

{"id":17171,"date":"2017-09-06T10:13:31","date_gmt":"2017-09-06T10:13:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=17171"},"modified":"2023-04-26T05:16:14","modified_gmt":"2023-04-26T05:16:14","slug":"the-psychology-of-toxic-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/the-psychology-of-toxic-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"The Psychology of Toxic Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-17203 size-full\" title=\"The Psychology of Toxic Relationships\" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/The-Psychology-of-Toxic-Relationships.jpg\" alt=\"The Psychology of Toxic Relationships\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every relationship takes work, even the healthiest ones, so how do we know if our problems are just a normal phase or a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/warning-signs-of-a-toxic-relationship\/\">sign of a toxic relationship<\/a>?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The amount of work we need to put in to make it work varies from relationship to relationship. But one thing is sure; after some time, it should pay off.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you try to make it work, you will be able to enjoy the sun after the storm and come out of it stronger than ever.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But if it doesn&rsquo;t, and if it is a constant struggle with short occasions of happiness, you should ask yourself if it is worth it or not.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>A toxic relationship&rsquo;s psychology isn&rsquo;t always apparent, and even if it is, many of us fail to recognize the toxic relationship traits.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So what is the psychology behind toxic relationships? Can a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/7-ways-to-heal-your-toxic-relationship\/\">toxic relationship be fixed<\/a>? And if it can&rsquo;t be fixed, then how to leave a toxic relationship?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The article highlights the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/toxic-person\/\">characteristics of toxic relationships<\/a>, why we engage in such relationships, and how to avoid them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Also watch: 7 early signs of a toxic relationship<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/HDNMvuQrcGk\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are some aspects of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-turn-a-toxic-relationship-into-a-healthy-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">toxic relationships<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to help you understand and recognize them more easily.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-a-toxic-relationship\"><\/span>What is a toxic relationship?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><b>A <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lbenrubipsychotherapy.com\/uploads\/4\/5\/6\/1\/45614529\/toxicrelationshiptemplatepdf.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><b>toxic marriage or relationship<\/b><\/a><b> is one in which there is a repetitive, mutually destructive, unhealthy pattern that causes more harm than good for both the individuals.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It may involve possessiveness, jealousy, dominance, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/recognize-and-handle-manipulation-in-relationships\/\">manipulation<\/a>, even abuse, or a combination of these toxic behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The partners usually feel the need to be with each other no matter what, and they are not considerate enough to realize the impact of their behavior on the other person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They just want to hold on to their bond so badly, only for the sake of being together. The quality of their time spent together is neglected.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They usually confuse <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">love<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for emotional hunger and feel like their spouse is their property so that they have <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/is-he-really-controlling-heres-how-to-know\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">control over them<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:<\/strong>&nbsp;<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/toxic-girlfriend\/\"><em>How to Handle a Toxic Girlfrien<\/em>d<\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Toxic-relationship-signs\"><\/span><span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15233,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"10\":2,\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"toxic relationship signs\"}'>Toxic relationship signs<\/span><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50268 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Toxic-relationship-signs.jpg\" alt=\"Couple ignoring each other \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First of all, you feel tired all the time and every situation that is supposed to be a happy one, a celebration, a birthday, a romantic night out, it all turns into a catastrophe.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are in a good mood, your partner always finds a way to make you feel down again. There is always something to worry about, and you just want a break away from it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being uncomfortable around your spouse is a clear sign, too. You feel like they will always make some kind of a sarcastic comment or judge you no matter what you do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You always feel guilty<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, even though you&rsquo;ve done nothing wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You don&rsquo;t seem to get the support you need from this person; it is not a safe, healthy bond. It<a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/trapped-in-a-relationship\/\"> feels like you are trapped<\/a>, helpless to change anything, and like you can&rsquo;t do anything right.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>The most important thing in a relationship is to have a positive influence from your partner, and if you feel like your spouse is just the opposite, then it is a clear sign of a toxic match.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are some more toxic relationship patterns and signs:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are always engulfed by a bad feeling.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Keeping a scorecard.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You bury your feelings and opinions.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An apparent lack of effort from your partner.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Verbal or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/physical-abuse-facts-and-stats\/\">physical abuse<\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/\">Passive-aggressive behavior<\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lack of healthy boundaries.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Constant insecurity, jealousy, and lies.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><pre><em><strong>Related Reading:<\/strong>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/7-ways-to-heal-your-toxic-relationship\/\">Ways to Fix a Toxic Relationship<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why-we-engage-in-such-relationships\"><\/span>Why we engage in such relationships<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50269 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Why-we-engage-in-such-relationships.jpg\" alt=\"Couple ignoring each other \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even though we know the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/quora\/2018\/05\/03\/research-shows-bad-relationships-can-also-mean-bad-health\/#3855def1d5e1\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">effects of toxic relationships<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> like mental health implications, loss of confidence, stress, and anxiety, we&rsquo;ve all engaged in at least one of them. But why?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Engaging in a toxic relationship has three possible reasons.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First, we are suppressing our thoughts and emotions because, for some reason, we think we need this person or that we must be with them. Maybe it&rsquo;s because of the kids or because we assume that we don&rsquo;t deserve better than that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Second, it is maybe because of our own undesirable characteristics we should work on. Maybe we are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/fear-of-being-alone-in-love-relationships\/\">afraid of being alone<\/a>. Or perhaps we are <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/am-i-being-manipulated-by-my-partner-quiz\">manipulated by our partner<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If we are passive, we will easily be manipulated by someone who likes to give orders and loves control.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>If we are easily guided by guilt, and if our partner knows that, he can easily trick us into thinking we have done something wrong.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The third possible reason is that we all have some unresolved issues from our childhood, so maybe we are just unconsciously repeating some unhealthy patterns instead of dealing with them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some people engage in relationships because they want to find someone who is directly the opposite of their father, brother, or ex-partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, they just go from one unhealthy extreme to another, thinking it is going to be the right option.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:<\/strong>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-leave-a-toxic-relationship\/\">Essential Tips on How to Get out of a Toxic Relationship<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-avoid-a-toxic-relationship\"><\/span>How to avoid a toxic relationship<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50270 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/How-to-avoid-a-toxic-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"Man scolding woman \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you struggle in a relationship with someone, you have to ask yourself where do these problems come from.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you really want to be with this person? Are you with them because of their positive traits or because it is better than being alone?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try to identify your defense mechanisms, fears, and flaws, so you are more self-conscious and, therefore, aware of the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.redonline.co.uk\/wellbeing\/sex-relationships\/a32400735\/how-to-tell-if-someone-likes-you\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">reason why someone attracts you<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is your partner someone you are proud to be with because it is someone respectful, admirable, honest, and caring? If he is, it is still worth working on.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Try to find a reason why you are still with your partner and take control of your own decisions.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, the key is to analyze yourself, your partner, and your relationship. And, the most important part is to be honest with yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you somehow still find yourself in a relationship adding <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/do-toxic-relationships-ever-work\/\">toxicity in your life, maybe you can try leaving a toxic relationship<\/a> and moving on.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Every relationship takes work, even the healthiest ones, so how do we know if our problems are just a normal phase or a sign of a toxic relationship? The amount of work we need to put in to make it work varies from relationship to relationship. But one thing is sure; after some time, it should pay off. If you try to make it work, you will be able to enjoy the sun after the storm and come out of it stronger than ever. But if it doesn&rsquo;t, and if it is a constant struggle with short occasions of happiness, <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":17203,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2605],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17171"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17171"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17171\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":76935,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17171\/revisions\/76935"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17203"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}