{"id":15648,"date":"2017-06-12T11:16:49","date_gmt":"2017-06-12T11:16:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=15648"},"modified":"2026-02-27T09:58:16","modified_gmt":"2026-02-27T09:58:16","slug":"how-to-stop-having-an-affair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/how-to-stop-having-an-affair\/","title":{"rendered":"How to End an Affair With Someone You Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Suspicious<\/p>\n

If you are in an illicit <\/span>relationship outside your marriage<\/span><\/a>, you’ve probably wondered how to stop having an affair at one point or another. <\/span><\/p>\n

Affairs are exciting by nature and often give you the confidence and feelings of being desired that are lacking in your marriage. However, they also come coated with guilt and hurtful feelings for all the parties involved.<\/span><\/p>\n

How to end an affair? <\/span>Ending an affair<\/span><\/a> isn’t easy, nor is it always as quick as saying ‘It’s over’ – but you can break free from your affair addiction. This article discusses the steps to take to end your affair with dignity and put your heart back into your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>How do you stop having an affair with someone you love?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

How to end an affair with someone you love?<\/span><\/p>\n

Ending affairs when you are in love can be tricky. However, here are ten steps to end an affair when you are in a <\/span>monogamous relationship<\/span><\/a> with someone else or are married to someone and do not want to end that relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Have realistic expectations<\/b><\/h3>\n

Ending an affair is hard. So, how to end an affair in an amicable way? Set the right expectations to begin with.<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s essential to have<\/span> realistic expectations<\/span><\/a> when you have decided you want to get out of your adulterous relationship. Expect to feel hurt and guilty toward both your ex-lover and your marriage mate. <\/span><\/p>\n

Expect to feel the loss for all your lover’s qualities that you felt your partner lacked. Expect to feel resentment, heartbreak, anger, sadness, and pity.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Know who you’re hurting<\/b><\/h3>\n

How to end an affair when it hurts you?<\/span><\/p>\n

There is no best way to end an affair. If you’re about to end an affair, odds are you know exactly who’s feeling will be hurt in the process. Yourself, your lover, and your marriage mate. However, this pain can extend beyond these three parties. <\/span><\/p>\n

Children from your marriage<\/span><\/a> will be devastated and conflicted should they find out about your affair.<\/span><\/p>\n

Family and extended family might also feel hurt and angry, and friends may feel betrayed by your actions.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. Draft what you want to say<\/b><\/h3>\n

How to end an affair with someone you care about? It can be helpful to write out your goodbye before going through with ending your affair. Ending an affair is an emotionally difficult time, and you may get nervous when you’re in the moment. <\/span><\/p>\n

How to stop an affair with someone you love? Having drafted a goodbye for the breakup beforehand can help you get your thoughts together and decide what points to make without getting flustered. Make your points clear and tactful.<\/span><\/p>\n

Definitive statements are essential. Don’t blame the breakup on your marriage mate. Do not use phrases like “I love you, but I owe it to my husband\/wife to work on our marriage.” <\/span><\/p>\n

This will give your affair hope that they may be able to re-enter the picture because you still love them. Instead, use phrases and terms that your lover cannot argue with, such as “I don’t want to be in this relationship” or “This is not a good situation for me.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> 20 Things a Couple Can Do to Strengthen a Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
4. End your affair<\/b><\/h3>\n
How to end a long-term affair?<\/span><\/p>\n
Don’t put it off. It may seem tempting to postpone ending your affair. Maybe you have an anniversary with your lover coming up, or they have been particularly stressed at work recently. <\/span><\/p>\n
Regardless of circumstances, never put off ending your affair to make it easier on your soon-to-be-ex. Hesitation can cause you to lose your nerve. You have to do it now when you’re ready to end your affair.<\/span><\/p>\n
Do not feel you have to<\/span> end your relationship <\/span>face to face. This is not your marriage mate, and you do not owe this person an in-person breakup. If anything, breaking up in person may weaken your resolve to work on your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n
5. Don’t give in to a “closure” meet<\/b><\/h3>\n
\"man<\/p>\n
How to end an affair after having the conversation with your affair partner?<\/span><\/p>\n
You’ve ended your affair, and you’re feeling good, but then your ex-partner asks to meet together to gain closure. If you are serious about ending your affair, you will not give in to this temptation to meet. <\/span><\/p>\n
This could lead to a moment of weakness where you resume your affair. Be committed to ending this relationship and keeping it done with.<\/span><\/p>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>15 Tips on Getting Closure After an Affair<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
6. Pinpoint your desires to prevent future affairs<\/b><\/h3>\n
Do an honest self-examination and rediscover what you need from your marriage mate that you were seeking from someone else. What are your wants and desires in a partner? Vocalize these needs to prevent future slip-ups.<\/span><\/p>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> Dealing with the Fear of Being Cheated on Again<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
7. Identify alternate sources of excitement<\/b><\/h3>\n
How to end an emotional affair? Some people engage in <\/span>extra-marital affairs<\/span><\/a> because the secrecy involved creates excitement. Once your affair has ended, you may feel that some excitement has left your life. <\/span><\/p>\n
Discover alternative sources to excite and engage you once again, such as exercising, chasing after your dream career, or taking up a new hobby or sport.  <\/span><\/p>\n
8. Tell your partner<\/b><\/h3>\n
How to end an affair and give your marriage another shot?<\/span><\/p>\n
One of the most challenging parts of ending an affair and taking back control of your life is telling your partner. If they don’t already know, it’s best to come clean with your partner about the infidelity. Don’t feel that you have to share every single hurtful detail, but do not downplay the affair either. <\/span><\/p>\n
Remember that you strayed because something was broken in your current relationship, so you owe it to you and your partner to get everything out on the table so you can have <\/span>an honest relationship<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n
This may result in the dissolving of your relationship, or it could mean a stronger relationship in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n
Why should forgiveness after an affair be on the table? Watch this video to know more.<\/span><\/p>\n