{"id":15011,"date":"2017-04-27T09:57:15","date_gmt":"2017-04-27T09:57:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=15011"},"modified":"2024-07-02T08:36:05","modified_gmt":"2024-07-02T08:36:05","slug":"anxiety-after-an-affair","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/anxiety-after-an-affair\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Combat the 5 Glaring Effects of Anxiety After Infidelity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50809 size-full\" title=\"How anxiety after infidelity affects you\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/How-anxiety-after-infidelity-affects-you.jpg\" alt=\"How anxiety after infidelity affects you\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anxiety after infidelity is a painful kick in the guts of an already excruciating experience. Whether<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> you were the one having an affair or the one being cheated on, infidelity can bring out the worst in everyone. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And unfortunately, anxiety and going through a betrayal go hand in hand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether it was an emotional affair or a physical one, living through this experience on either side of the coin is emotionally draining. Not to mention heartbreaking, exhausting, and a host of other unpleasant adjectives! <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may think you are over the indiscretion, but the truth is experiencing anxiety after infidelity is very common and may last a while. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Read on to know&nbsp;about how to get over being cheated on, and stay together. More importantly, get to know- how to get over infidelity pain.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-anxiety-and-how-does-it-affect-your-brain\"><\/span><strong>What is anxiety, and how does it affect your brain?<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/rFqs2t9RMqM?si=RmYEBZegsKiAJKrt\" title=\"YouTube video player\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&rsquo;re a strong person. You may reason; you usually feel like you can get through anything. You can conquer <\/span>anxiety after infidelity&nbsp;<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">just as soon as you wrap your mind around what happened and where the anxious feelings are coming from.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Getting over being cheated on in marriage can cause&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/chronic-pain-and-marriage-common-problems-and-realistic-solutions\/\">chronic stress<\/a>, which triggers the hormone called cortisol<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;Cortisol creates <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/mood-disorders\/symptoms-causes\/syc-20365057\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">mood disorders<\/a> in your brain and can often lead to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/how-to-survive-depression-after-infidelity\/\">depression and anxiety<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Chronic stress and anxiety take a toll on your physical and mental well-being. Anxiety can leave you open to sickness and disease and causes your body to become physically exhausted. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a little amount of anxiety after infidelity is normal, but not addressing such feelings and giving in to the pain of infidelity can cause them to escalate, often leading to more long-term consequences.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Side-effects-of-anxiety-after-an-affair\"><\/span><strong>Side effects of anxiety after an affair<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anxiety from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/6-signs-that-your-partner-may-be-cheating-on-you\/\">cheating on your partner<\/a> is also not uncommon.&nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can cause:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">dizziness<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">headache<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/panic-attacks\/symptoms-causes\/syc-20376021\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">panic attacks<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">fear<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">trouble breathing<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">trouble sleeping<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/heart-palpitations\/symptoms-causes\/syc-20373196\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">heart palpitations<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/what-is-relationship-anxiety-and-how-can-you-deal-with-it\/\">Relationship anxiety<\/a>&nbsp;can occur for the following reasons:<\/p>\n<ul class=\"p-ul-list\"><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You or your partner has broken the bond of trust through an affair<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Constant fighting over issues, both mundane and severe<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stress over work or family situations<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Mounting sickness and health concerns<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Negativity and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/is-he-really-controlling-heres-how-to-know\/\">controlling behavior<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><strong>The following are some of the detrimental effects you may experience because of anxiety after infidelity:<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"-1-Clinginess\"><\/span>&nbsp;1. Clinginess<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you begin to feel anxious about the fate of your relationship, your natural reaction is to cling to what you believe you&rsquo;re losing. In this case, that would be your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>So, how does being cheated on change you?<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have chosen to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/staying-married-after-infidelity\/\">stay with your partner after infidelity<\/a> has occurred, you may feel overly attached to them for fear that they will hurt you again. <strong>This sort of attachment arising from&nbsp;<\/strong><\/span><strong>anxiety after infidelity&nbsp;leads to a dependent relationship that makes you feel less in control. <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Clinging is also closely associated with losing your independence, jealousy, and insecurities. Long-term<\/span>&nbsp;infidelity affects the partner to a great extent that they may start doubting their actions.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the other hand, a partner&rsquo;s guilt after cheating may also drive them into engaging in clingy behavior they may regret later.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Punishment\"><\/span>2. Punishment<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50817 size-full\" title=\"Punishment\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/Punishment.jpg\" alt=\"Punishment\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your anxiety response to dealing with an affair may involve two different forms of punishment. First, you may want to punish your partner for hurting you and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/the-damage-of-betrayal-in-marital-relationships\/\">betraying your trust<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This can manifest itself by using hateful speech, sabotaging their social or professional life, or cheating on them out of spite.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In addition to this, you may want to punish yourself for letting this happen, for not seeing the signs of an affair earlier, or for having an affair. This way, the&nbsp;<\/span>anxiety after infidelity&nbsp;<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">can manifest itself in self-destructive behavior such as substance abuse, over-eating, and self-sabotage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Withholding-love-sex-and-your-relationship\"><\/span>3. Withholding love, sex, and your relationship<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a partner is unfaithful, it can make you feel like you have lost all control of your life. One way you may feel you can take power back is by withholding from your partner. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This may mean you are withholding love, trust, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/\">sexual intimacies<\/a>, and information about your life, or you may be withholding the possibility of mending your relationship as a form of punishment. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Regardless of the way you carry this out, you may feel that by withholding from your partner, you will protect yourself from feelings of being hurt<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. The&nbsp;<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/dealing-with-the-fear-of-being-cheated-on-again\/\">fear of being cheated<\/a> on again is there, and you may start suffocating yourself.