{"id":11885,"date":"2016-12-13T10:54:44","date_gmt":"2016-12-13T10:54:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=11885"},"modified":"2025-07-09T09:20:19","modified_gmt":"2025-07-09T09:20:19","slug":"great-connections-how-to-communicate-respectfully-with-your-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/great-connections-how-to-communicate-respectfully-with-your-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Communicate Respectfully with your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"How<\/p>\n

Ask happy couples what they think is key to keeping their <\/span>relationship<\/span><\/a> bright and joyful, and “good communication skills” will be up high on their list, along with mutual respect, admiration, and of course, awesome sex.<\/span><\/p>\n

Effective communication<\/span><\/a> or communicating respectfully with your spouse is not always innate, however. We aren’t born knowing how to share our thoughts and feelings in a smooth, respectful way with our spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n

Those of us who were lucky enough to see our parents indulge in <\/span>respectful communication in relationships<\/span><\/strong> have a head start on how this works.<\/span><\/p>\n

But for many who did not grow up in households where parents were not communicating respectfully and effectively, it is essential to learn some productive, <\/span>resolution-oriented ways to communicate with our spouse<\/span><\/a>, especially when navigating subjects that are sensitive but essential to relationship building and maintenance.<\/span><\/p>\n

Good communication is built on a foundation of respect.<\/span><\/p>\n

Think about the people you know who are poor communicators or who do not know how to communicate in a marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

They yell, argue their point endlessly, dominate the dialogue, and never let the other person get a word in edgewise. In short, poor communicators don’t practice respectful communication.<\/span><\/p>\n

They broadcast their message with such force that the listener only hears, “I don’t respect you enough to talk to you in a calm, inviting way.”<\/span><\/p>\n

This is counterproductive to building meaningful communication with a spouse. What are some ways you can set up your communication that show you <\/span>value and respect your spouse<\/span><\/a>?<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Hold your conversation in a calm environment<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Use<\/p>\n

Jumping into a hot issue the minute your spouse walks through the front door after a long workday is a surefire way to alienate them and put them on the defensive.<\/span><\/p>\n

One of the vital <\/span>ways to<\/span><\/strong> improve communication in marriage<\/span><\/strong><\/a> and respect your spouse is to plan your essential relationship conversations for a time when you can pay attention and focus on each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

It might be after the children are asleep or on a Saturday afternoon when all of your tasks are finished. Make sure distractions are low, and you can both invest in the dialogue.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Use active listening skills<\/span><\/h2>\n

Another tip for communicating better with your spouse is for both of you to be present in the conversation. You don’t want to be half-listening while mentally reflecting on your to-do list or planning what you want to be saying while your spouse is speaking.<\/span><\/p>\n

Active listening<\/span><\/a> is one of the best ways to communicate with your spouse. It shows your spouse that you are wholly involved at the moment and hearing what they are sharing with you.<\/span><\/p>\n

If your partner is telling you that they feel unsupported because you are working a lot, you might say something like, “It sounds like you are frustrated that you have to shoulder all the household responsibilities yourself.”<\/span><\/p>\n

When your spouse agrees that that is what they are saying, a great, proactive way to follow up your active listening is to ask an open-ended question: “What can I do to help us find a solution to this?”<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Keep things positive and moving forward<\/span><\/h2>\n

Wondering how to communicate effectively with your spouse?<\/span><\/p>\n

Make sure there is no name-calling, insults, or bringing up a list of all the wrongs your spouse has done throughout your relationship. That’s how unhealthy couples fight, and it never leads to a proper resolution.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you find your conversation getting heated, you might want to suggest—in a gentle voice– <\/span>taking a break and revisit the issues<\/b> once things have calmed down.<\/span><\/p>\n

Remind your spouse that the goal of communication is to bring you closer together, not drive you apart.<\/span><\/p>\n

Check out what Fawn Weaver, the bestselling author of Happy Wives Club has to say about an argument free wedding:<\/em><\/p>\n