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Separation is a stressful time. You’re facing the possible dissolution of your marriage, and everything can start feeling like a battleground.<\/span><\/p>\n For some couples, <\/span>separation<\/span><\/a> is a prelude to <\/span>divorce<\/span><\/a>. For others, it’s a last attempt to <\/span>save their marriage<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n No matter which side of the fence you’re on (or even if you’re not sure yet), our practical advice for separation of couples will help you survive separation and come out of it ready for the next phase in your life.<\/span><\/p>\n Are you separating because you want a divorce eventually? Or do you need time to decide if there’s any <\/span>hope for your marriage<\/span><\/a>? Be honest with yourself about why you really want to separate – and be honest with your partner too.<\/span><\/p>\n Sit down and <\/span>talk honestly<\/span><\/a> with each other. <\/span>Try to listen to and honor each other’s viewpoint<\/span><\/a> instead of descending into a fight. You both need to be clear on why the separation is happening and the expected outcome.<\/span><\/p>\n Separation is painful. A lot of <\/span>emotions<\/span><\/a> will come up for both of you, and you might find yourself feeling bitter, angry, or hopeless. You both need time to process whatever feelings come up and work through them in your own way.<\/span><\/p>\n It can be tempting to rush a separation or put a timescale on it, but that can often backfire and leave you or your partner feeling pushed to make a decision. Give yourself and your partner as much time as each of you needs.<\/span><\/p>\n Before instigating your separation, put agreements in place for everything, including:<\/span><\/p>\n It is best if you consult a lawyer when you make these agreements.<\/span><\/p>\n It’s also a good idea to talk to each other about the rules regarding dating. You might not like the idea of asking your partner’s feelings about it, but unless you are completely sure you’re heading for a divorce, <\/span>dating during a separation<\/span><\/a> could cause a permanent rift.<\/span><\/p>\n Facing separation is scary. Make it easier on yourself by <\/span>having a plan in place for everything<\/span><\/a> you can think of. Make sure you know where you will live, how you will manage work, how you will pay for everything, and how you’ll handle your kids’ daily needs and appointments.<\/span><\/p>\n Drawing up a plan will make separation less daunting and ensure you don’t get caught short with a bill or overwhelmed with responsibilities.<\/span><\/p>\n Tensions run high during a separation, and it’s easy to slip into fighting and sniping at each other – but try not to give in to the temptation. Whether you eventually reconcile or proceed to divorce, more tension and aggravation is bad for everyone involved.<\/span><\/p>\n Try to be as kind as you can and remember, your partner’s barbs come from being hurt and frightened too. If things get too tense, know when to remove yourself from a heated discussion, and remember to give yourself time to calm down before responding.<\/span><\/p>\n If your partner is chronically late now, separating isn’t going to make them change. If their lack of interest in your kids’ daily life is one of the reasons you want the separation, going ahead with it won’t push them to change their behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n Focus on how you can best handle your partner as they are right now. Be kind and compassionate but don’t accept <\/span>toxic behavior<\/span><\/a>. Draw your own boundaries so you can have healthy interactions.<\/span><\/p>\n If you’re considering reconciliation<\/span><\/a>, be honest with yourself about your partner’s quirks and habits and what you can live with – trying to change them won’t make either of you happy.<\/span><\/p>\n Kids know what’s going on, even if they don’t understand the specifics. Be honest with them about what’s happening. Remember that what your kids need right now is to know that both parents <\/span>love<\/span><\/a> them and will always be there for them, so make sure you <\/span>communicate that to them<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n There’s a difference between keeping your kids informed and dragging them into your drama. Don’t badmouth their other parent or rely on them for emotional support<\/a>. They need you to be there for them, not the other way around.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>Be clear on what you want<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Give each other time<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Make agreements for everything<\/span><\/h2>\n
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Have a plan in place<\/span><\/h2>\n<\/span>Be as kind as you can<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Don’t try to change them<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Be honest with your kids<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Look after yourself<\/span><\/h2>\n