{"id":14414,"date":"2017-03-27T10:00:13","date_gmt":"2017-03-27T10:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=14414"},"modified":"2026-03-16T07:42:50","modified_gmt":"2026-03-16T07:42:50","slug":"8-things-to-know-before-separating-from-your-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/8-things-to-know-before-separating-from-your-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Things You Must Know Before Separating From Your Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-45282\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Things-to-know-before-separating-from-your-husband.jpg\" alt=\"Things to know before separating from your husband\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;I want to separate from my husband.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have thought this aloud many times now but the decision of separating from your husband is not just yours to make. You have to think hard about the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The question is not just how to separate from a husband or how to separate from a spouse but what steps to take to ensure that the process is less painful for both of you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Deciding to separate from your husband is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you&rsquo;re married, your lives become intertwined, and the thought of leaving that can be terrifying. If you still <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">love<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> your husband, separating can feel heartbreaking.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-separation-in-marriage\"><\/span>What is separation in marriage?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/d8TFdTyNvkc?si=Tdp2NW3K5lmaeXVF\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/nchs\/fastats\/marriage-divorce.htm\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marital separation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is a state where the partners choose to live apart with or without a court order.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Couples choose to separate from their spouse when things are simply not working out.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>When is it time to separate in a marriage?<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some people seek separation as a definite break in their <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> when they need some time apart to think clearly about the issues affecting them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes, even during this break, if a wife separated from her husband, thinks that there is no way to continue living with him, she may file for a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">divorce<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But not every separation in marriage is a prelude to a divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For some couples, separation is a chance to work things out while getting some much-needed space.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An important marriage <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">separation advice<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Whatever the outcome, separating from your spouse is not a decision to take lightly.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are thinking about separating from your husband and are wondering how to prepare for separation or what to do when separating from your husband, here are 10 things you need to know:<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Ground-rules-are-important\"><\/span>1. Ground rules are important<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Life Coach <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jaclyn-hunt\">Jaclyn Hunt<\/a> says<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-sheets-root=\"1\" data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"\\\"When two people get married they join their lives together. It is a process. Separation is also a process that must be dealt with gently.\\\"\"}' data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":4480,\"10\":2,\"11\":3,\"15\":\"Arial\"}'>When two people get married they join their lives together. It is a process. Separation is also a process that must be dealt with gently.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to separate from your husband?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&rsquo;ve spent some good times and not-so-good times together. So separating from a spouse isn&rsquo;t something that just happens overnight.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bear in mind that preparing for separation needs to be done properly to avoid any lingering discord that may affect your lives later.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, ground rules are probably the last thing on your mind if you&rsquo;re preparing to cast out on your own.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But having some ground rules in place while getting separated can make the difference between whether you get what you need out of the separation or not.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&rsquo;ll need to have some hard conversations while separating from your husband. Decide together who will live where, and whether or not you will have contact during the separation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As part of the steps to separate from husband or wife, agree on how to handle tough issues like <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">child care<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and visitation arrangements, and whether dating is allowed.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Be-gentle-while-retaining-good-boundaries\"><\/span>2. Be gentle while retaining good boundaries<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/thinking-of-separating-from-husband-questions-to-ask-yourself\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to tell your husband you want a separation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Separation of a husband and wife<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is rough on both partners. If you are hoping for reconciliation after separating from your husband or even if you aren&rsquo;t but you have children to think of, it&rsquo;s important to be gentle where you can. That&rsquo;s one of the things to consider before separating.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The more anger and animosity you bring, the less likely you are to get what you need. Just state clearly that you can no longer be together and do not start picking on the old discussions.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can be gentle while retaining good boundaries &ndash; if your spouse is being cruel or unreasonable, step away if you can.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Relief-is-a-normal-reaction\"><\/span>3. Relief is a normal reaction<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your marriage has become fraught enough for a separation from your husband, a sense of relief when the separation actually takes place is only natural.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After all, you&rsquo;ve been in an emotional war zone &ndash; leaving it feels like breathing a sigh of relief.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don&rsquo;t mistake relief for a sign that you should separate permanently.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It doesn&rsquo;t mean being with your partner is the wrong choice, but it does mean that the current situation isn&rsquo;t tenable and something has to change.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4-There-are-a-lot-of-practical-considerations\"><\/span>4. There are a lot of practical considerations<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-45286 size-full\" title=\"There are a lot of practical considerations\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/There-are-a-lot-of-practical-considerations.jpg\" alt=\"There are a lot of practical considerations\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Thinking of separating from your husband? There are a lot of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/thinking-of-separating-from-husband-questions-to-ask-yourself\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">things to think about before you actually separate<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>Where will you live?<\/b><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>How to be separated from your husband?&nbsp;<\/b><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>How will you support yourself?<\/b><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>Will separating from your husband affect your ability to work?<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The answer to the question, how to get separated from your husband is this.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Get up to speed on marital finances.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sort out your financial and living situation as early as you can so you don&rsquo;t have the added stress of dealing with them once the separation is underway.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don&rsquo;t forget to pay attention to the little things, like who pays the internet bill or whose name the water bill is in.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Get everything squared away and be sure you have your own personal bank account as soon as you can. Remember, the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5992251\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">consequences of separation or divorce<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are different for both genders.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-Alone-time-can-be-both-good-and-bad\"><\/span>5. Alone time can be both good and bad<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alone time is vital for recharging your batteries and figuring out who you are outside of your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Factor in regular alone time, whether that&rsquo;s a quiet evening alone or even a weekend break after separating from your husband.