![\"How](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/How-Much-Resentment-do-You-Have-Towards-Your-Partner.jpg\" "\\"How")
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How can it be that for the majority of people, there was more trust, caring, and self-disclosure in their relationship<\/a> after two months of dating than after twenty years of marriage? There should be a deeper level of love, intimacy, and emotional connection after twenty years; at least that’s what logic would dictate. <\/span><\/p>\n I have been a successful marriage counselor for over thirty years. Unlike most therapists who focus on helping couples to improve their communication skills<\/a> or simply help them resolve the latent issues and resentment in a marriage that have brought them to therapy, I take a dramatically different approach to couples counseling.<\/span><\/p>\n What I have found is this: If a couple has an issue, (i.e. money, parenting, chores, etc.) and they have the ability to discuss their problems, tolerate the discomfort of an argument, and ultimately stay in the “boxing ring” long enough, they tend to resolve their differences<\/a>. It is like the issue causing resentment in marriage goes away. These couples are the ones who are able to say “you’re here, I am here, let’s compromise or negotiate a win-win. <\/span><\/p>\n However, if the couple can’t do this, if they can’t resolve their differences, if the emotions become too uncomfortable or the argument gets “de-railed “ then the issue never gets resolved and the resentment in marriage plagues the relationship happiness. <\/span><\/p>\nWhat kind of things derails an argument?<\/strong><\/h3>\n