{"id":124161,"date":"2026-10-09T07:20:54","date_gmt":"2026-10-09T07:20:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=124161"},"modified":"2026-10-09T07:20:54","modified_gmt":"2026-10-09T07:20:54","slug":"shrekking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship-trends\/shrekking\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Shrekking? The Dating Trend Explained"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"young<\/p>\n

“He’s not really my type.”<\/span><\/i>
<\/span><\/i>“Isn’t that the point? At least he won’t break your heart.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

After a painful breakup, playing it safe can feel like the smart move. Lately, there’s even a name for it, and it’s all over social media.<\/span><\/p>\n

Shrekking is a dating trend where someone purposely dates a person they see as less attractive, hoping that partner will be more loyal, grateful, or less likely to hurt them.<\/b> It’s an understandable impulse, but it rarely delivers the safety it promises.<\/span><\/p>\n

This guide covers where the term comes from, why people try it, what to do if you’ve been “Shrekked,” and healthier ways to protect your heart.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Shrekking Meaning: Where The Trend Comes From<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

The term borrows its name from the 2001 animated film <\/span>Shrek<\/span><\/i>, about a gruff ogre who wins the heart of a princess. The slang spread on TikTok through August 2025 as people copied one creator’s viral video and the media picked it up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Merriam-Webster describes it as<\/span> purposefully dating someone you consider unattractive, or less attractive than you’d normally choose<\/b>, on the theory that they’ll be a kinder and more caring partner. <\/span><\/p>\n

There’s a flip side, too. Being “Shrekked” means getting treated poorly by the very person you chose to date for that reason.<\/span><\/p>\n

The urge usually comes from wanting to feel safe, not from bad intentions. Still, it rests on an assumption worth questioning: that looks can predict how someone will treat you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Looks may matter less once you really know someone<\/span><\/p>\n

Lucy Hunt and colleagues, publishing in<\/span> Psychological Science<\/span><\/a>, studied 167 dating and married couples. The longer partners knew each other before dating, and the more likely they were to have been friends first, the less likely they were to be matched on attractiveness.<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

<\/span>Shrekking Vs. Being Open-Minded In Dating<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Giving someone a chance isn’t the same as dating down. The difference usually comes down to intent.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n\n\n\n\t\n\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t
Point of difference<\/th>What the trend looks like<\/th>What healthy openness looks like<\/th>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n
Motive<\/td>Choosing someone to feel safe or in control<\/td>Choosing someone because you're curious about them<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Attraction<\/td>Ignoring a lack of attraction on purpose<\/td>Letting attraction grow as you get to know them<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Respect<\/td>Seeing them as \"below\" you<\/td>Seeing them as an equal<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Honesty<\/td>Hiding why you chose them<\/td>Being open about what you want<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
Expectations<\/td>Expecting gratitude or loyalty because of their looks<\/td>Expecting the same effort from both of you<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/span><\/p>\n

If you’re dating someone outside your usual “type” because you genuinely like them, that isn’t the trend. That’s being open.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>5 Reasons Why People Try This Dating Trend<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Shrekking in relationships usually starts from a real need, like wanting to feel safe or valued. Here’s what often draws people to it, and what to keep in mind.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. They’ve been badly hurt before<\/b><\/h3>\n

After a painful breakup or betrayal, dating someone you see as less attractive can feel like a safety net. The thinking goes that they’ll be more grateful, more loyal, and less likely to leave. It’s an understandable way to protect a heart that’s still healing.<\/span><\/p>\n