{"id":12884,"date":"2017-01-24T07:11:30","date_gmt":"2017-01-24T07:11:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=12884"},"modified":"2022-09-18T11:52:31","modified_gmt":"2022-09-18T11:52:31","slug":"leaving-an-abusive-husband","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/leaving-an-abusive-husband\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaving an Abusive Husband"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-12885 size-full\" title=\"Leaving an Abusive Husband\" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/110-3.jpg\" alt=\"Leaving an Abusive Husband\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marilyn knew there was trouble when she walked through the kitchen door. The TV was blaring, the liquor cabinet was wide open, and the unmistakable smell of Marlboro Red Cigarettes filled the space. Ralph was drunk again. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unfortunately, Ralph&rsquo;s &ldquo;telltale&rdquo; drunk behavior would be extreme on this night. Marilyn had been on the receiving end of Ralph&rsquo;s aggression many times before, but tonight she would brush against death itself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marilyn tried to sneak past Ralph, hoping she wouldn&rsquo;t rouse him from his stupor. &ldquo;If I can just make it my study,&rdquo; she told herself as she slinked through the living room. She was unsuccessful. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When Ralph heard the footsteps, he rose and immediately berated his wife. Angry that his dinner was not prepared, Ralph grabbed a lamp and threw it in Marilyn&rsquo;s direction. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">W<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">hen the ceramic base of the lamp collided with Marilyn&rsquo;s face, the resulting explosion cut her deeply. Blood pouring down her face, Marilyn ran through the front door, hoping to flag down a passing car. Ralph would have none of it. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Summoning unimaginable strength, Ralph pulled his wife down the sidewalk toward the open door of the house. As she whimpered, Marilyn told herself, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m not going to make it.&rdquo; <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That&rsquo;s when Ralph tripped on the step leading up to the &ldquo;landing&rdquo; of the house. Striking the back of his head as he fell to the grown, Ralph was rendered unconscious. Help would arrive for Marilyn. Barely.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Also watch:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/M9d-yFxcbNw\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Domestic-violence-remains-a-prominent-problem-in-our-culture\"><\/span>Domestic violence remains a prominent problem in our culture<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> While <a href=\"https:\/\/ncadv.org\/statistics\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">the statistics tell us<\/a> that men are just as likely to be victims of domestic violence as women, we must recognize that <strong>men can inflict far more physical damage than many females. <\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">M<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"mentally abusive relationship\"}'>entally abusive relationships and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/\">d<\/a><\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/\">omestic violence<\/a> are always about power. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Using shaming, gaslighting, physical aggression, and the like, perpetrators strip their victims of power and hope. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Often, victims of domestic violence do not realize that they are in an&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/are-you-in-an-abusive-relationship\">abusive relationship<\/a> until long after the perpetrator has altered reality for the victim and inflicted substantial pain.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this piece, we are not trying to dissect the root <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/causes-of-domestic-violence\/\">causes of domestic violence<\/a> in hopes that we can &ldquo;nip it&rdquo; before it begins. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Contrarily, we are assuming domestic violence is already a factor in a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the victim knows they are with a&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"mentally abusive husband\"}'>mentally abusive husband and want to know&nbsp;how to get out of an abusive relationship<\/span>, then these steps can be taken to mitigate future hardship and loss. <\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Seek-helpers\"><\/span>Seek helpers<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are in a relationship with an abusive man, <strong>do not try to go through the rough times alone<\/strong>. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When dealing with the implications of abuse, it is vitally important for victims to surround themselves with a cocoon of emotional and material support. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reach out to a trusted family member, friend, try&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"domestic abuse counseling\"}'>domestic abuse counseling,&nbsp;domestic abuse therapy,<\/span> or get <span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"domestic abuse help\"}'>domestic abuse help by calling a&nbsp;domestic abuse hotline. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"domestic abuse help\"}'>E<\/span>xplain exactly what is happening in your life. Let this helper (or helpers) know that you may need to reach out to them if your situation becomes dangerous. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have the helpers create a detailed log of the information you provide to them. If the helper sees abuse or suspicious behavior, have them record this information as well. This information would be very helpful in&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"getting out of an abusive relationship\"}'>getting out of an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/books\/NBK499891\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">abusive relationship<\/a>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-12886 size-full\" title=\"Seek Helpers\" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/107-4.jpg\" alt=\"Seek Helpers\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Create-an-escape-plan\"><\/span>Create an escape plan<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your partner is unwilling to acknowledge and seek help for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/are-you-tolerating-your-spouses-hurtful-behavior\/\">his abusive behavior<\/a>, you must leave the relationship. The situation will not improve strictly on the authority of your goodwill and strength of character. