{"id":12871,"date":"2017-01-24T06:49:35","date_gmt":"2017-01-24T06:49:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=12871"},"modified":"2023-04-26T08:11:36","modified_gmt":"2023-04-26T08:11:36","slug":"how-to-parent-when-you-and-your-partner-have-different-styles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/how-to-parent-when-you-and-your-partner-have-different-styles\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Cope With Different Parenting Styles"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"How<\/p>\n

Are you throwing up your hands in despair because it seems like you and your partner are constantly fighting about conflicting parenting styles?<\/p>\n

If it’s not about what to feed them, then it’s about their sleeping routines and, of course, how to discipline them. Who would have thought that parenting as a team<\/span> would suddenly become so important and frustrating? <\/span><\/p>\n

Before your babies arrived, your parenting differences didn’t matter<\/span> much, and you somehow thought you would both take parenthood in your strides, crossing the bridges when you came to them and carrying onwards and upwards as before. <\/span><\/p>\n

Well, as the saying goes: “Welcome to parenthood!”<\/span><\/p>\n

For most of us, the only firsthand experience we really have of different styles of parenting<\/span> comes from the way our own parents treated us. <\/span><\/p>\n

Instinctively we may slip into the same parenting styles and methods of our forebears<\/strong> – or we may have a knee-jerk reaction in the opposite direction. <\/span><\/p>\n

And then, of course, there are our own quirks and personality traits which come into play – times two, for both of you! So no wonder why parenting disagreements become more apparent.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Choosing a particular parenting style would have a significant impact on your child development<\/a>.<\/p>\n

So, if you and your partner are struggling to come to terms with your different parenting styles, you may find these seven pointers and tips helpful.<\/span><\/p>\n

You should also read through some of the current research<\/a> on parenting styles to get a better grasp of this concept.<\/p>\n

<\/span>1. Know that it’s normal<\/span><\/h2>\n

Sometimes when you are in the thick of things pacing the floor at 3 am with a crying baby over your shoulder it can easily feel like yours is the most difficult marriage ever<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Thoughts like “what is wrong with us, why can’t we just get along and be normal” may come flooding into your heart and mind. <\/span><\/p>\n

The good news is that different parenting styles causing problems is a very normal part of even the healthiest marriages<\/strong> because it is impossible to blend two completely different individuals into one marriage without at least a few sparks here and there. <\/span><\/p>\n

The issue is not whether there are differences, but rather how you work through them and how to parent together.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

At this point, it needs to be noted that if there is any form of abuse (physical, verbal, emotional, spiritual, or financial) or addictions in your marriage, then that is not normal. <\/span><\/p>\n

You need to find help as soon as possible from a professional counselor, therapist, or emergency hotline. <\/span><\/p>\n

The rest of this article is addressed to those parents who are both open to change and actively working on their parenting styles and relationship trouble after the baby.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>2. Remember you are on the same team<\/span><\/h2>\n

When parents disagree on how to raise a child<\/span>, you may find yourselves feeling almost as if you are competing with one another. <\/span><\/p>\n

Each of you may be desperately trying to ‘win’ the argument and prove that your parenting style is the best<\/a>. \"Remember<\/span><\/p>\n

This is when you need to step back a bit and remember that you are both on the same team – there is no competition to win.<\/span><\/p>\n

Research<\/a> has indicated that a difference in your parenting styles may attribute to behavioral issues in your kids and even cause them to acquire ADHD symptoms.<\/p>\n

You were both winners when you married each other, and now you need to focus on going forward together hand in hand<\/strong> as you love and teach your little ones what life is all about<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>3. Get to know where you are both coming from<\/span><\/h2>\n

As mentioned already, the kind of upbringing you and your spouse had will have a significant impact on the way you approach your parenting role. <\/span><\/p>\n

So when parenting styles differ, then the best thing to do is to <\/strong><\/span>get to know each other’s backgrounds.<\/strong> Talk about your family history and the beliefs and values that are deeply rooted in your childhood. <\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps then it will be easier to understand some of those puzzling and frustrating perspectives which your spouse holds onto so tightly. <\/span><\/p>\n

Once you understand each other, you may not be so critical and resentful of the other’s parenting style, which differs from yours. <\/span><\/p>\n

As you share your thoughts and feelings, you can help each other to see how things that worked back then might be slightly different now. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>4. Take time to talk it through<\/span><\/h2>\n

One of the easiest mistakes to make is to argue with each other in front of your children. <\/span><\/p>\n

Little ones are very quick to pick up when mom and dad don’t agree.<\/strong> And when there is open conflict, it gives them mixed messages, which can lead to confusion and insecurity. <\/span><\/p>\n

Older children are also very adept at manipulating a situation and playing their parents off against each other. It is much better to take the time to talk things through when the two of you can be alone together. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then when you are with the children, they can see that you are supporting one another and that you are united in your role as parents.<\/span><\/p>\n

Also watch:<\/strong><\/p>\n