

{"id":17154,"date":"2017-09-06T09:43:49","date_gmt":"2017-09-06T09:43:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=17154"},"modified":"2026-03-20T09:02:47","modified_gmt":"2026-03-20T09:02:47","slug":"dos-and-donts-of-handling-separation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/dos-and-donts-of-handling-separation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Dos and Don\u2019ts of Handling Separation in Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-49727\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/the-dos-and-don%E2%80%99ts-of-handling-separation-in-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/topics\/divorce-child-custody\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, 50 percent of marriages end in divorce; that&rsquo;s the bitter truth. Couples with the hope of restoring their marriages opt for <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">separation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to create space to evaluate whether to divorce or not.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Separation in marriage is a scenario wherein a married couple stops living together without getting a divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-marital-separation\"><\/span>What is marital separation?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marital separation can be the initial step to divorce; unless partners apply the right skills to use it as a reconciliation tool.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marital separation of spouses can be done both informally or through a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">legal separation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> by filing for a separation agreement in court.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When dealing with a separation in a marriage, both spouses must take the initiative to have a fruitful separation that can lead later to a blissful marriage.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to handle a separation of marriage? And what is the best way to handle marriage separation?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Also watch:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Aa1oaOyTrQs\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To help you in dealing with a separation from your spouse, we have listed some essential dos and don&rsquo;ts of separation to ensure that you can use your marriage separation as a tool to get back together and enhance your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Have-a-common-shared-goal\"><\/span>Have a common shared goal<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When handling separation, be in agreement with your spouse as to why you have to make a decision to separate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A blind separation is difficult to mend, and leaves hurt feelings between the partners, lengthening the healing process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let your spouse understand your feelings and your need to take time off from your marriage for the benefit of both of you and the children.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>The ample space and time give room to make a sober decision without the influence of your partner.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One gets the opportunity to reflect and run a SWOT (Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats) analysis on the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/realistic-relationship-goals\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">marriage goals<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, to ensure that you have a productive marriage separation, you must also clarify a set of marriage separation goals.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your marriage separation goals must include:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The timeline for the marriage separation<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Responsibilities and role of each partner during the separation period<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Constraints and rules both spouses will follow during separation time<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/managing-expectations-in-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">expectations<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of both parties to mend the marriage<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Be-respectful-and-kind\"><\/span>Be respectful and kind<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-49728\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Be-respectful-and-kind.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Separation can have roots in unresolved differences, unwillingness to forgive one another, failure to take responsibility for your actions, and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/4-reasons-and-remedies-for-poor-communication\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">poor <\/span><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With all these hurt feelings, your emotions can prompt insults or bitter verbal utterances that augments the emotional distance between the two of you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Take control of your emotions; allow reasoning to take center stage at this time.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being respectful and kind during your separation will play a major role in reconciling your marriage and would also ensure that your kids are protected from being emotionally scarred.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Never-pressurize-your-partner\"><\/span>Never pressurize your partner<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is the &ldquo;me time&rdquo; ideal for self-evaluation and realization of the significance of your spouse in your life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, separation brings with itself the fear of uncertainty. This fear compels partners to force each other to unwillingly make a choice, which is detrimental to any relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just like you need time to take the broad step of breaking or making the marriage, <\/span><b>allow your spouse to make independent decisions with no pressure.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The personal verdict defines the assessment of the situation and a permanent solution.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Seek a marriage counselor<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">counseling<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is a form of psychotherapy that aids couples in identifying conflicts and resolving them in order to improve their relationship. It sounds like something that a couple in separation can take advantage of.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Commit to the decision to seek the services of a professional third party to help both of you in the healing process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>You must realize that by opting for a marriage counselor, you are able to access a variety of structured techniques to give your relationship a direction despite the separation.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They also help you execute on the most appropriate direction after careful deliberations and assessment of the situation at hand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you still hold to hurt feelings, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/inspiring-lessons-on-how-to-forgive-in-a-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">forgiveness<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is not an option for you, yet, it is essential for marriage restoration. Counseling can be helpful with finding forgiveness too.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage counseling comes in handy as a therapeutic measure for relief to move on with life without affecting your health.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Avoid-a-rebound-relationship\"><\/span>Avoid a rebound relationship<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-49729\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Avoid-a-rebound-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><b>Never opt for another relationship before you officially divorce your husband or wife.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Enjoy the personal space and time by investing in grooming yourself. If you have kids, then it is the time to give them all the attention now that you play the role of both a mother and a father.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Don%E2%80%99t-drag-the-kids-into-the-mix\"><\/span>Don&rsquo;t drag the kids into the mix<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A separation or divorce can have a disastrous impact on a kid&rsquo;s life. Separation can be a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC2817796\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">painful process for your children<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that can lead to internalized and external problems.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC6313686\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><b>Research<\/b><\/a><b> indicates that parental divorce\/separation is associated with an increased risk for child and adolescent adjustment problems<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, including academic difficulties (e.g., lower grades and school dropout), disruptive behaviors (e.g., conduct and substance use problems), and depressed mood.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Children are innocent; they are not a party to your conflicts. Inform them of what to expect without getting into finer details unless they are of age.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Never talk ill of your spouse around them; as it will only have a negative effect on your children and they will feel guilty and confused around their loyalties to both parents.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Set-boundaries-and-stick-to-them\"><\/span>Set boundaries and stick to them<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is a difference between marriage and separation. If you allow your spouse to enjoy all the rights of marriage like <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">intimacy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, they might not be in a hurry to sort things out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While drafting the goal, set boundaries, and strictly adhere to them.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Communicate-regularly\"><\/span>Communicate regularly<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communication is paramount both in marriage or separation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let your communication channels be open at whatever time to prevent suspicion. It is the right tool to open up and speak about your hurt feelings, center your talk in a professional manner lest you avoid the issues, and start &ldquo;dating.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Couples who opt for marital separation must have an open mind on the direction of the marriage.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The success of the dos and don&rsquo;ts in handling marriage separation means you have the possibility of marriage restoration while its failure means you are headed for a divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>According to a study, 50 percent of marriages end in divorce; that&rsquo;s the bitter truth. Couples with the hope of restoring their marriages opt for separation to create space to evaluate whether to divorce or not. Separation in marriage is a scenario wherein a married couple stops living together without getting a divorce. What is marital separation? Marital separation can be the initial step to divorce; unless partners apply the right skills to use it as a reconciliation tool. Marital separation of spouses can be done both informally or through a legal separation by filing for a separation agreement in <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":630,"featured_media":49727,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[36],"tags":[2706],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17154"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/630"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17154"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17154\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":118675,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17154\/revisions\/118675"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/49727"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}