

{"id":15482,"date":"2017-05-25T11:36:17","date_gmt":"2017-05-25T11:36:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=15482"},"modified":"2023-07-04T08:30:04","modified_gmt":"2023-07-04T08:30:04","slug":"how-to-deal-with-a-cheater","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/how-to-deal-with-a-cheater\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Deal With A Cheater? 7 Things To Note If You Have A Cheating Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-15483 size-full\" title=\"How To Deal With A Cheater\" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/318-1.jpg\" alt=\"How To Deal With A Cheater\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being cheated on is not an easy thing to handle. Learning how to deal with a cheater can help you regain control of your life and help you decide how you want to proceed.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While keying the cheater&rsquo;s car may seem like a cathartic reaction, this is not going to help you move, nor will it make you feel any better in the long run.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The adverse emotional and<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.psypost.org\/2017\/05\/psychological-distress-cheated-can-harm-physical-health-49058\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> mental side effects<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of being cheated on can stay with you for a lifetime. Being cheated on stirs up insecurities, low self-esteem, distrust, inability to open up, give you feelings of worthlessness, and makes you question your qualities and physical appearance.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealing with a cheater is emotionally devastating and can change your personality for years to come.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are you questioning how to move on after <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">infidelity<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in your relationship? Here&rsquo;s how to deal with a cheater.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Take-time-for-yourself\"><\/span>1. Take time for yourself<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if you have decided to stay with your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/how-to-heal-a-relationship-after-cheating\/\">cheating partner and work on your relationship<\/a>, it is still essential to take time for yourself.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It will allow you to decompress. It will also allow you to collect your thoughts and grieve the situation. If you have chosen to stay together and deal with the cheater, taking time alone may help you to reconsider:&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">whether you are staying in the relationship because you can become better, stronger partners with one another or&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">if you are simply staying out of sadness or&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">because the relationship has been comfortable<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Gather-your-evidence\"><\/span>2. Gather your evidence<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is your partner cheating in the relationship, but you haven&rsquo;t confronted them yet?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s time you look for ways on how to confront a cheater. Now is your time to collect any evidence you may need during your confrontation. This means taking screen captures of text messages, photos, conversations, and<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/social-media-effects-on-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> social media<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> interactions you may have stumbled across between the guilty parties.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This will allow you to immediately deal with a cheater by <\/span><b>putting a stop to your partner&rsquo;s lies, should they choose to deny any involvement<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with their secret lover.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Get-tested\"><\/span>3. Get tested<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your partner has lied to you about being with one partner, who&rsquo;s to say they haven&rsquo;t been with dozens without your knowledge?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Getting tested for sexually transmitted infections is essential after you&rsquo;ve been cheated on. Go to your doctor and ask to be tested. Free clinics and sexual health centers offer tests for STDs, HIV, and Hepatitis.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>You must protect yourself, even if your partner claims they were &lsquo;safe&rsquo; <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">during their infidelity. Their definition of safe sex may differ highly from yours.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have chosen to deal with the cheater by staying with the partner, that is, cheating wife or husband, ask them to get tested as well so that you can resume your sexual relationship without worry.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4-Confront-your-partner\"><\/span>4. Confront your partner<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Confront your partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> about their infidelity. This will allow them the opportunity to plead their case with you and for you to be perfectly clear about your feelings. Your feelings of betrayal, anger, humiliation, and hurt should be clear.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is also an opportunity to let them know if you plan on ending the relationship. It goes without saying that if you decide to work on your relationship together, your cheating girlfriend or boyfriend must end the affair.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-Don%E2%80%99t-blame-yourself\"><\/span>5. Don&rsquo;t blame yourself<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The reason cheaters decide to take the unfaithful way and indulge in affairs may have very little, if nothing, to do with you. <\/span><b>Cheating in relationships is a selfish act<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in which a person is thinking solely of themselves.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, many still find understanding the &lsquo;why&rsquo; as an essential part of the grieving process.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try your best not to<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/the-blame-game-is-destructive-to-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> blame yourself<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for the act. Often cheating is in response to something going wrong in the relationship. It is encouraged that the partners sit down and have an honest conversation about what needs are missing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your unfaithful partner was depressed, they should have told you upfront. Consequently, they should end the relationship before sleeping with someone new.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6-Don%E2%80%99t-put-a-time-limit-on-pain\"><\/span>6. Don&rsquo;t put a time limit on pain<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pain is pain. A time limit will not diminish the hurt or betrayal you felt after being cheated on. <\/span><b>Grieving is an individual process that takes time.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> New relationships and other distractions will not make it go by any faster.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7-Decide-what-you-want-from-your-relationship\"><\/span>7. Decide what you want from your relationship<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have decided to deal with a cheater, give yourself some time to honestly think about the benefits and detriments of staying in the relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter which direction you are swaying, you need to be completely honest with yourself about your wants and needs in a relationship from this point on. When considering whether to<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/staying-married-after-infidelity\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> stay in a relationship with someone who has cheated on you<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, ask yourself these questions:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-51322\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/Decide-what-you-want-from-your-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"how to deal with a cheating partner\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>Can I truly forgive my unfaithful partner?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you choose to stay in your relationship, can you truly forgive your cheating partner? Your<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/forgiveness-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> relationship will never be successful if you cannot forgive<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the act itself.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After your grieving process, continually bringing up the indiscretion and question, &ldquo;Can a cheater change?&rdquo; will only serve to damage and hurt both parties.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>Can I ever trust my partner again?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once a cheater, always a cheater. So, once trust is lost, it is seemingly difficult to get it back. Your cheating husband or wife will need to work 24\/7 to win your trust again.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They must attempt to quash all the cheaters&rsquo; behavior patterns and be fully transparent with their whereabouts and interactions until you feel comfortable and secure in your relationship once more.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>Will we seek counseling if we stay together?<\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Check for <\/span><\/a><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5709195\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">serial cheaters signs<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Forgiveness is a difficult road<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but it can be done. This road makes it easier for couples by attending couples <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">counseling<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and opening up about what each party loves and lacks in their current relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>How will my family\/children be affected by your decision to stay together\/break up?<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bringing children into a relationship creates a whole new plethora of considerations. How will a break up affect them? How will you strive to maintain parental stability for your children during this<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/coping-as-a-single-mother\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> challenging time<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the question is how to deal with a cheater, there are many characteristics of a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/signs-he-is-cheating\/\">cheating woman or man or cheating signs<\/a> to consider when contemplating staying or leaving.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are unpleasant emotional ramifications for both options. Some choose to stay and try to strengthen their relationships. Others choose to leave and pursue romantic relations with someone who will respect their trust and loyalty.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lucy, in her TEDx talk about couples going through the couples dealing with cheating, unfaithfulness, and betrayal through real examples.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/5TUxH2izTGI\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is your choice what avenue you take on how to deal with a cheater. Make sure your result is best for you and your happiness.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Being cheated on is not an easy thing to handle. Learning how to deal with a cheater can help you regain control of your life and help you decide how you want to proceed.&nbsp; While keying the cheater&rsquo;s car may seem like a cathartic reaction, this is not going to help you move, nor will it make you feel any better in the long run. The adverse emotional and mental side effects of being cheated on can stay with you for a lifetime. Being cheated on stirs up insecurities, low self-esteem, distrust, inability to open up, give you feelings of <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":630,"featured_media":15483,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[23],"tags":[2690],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15482"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/630"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15482"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15482\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":87396,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15482\/revisions\/87396"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15483"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15482"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15482"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15482"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}