rsquo;re not fighting to hurt each other &ndash; you&rsquo;re discussing an issue so you can resolve it, improve communication and move forward in a way you&rsquo;re both happy with.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"8-Keep-your-sense-of-humor\"><\/span><b>8. Keep your sense of humor<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-49047 size-full\" title=\"Keep your sense of humor\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/keep-your-sense-of-humor.jpg\" alt=\"Keep your sense of humor\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/314634799_Humor_in_romantic_relationships_A_meta-analysis_Humor_meta-analysis\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> sense of humor<\/a> can go a long way to resolving conflicts and dissolving tensions. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When things are tense, don&rsquo;t be afraid to crack a joke or make a quip you know your partner will laugh at too. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be willing to laugh together and see the funny side of your disagreement, even if you&rsquo;re angry, too. Laughter brings you closer and reminds you that you&rsquo;re in the same team.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fights don&rsquo;t have to be ugly and painful. Practice these techniques of effective communication during relationship conflict so you can learn to fight more fairly. If everything else fails, d<strong>on&rsquo;t hesitate to seek third party, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedaily.com\/releases\/2016\/07\/160707120507.htm\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">professional intervention to improve communication with the help of counseling<\/a>.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Turn conflicts into opportunities for better relationship <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/common-relationship-communication-problems\/\">communication, before communication breakdown mars your relationship<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Every marriage has its fights, especially when the efforts to&nbsp;improve communication skills diminish and&nbsp;communication and conflict become strange bedfellows.&nbsp; Sometimes you&rsquo;ve both had a rough day, or you just can&rsquo;t see eye to eye on an issue. Everyone gets out of the wrong side of the bed and spends the day cranky from time to time. However, it is important to improve communication in a marriage as it facilitates higher marital satisfaction. So,&nbsp;how to communicate with your partner while avoiding resentment and shouting matches? If you are a wife looking up for advice on&nbsp;how to communicate with a husband without <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":17772,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[2509],"class_list":["post-17769","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-resolve-arguments-peacefully","has_thumb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17769","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17769"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17769\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":114065,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17769\/revisions\/114065"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17772"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17769"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17769"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17769"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}