“Can separation be good for marriage?” is a question that has raised a lot of eyebrows. Many people wonder if there is anyway separation can save a failing relationship. The good news is, that yes, “Separation can really help a couple stay together”.
We often think it is bad when a couple lives apart. We usually see separation as something used mostly by couples that have reached the point whereby break up is inevitable. We see separation as a tactic used after all inventions and tricks have been used to get the marriage back on track. Most of us believe that when we feel our partner is slipping away from us, we should merge and bond more so as to get close to him or her as much as we can, and do more than enough to make the marriage work.
The thought of separating or creating a distance at a time puts a great fear of losing the relationship in the mind of couples but it can be very effective in bringing a couple back together.
Here is why separation can be good for a marriage:
Too much time together paves way for arguments
Separation is good for marriage when you and your spouse find out that spending too much time with each other is the reason for your disagreements, arguments and conflicts. Healthy arguments are needed to make a relationship or marriage work. But, when the arguments get too much and happens constantly, it can result into abuses and insults. Arguments and conflicts then are no longer healthy and active, rather it is unhealthy and passive.
In every marriage, couples sometimes become co-dependent on each other in the sense that they rely on each other for virtually everything. This means that they have lost their identities and they have adopted their partner’s personality instead. This makes each partner feel like he or she can’t stand on his or her own two feet, that is, both partners don’t feel independent anymore.They feel incomplete without each other.
You may think this sounds like how a happy couple should be, but unfortunately, it is not! Partners who don’t have their own personality begin to begrudge their partner, which could create major matters and challenges in the relationship. Time apart can help a couple reclaim their personalities so that when they decide to reunite they both have their own separate and independent mind and spirit to contribute more to the marriage.
Separation can help couples recover from infidelity
Separation is also be good and advisable when one of the partners has cheated on the other. Keeping a distance for a while can help the partners regain their minds and spirits. The partner that cheated feels remorseful and sad for what he or she has done. Separation gives him or her a chance to think and acknowledge his mistakes and correct them. He or she regains his consciousness that he or she has hurt his or her partner and needs to beg for forgiveness. Meanwhile, the partner who was betrayed will be able to collect his or her thoughts and ideas and what to do. Being in the premises of the unfaithful spouse can make the betrayed partner more furious, grieved, upset and more resentful which doesn’t help in repairing a marriage.
Separation rekindles the passion in the marriage
It is said that “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”. Separation adds fuel to a marriage. Separation re-ignites the fire of love in a marriage. You don’t really have to move far away from your spouse to rekindle the same feelings, but it is a good idea to separate sometimes to spark some passion into the marriage. A simple vacation apart or visit to one’s family can help rekindle and re-ignite passion and love to the relationship. You will get to miss each other which help in increasing the love and passion for each other in a relationship.
Not to forget, separation helps in setting boundaries between couples. Having clear boundaries set together is essential to building trust amongst partners. Setting boundaries helps in explaining how much space you’re comfortable with in a relationship either emotionally or physically. Boundaries can be about all sorts of things: how much time you need alone, how comfortable you are telling other people about your relationship and so on. Having an understanding of one another’s boundaries is helpful when it comes to building trust in the relationship. Separating for a while helps in setting these boundaries.
Separation improves communication
Lastly, separation can be a powerful tool that brings out the most effective communication among couples. It is distorting though why separation boosts communication, perhaps due to structured time periods apart, or due to the fading of resentment, or through a new sense of self-reliance by which partners begin to appreciate their spouses and effectively communicate with their spouses again.