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, you can have too much of a good thing.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Too much alone time can leave you feeling <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/how-to-survive-depression-after-infidelity\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">isolated and depressed<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make sure you get out and about and see friends and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/family\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">family<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, or join in with events at your workplace or in your local community.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6-You%E2%80%99ll-be-glad-for-your-support-network\"><\/span>6. You&rsquo;ll be glad for your support network<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-45287 size-full\" title=\"You&rsquo;ll be glad of your support network\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/You%E2%80%99ll-be-glad-of-your-support-network.jpg\" alt=\"You&rsquo;ll be glad of your support network\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your support network is a lifeline during the process of separating from your husband.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having good friends and family to lean on will make it so much easier to handle.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Confide in those you know you can trust and don&rsquo;t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Choose your support network carefully. Steer clear of those who just want to gossip, or tell you what to do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might consider getting a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">professional therapist<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> too. They can listen and help you work through the deeper issues.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7-Separation-doesn%E2%80%99t-have-to-be-the-end\"><\/span>7. Separation doesn&rsquo;t have to be the end<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some marriages do progress from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/\">separation to divorce<\/a> and there&rsquo;s no shame in that.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Hunt further says<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-sheets-root=\"1\" data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"\\\"When you are on good terms with your spouse, it is important to communicate clearly and effectively. Often many couples who work towards divorce get closer than ever during the process because they suddenly learn how to communicate with each other and understand what you need.\\\"\"}' data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":4480,\"10\":2,\"11\":3,\"15\":\"Arial\"}'>When you are on good terms with your spouse, it is important to communicate clearly and effectively. Often many couples who work towards divorce get closer than ever during the process because they suddenly learn how to communicate with each other and understand what you need.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not every marriage is suited to the long haul. There are some marriages, however, that manage to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/can-a-temporary-separation-make-a-relationship-stronger\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">recover from separation and become stronger than ever<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Time apart can be just what you both need to figure out what you truly want from your marriage, and from life.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From there, if you&rsquo;re both committed, you can map out a way forward together.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"8-Don%E2%80%99t-overshare-on-social-media\"><\/span>8. Don&rsquo;t overshare on social media<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-45288 size-full\" title=\"Don&rsquo;t overshare on social media\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/03\/Don%E2%80%99t-overshare-on-social-media.jpg\" alt=\"Don&rsquo;t overshare on social media\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As tempting (or liberating) as it can get to pour your heart out to the world, separation is a time for absolute discretion on Facebook, Twitter, etc.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Keep your separation off social media &ndash; this is between you and your partner, not the world.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Preparing to separate from your husband? It is best to avoid displaying your relationship status on social media platforms if you are contemplating separating from your husband.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"9-Don%E2%80%99t-slip-into-a-separation-limbo\"><\/span>9. Don&rsquo;t slip into a separation limbo<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p>Hunt adds<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-sheets-root=\"1\" data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"\\\"Separation is common but still painful and difficult. If you have decided that separation is right for you, take your time in making each decision as long as you are safe and secure.\\\"\"}' data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":4480,\"10\":2,\"11\":3,\"15\":\"Arial\"}'>Separation is common but still painful and difficult. If you have decided that separation is right for you, take your time in making each decision as long as you are safe and secure.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have decided to call it quits, legalize your separation with marriage termination.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you get divorced, you can finally move on with your life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if you haven&rsquo;t really been married for quite some time, don&rsquo;t get comfortable with just the separation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Making it legal marks an important turning point in your life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also important for the whole family to recover and get on with the rest of their life and not fantasize about a possible reconciliation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Also watch:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/9l9SMeaBlfk\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"10-All-emotions-are-allowed\"><\/span>10. All emotions are allowed<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&rsquo;re going to feel a range of emotions during your <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">marriage separation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and that&rsquo;s absolutely natural.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may feel like questioning yourself &ndash; Should I separate from my husband?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, you are separating from your husband, then what&rsquo;s next for you?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don&rsquo;t be surprised if you find yourself cycling from relief to anger to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/jealousy-the-causes-and-the-concerns-in-a-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">fear to sadness to jealousy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, sometimes on the same day.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take time with your feelings when you are separating from your husband, and just let them be.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Write them down &ndash; this will help you process. Deal with anger constructively, such as through playing a sport or beating a pillow.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let yourself be sad sometimes, and appreciate the happy times.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be gentle and take your time &ndash; your feelings need to be felt and honored.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Bottom-line\"><\/span><strong>Bottom line<\/strong><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><i>Separation takes emotional energy and resilience.<\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Use these tips to smooth your path and remember to take care of yourself and give yourself all the time you need to heal and make the best decision for you.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&ldquo;I want to separate from my husband.&rdquo; You have thought this aloud many times now but the decision of separating from your husband is not just yours to make. You have to think hard about the future. The question is not just how to separate from a husband or how to separate from a spouse but what steps to take to ensure that the process is less painful for both of you. Deciding to separate from your husband is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make. When you&rsquo;re married, your lives become intertwined, and the thought of leaving <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":630,"featured_media":14416,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[36],"tags":[2703],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14414"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/630"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14414"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14414\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":118140,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14414\/revisions\/118140"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14416"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14414"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14414"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14414"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}