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4-Emotional-emptiness-and-a-withdrawn-attitude\"><\/span>4. Emotional emptiness and a withdrawn attitude<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Feeling blindsided by the person you love the most can have an extreme <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/psychological-effects-of-a-cheating-spouse\/\">psychological effect<\/a> on your emotional state. This can lead to emotional hollowness or numbness. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some find the anxiety, emotional emptiness, and shock from infidelity so extreme that some psychologists are even using counseling techniques for patients who have PTSD (or&nbsp;<\/span>post-infidelity stress disorder) <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">on couples who are facing attacks of&nbsp;anxiety after infidelity in their relationships.&nbsp; <\/span><\/p>\n<p>You may wonder,&nbsp;does the guilt of cheating ever go away?<\/p>\n<p>And, if it does,&nbsp;how to get over infidelity and stay together? How&nbsp;to move on from being cheated on?<\/p>\n<p>Trying to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/6-ways-to-successfully-fix-save-a-broken-marriage\/\">save your&nbsp;marriage<\/a> after an affair if the partner also wishes to do the same is the right thing to do, however difficult it may seem.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Have an open discussion about it, and if it reaches an impasse at any level, consult a marriage counselor together<\/strong>. But if you want to know&nbsp;how to stop being insecure after being cheated on, then the answer is simple.<\/p>\n<p>No matter what you are told, have confidence in yourself. Your partner chose to cheat instead of working out the problems in the relationship. It is not your fault. Marriage anxiety after infidelity is normal, but don&rsquo;t let it get to you.<\/p>\n<p>Watch this inspiring video on rethinking infidelity.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/P2AUat93a8Q\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-A-controlling-attitude\"><\/span>5. A controlling attitude<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When people feel insecure, they can try and dominate their partners. If you are staying with your partner after an affair, it may be your natural inclination to be controlling. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is another part of anxiety after infidelity. You may demand your partner give you free access to their phone and other devices. You<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> will want to know where they are at all times and may be prone to post-cheating anxiety attacks if your needs are not met.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having full control of your relationship may feel liberating at first, but it becomes emotionally exhausting and only helps to breed constant suspicion.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The psychological effects of a cheating spouse can be devastating, and indulging in such activities can only lead to more feelings of anxiety after infidelity has taken place.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"When-to-walk-away-after-infidelity\"><\/span>When to walk away after infidelity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50828 size-full\" title=\"When to walk away after infidelity\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/When-to-walk-away-after-infidelity.jpg\" alt=\"When to walk away after infidelity\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Chronic criticism, psychological threats, the constant use of guilt as a weapon, requiring consistent disclosure, and undercutting your partner&rsquo;s social life may feel justified given the circumstances. And perhaps they are at that moment. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But eventually, you have to get back to a place where <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/healing-relationships-after-breaking-up-and-making-up\/\">you can heal your relationship<\/a> without the constant opinion that your partner is guilty until proven innocent. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you cannot do this, you should no longer be in a romantic relationship with this person because there is no point in losing your mind over the&nbsp;<\/span>anxiety after infidelity by a partner. And absolutely no point in&nbsp;<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">maintaining a relationship that is not headed toward healing and intimacy once again. <\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-get-over-anxiety-after-an-affair\"><\/span>How to get over anxiety after an affair<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to heal after being cheated on?<br><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, it&rsquo;s not a step that you take in one day. Choosing to forgive someone, whether you stay with them or not, is a choice you make every single day. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Counseling is highly recommended for couples who stay together after an affair. If you are no longer with the cheating partner, seek private therapy to work through the insecurities and anxiety you have been left with.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">According to marriage &amp; family therapist&nbsp;<\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jelisha-gatling\" target=\"_blank\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Jelisha Gatling<\/span><\/a><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Identifying the &ldquo;why&rdquo; behind the infidelity can be helpful in taming anxiety. With the guidance of a couples therapist who has experience with betrayal trauma, you shift your focus from controlling behaviors to understanding why this happened in the first place.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Then, you can collaborate on ways to protect your relationship from infidelity in the future.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may wonder, &ldquo;H<\/span>ow long does it take to get over infidelity?&rdquo; but the answer depends on how easily you allow yourself to heal and how much your partner cooperates with that. This has a significant impact on the infidelity recovery stages of a couple.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While anxiety after an affair is normal, that does not mean that it feels good or helps you get over the pain you&rsquo;ve experienced. Seeking counseling, especially if you&rsquo;ve chosen to remain with your partner, is an excellent option for the treatment of chronic anxiety after infidelity.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Other ways to combat anxiety caused by an affair are<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;to take up a new hobby, exercise, surround yourself with positive people, and continue looking forward and making new plans for your future as one of the steps in overcoming infidelity by a partner. This will help you to look forward with a positive goal in mind.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">C<\/span>an a relationship go back to normal after cheating? Well, that depends on several factors. How damaged was the relationship to begin with? How much work is the couple putting into getting the relationship back on track?<\/p>\n<p>For some, the anxiety after infidelity never goes away, while other couples try to make it work, one day at a time.<\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Anxiety after infidelity is a painful kick in the guts of an already excruciating experience. Whether you were the one having an affair or the one being cheated on, infidelity can bring out the worst in everyone. And unfortunately, anxiety and going through a betrayal go hand in hand. Whether it was an emotional affair or a physical one, living through this experience on either side of the coin is emotionally draining. Not to mention heartbreaking, exhausting, and a host of other unpleasant adjectives! You may think you are over the indiscretion, but the truth is experiencing anxiety after infidelity <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":15013,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[23],"tags":[2688],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15011"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15011"}],"version-history":[{"count":23,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15011\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":102671,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15011\/revisions\/102671"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15013"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15011"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15011"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}