![\"What](\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/What-To-Do-When-Your-Partner-Stops-Trying1.jpg\" "\\"What")
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Pulling dead weight is exhausting. Hopefully you’ve never had to move a real dead body. But maybe you remember the last time your toddler had a full tantrum and you had to drag them, or the last time someone fell asleep on a bad spot. It’s much harder than moving furniture or groceries. Many of the couples that I see are at least on some level committed to change, but what happens when one person isn’t?<\/p>\n
You’ve been asking for change, either subtly or straightforward. You’ve been asking yourself, ‘What can I do to make them happier?’ You’ve been trying to be a better and better partner<\/a>. And all of this has got little to no response from your partner. Often the small, positive things that they used to do to show you their love have stopped. Or worse yet, they have started doing negative, hurtful things and don’t respond to your requests to stop. Usually this stage takes a year or more before you finally realize that they don’t seem to care how you feel. You’ve become fed up with crying, begging, and feeling disappointed.<\/span><\/p>\n First, as a counselor, I would say that if you haven’t yet, you should request that you both find a professional to help you repair the relationship<\/a>. If they refuse, then I suggest you to attend to yourself! You have gone through a long period of difficult emotions, and you need someone to help you sort out your feelings, your needs, and how to handle life with a checked-out partner.<\/span><\/p>\n Either alone, or with a professional, ask yourself these questions:<\/span><\/p>\n 1. Have I clearly let them know how I feel? <\/b>Often people think, ‘Well they SHOULD KNOW how I feel!,’ but trust me, they may not know how serious is the level of your feelings. Sometimes they need to know you’re starting to think of the D-word.<\/p>\n 2. Are there blocks to progress?<\/b> If money is tight, it may make sense that Date Night can’t happen, no matter how much you need it. Using some logic may help you take the sting out of their inaction.<\/p>\n 3. How do I actually feel about this? <\/b>Many, Many times I have seen people who are just reacting to the rejection (usually from past trauma with others), and not truly out of love for their partner. Again, a therapist can help you figure out if you really love<\/a> and want to keep your relationship with your partner, or if you simply have a problem with abandonment.<\/p>\n<\/span>Is there anything I can do? I feel like I’ve tried everything.<\/span><\/h2>\n