Take turns in planning a weekly date night. It should not be the same thing or the same old restaurant. You can even plan an experience, rock climbing, walking the beach, race car driving, exploring a new town.
Plan a trip leaving Saturday morning and returning late Sunday evening every 3-4 months. Two-hour drive max, but it allows for Maine, NH, Vermont, Berkshires, Newport, and the Cape. A long uninterrupted date.
Take time before reacting to convey your understanding of your partner. In your own words, restate what they said so they know you understood what they were saying!
Everyone wants love, but comprehending your partner is also very important.
Use conflict resolution strategies when in disagreement. First, determine if the argument is important. If it’s about partly cloudy vs. partly sunny, you are both right, let it go?
Otherwise, try to find a compromise and brainstorm your opinions. If a compromise is not possible, then figure out on a scale of 1-10 how important the issue to each of you.
Remember, the things you are often most troubled by in your partner are often qualities you may also possess but are unaware of them. Try not to fix your partner before you fix yourself.
Remember the three “Cs” when trying to work on your relationship. You can’t cure it, change it, or control it. When you understand this fully, then do what you can within these constraints.
Remember, infatuation lasts 6-18 months; after that, you see not only the wonderful side of your partner but also their absurdness as most qualities are double-sided.
As long as you cherish and love your partner’s wonderful side more than the negative, your relationship with thrive.
Make time for affection, intimacy, and sex. Schedule it if necessary. It’s very important for maintaining the connection and the uniqueness of the relationship.
Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help rather than struggling alone. The longer problems and conflicts are avoided, the more entrenched and complicated they become to unravel.
Power struggles, avoidance, distance, and disconnection don’t help in solving problems, but on the contrary, it deepens the void between you.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Do you love your partner, but do not feel in love? Do you feel disconnected or in conflict? Learn how to express yourself, so you can be heard and understood; recognize your blind spots, and uncover unconscious patterns that interfere with true intimacy. Whether dealing with a new dating relationship, increased work responsibilities, parenting, or an empty nest, your relationships are constantly changing and need to be adaptable and flexible. Learn skills with your partner, or on your own, to reconnect on an intimate level, reignite romance and increase compassionate attentiveness.
Specializations include helping couples recover from affairs, trust/jealousy issues, sexual problems including issues around performance and desire, date coaching and conflict resolution strategies. I also can help you evaluate whether you should stay or leave a relationship. Hour long sessions with email and text support in between, at no extra charge.