Confronting the Losses: How to Deal with Separation
No one knowingly signs a marriage license expecting to deal with a separation months or years after the blissful exchange of “I do.” But marriage separation does happen. And when it happens, partners are often left feeling adrift, defeated, guilty, and ashamed. Dealing with separation hurts. It is excruciatingly painful to deal with the separation anxiety from spouse that accompanies the dissolution of a marriage.
Even if the partners constantly battled over one issue or another, the loss of a relationship – even a negative one – can be quite disabling. If dealing with separation in marriage was not enough, the estranged partners must contend with the overwhelming legal and financial obligations that accompany the dissolution. Read on to find out how to handle a separation of marriage.
How to survive a separation: Take care of yourself
So what are the next steps for partners facing the frayed ending of things? How do you deal with separation anxiety? For many women, separation from husband may feel like the end of the world and the first thing that they do is let go off themselves.
Is there any useful advice on how to deal with separation in a relationship? In a word, absolutely. The first piece of advice we share to those who want to know how to deal with marital separation is simply “take care of yourself.”
If your mind, body, and spirit are in a total space of disarray, then you must take the time to rest, exercise, eat properly, and heal. It is vitally necessary to surround yourself with support too at the time of dealing with separation. A counselor, spiritualists, attorney, and trusted friends should be enlisted to “man your corner” as you push through the difficult days when you are wondering how to deal with separation.
Coping with separation: Think about the next steps
The next component of survival in the aftermath of separation in marriage is to establish a long-term vision for you and your estranged partner. If re-connection is a possibility for you and yours, it may be necessary to place some conditions on the reunification. Perhaps couples counseling can show the way. Separation anxiety in couples is quite common but having an objective view from a therapist or counselor can definitely put things in perspective.
If the separation is doomed to disintegrate into a full bodied divorce, it is time to make the necessary preparations for the divorce. Conversation with an attorney may be important at this juncture. An accountant should be engaged in the conversation too.
Even as you contemplate on the things to be done, you may be wondering what not to do during a separation. Is there something that I am doing wrong while dealing with separation? How do I know? Well, for that you have to remember the “Golden Rule” i.e. treat your partner as you would like to be treated.
If things start getting out of hand while going through a separation and dealing with separation starts affecting other areas in your life a little too much then don’t hesitate to go for expert marriage separation advice from a counselor or therapist.
You may even join marriage separation support groups with or without your partner. You are not alone in this, help is always available if you seek it.
Dealing with separation when kids are involved
With the involvement of kids, dealing with separation can be quite tricky. Managing the transition or managing the parenting responsibilities after separation can take a toll. For this, you must understand that nurturing them emotionally is a never-ending process. The trauma of seeing parents getting separated can have long-term consequences that can even affect them as they reach adulthood. So try to:
- Keep things as positive as possible and maintain a united front for the kids
- Reassure them that it is not their fault
- Do not cut off totally from your partner and use kids to communicate with them
- Let them maintain their connections with other people
How to cope with separation during pregnancy
It can be a lot of pain to handle if the decision to get separated from a spouse is taken during a pregnancy. But for the sake of your health and that of the child, you have to see this as a phase in your life that will pass. Go for separation counseling and look forward to giving your best to the baby.
As painful as it all is, you can and will make your way through all the hardship. Trust your instincts, trust your team and move forward with your life after separation in marriage. Dealing with separation is not easy but it is possible.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. By taking purposeful and a whole-hearted action, Sylvia feels that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one.
