Has the verve and vigor in your relationship dwindled? Do the dynamics with your honey no longer feel like the rhythmic dance you once experienced during your courtship?
If so, don’t despair! You’re not alone!
Many of us have been fed the myth that marriage or commitment provides an eternity of love and warm fuzzies. After all, it’s likely, while falling in love, you experienced something akin to butterflies in your stomach in anticipation of even more joy to come.
You might’ve even believed that the common dictum “a good marriage/relationship requires hard work” would never apply to you.
But in my 25-plus years as a psychologist, specializing in helping couples rekindle romance or enhance their intimacy, I’ve learned that when any significant long-term bond goes unattended, it can become stale just like a forgotten loaf of bread growing mold in a basket.
However, unlike that loaf of bread, which must be thrown out once it hits its tipping point, romantic love can be revived and refreshed by adding in a few new ingredients.
So, how to rekindle love? How to rekindle a relationship?
Don’t throw in the towel. Instead, become a warrior for love! For starters, try out some of the following tips to rekindle romance:
1. Focus on the growth of your relationship.
Change your mindset from “working on your relationship” to “inspiring and nourishing your relationship.”
The attitude we hold towards something will affect the feelings we have about it! So, invite yourself to focus on growth and transformation!
2. Develop a new hobby with your partner.
While many people celebrate anniversaries like their first kiss or wedding day, we often fail to create additional occasions to celebrate.
So, how to reignite the spark in a relationship?
Maybe designate a unique activity you and your honey will do together annually, promoting greater bonding. It could be anything from taking a ceramics class, a lesson in mountain climbing, or visiting a beautiful garden.
The possibilities to rekindle romance are endless! You can carry this activity/celebration forward each year or designate a new “first” every coming year!
3. Write your honey, a love letter.
Remind yourself of those first few months together when all of those pleasurable hormones we’re saturating your mind and body.
Conjure up one of your favorite romantic memories like a time when you might have enjoyed a perfect sunset on the beach or one of those moments when you gazed into one another’s eyes, feeling on top of the world as if time had stood still.
Now, use those memories and get out the old-fashioned pen and paper, preferably high-quality stationery, and express your love to your partner from the bottom of your heart.
Place the letter in someplace where they will find it, and your sweet gesture is sure to melt their heart.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Dr Debra" Mandel, aka "The Love Warrior," is a nationally renowned psychologist, author, and TV/Radio personality with twenty-plus years experience. Combining wit, wisdom and compassion, Dr Debra has helped millions of people overcome their woes and learn to thrive!
(Debra Mandel is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Thousand Oaks)