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So <span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"how to leave an abusive relationship\"}'>how to leave an abusive relationship?&nbsp;<\/span>Inasmuch, <strong>you need to create an escape plan now<\/strong>. Stowe extra money for the moment of escape, have your prescriptions and important documents in a secure location beyond your home. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Know &ndash; in advance &ndash; who you will call and where you will stay when you must evacuate your home. If you have children, your plan must include them too. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do not leave your children behind under any circumstances. Arm yourself if you must.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Notify-the-authorities-about-the-situation\"><\/span>Notify the authorities about the situation<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If evacuation from your home is imminent, go ahead and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.justice.gov\/usao-wdtn\/victim-witness-program\/federal-domestic-violence-laws\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">let the police know<\/a> about your trouble and your plan for <span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"leaving the abusive relationship\"}'>leaving the abusive relationship<\/span>. You can also call a&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"relationship abuse hotlines\"}'>relationship abuse hotline and seek help from them.&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you <strong>have evidence that substantiates your claim of physical abuse<\/strong>, have the evidence ready to turn over to police. When you are clear from the house, call the police and let them know you are a victim of domestic violence. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The police will help you file the appropriate documents with the courts so that you can have an &ldquo;order of protection&rdquo; established on your behalf.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Do-not-return\"><\/span>Do not return<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"leaving an emotionally abusive relationship\"}'>leaving an&nbsp;<\/span><\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/effects-on-victims\/\">emotional<\/a><span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"leaving an emotionally abusive relationship\"}'><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/effects-on-victims\/\">ly abusive relationship<\/a> or&nbsp;leaving an abusive husband, <strong>you must<\/strong><\/span><strong> not return home<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a typical cycle of abuse, the perpetrator will attempt to manipulate you so that you will return to the home\/relationship. Do not buy it! <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The honeymoon phase of an abusive relationship always cycles back to the same old pattern of abuse. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/how-i-left-an-abusive-relationship\/\">Leave an abusive partner<\/a>, and do not blink an eye. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here&rsquo;s the reality of domestic violence; without psychological intervention, it will escalate. Why put yourself through more?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Final thoughts<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No one enters a relationship with the assumption that the relationship will end badly. Unfortunately, there are few happy endings when domestic violence takes hold of a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>You cannot fix your partner!<\/strong> You cannot curb the violence on your own. Therefore, surround yourself with support, and prepare a plan&nbsp;for&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"leaving an emotional abuser\"}'>leaving an emotional abuser<\/span> and move towards a more stable, vibrant life. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you feel like you cannot escape the cycle of abuse, seek as much&nbsp;<span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"help for abused women\"}'>help for abused women<\/span> as you can muster. You will soon discover that those who know you best already know that you are dealing with a hellish relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Trust your instincts<\/strong>, muster your strength, and prepare to regain control of your life, and soon you would find yourself <span data-sheets-userformat='{\"2\":15105,\"3\":{\"1\":0},\"11\":0,\"12\":0,\"14\":[null,2,0],\"15\":\"Calibri\",\"16\":11}' data-sheets-value='{\"1\":2,\"2\":\"getting over an abusive relationship\"}'>getting over an abusive relationship<\/span>. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Marilyn knew there was trouble when she walked through the kitchen door. The TV was blaring, the liquor cabinet was wide open, and the unmistakable smell of Marlboro Red Cigarettes filled the space. Ralph was drunk again. Unfortunately, Ralph&rsquo;s &ldquo;telltale&rdquo; drunk behavior would be extreme on this night. Marilyn had been on the receiving end of Ralph&rsquo;s aggression many times before, but tonight she would brush against death itself. Marilyn tried to sneak past Ralph, hoping she wouldn&rsquo;t rouse him from his stupor. &ldquo;If I can just make it my study,&rdquo; she told herself as she slinked through the living <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1419,"featured_media":12885,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[85],"tags":[2710],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12884"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12884"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12884\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":55273,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12884\/revisions\/55273"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12885"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}