A majority of marriages start with enthusiasm, hope, and happiness of two people who are in love and committed to keeping it that way.
We often believe that we are the ones who are truly going to live “happily ever after”. But, as time goes by and our life together goes ahead, we come across many challenges and even find ourselves in scenarios we never thought could never happen to us.
It can be very painful and stressful to live in a marriage we are concerned about or doubtful about. “Should I stay or should I go“ is hard to question to ask oneself when both options seem so painful.
Being unhappy in marriage can be excruciating as you are constantly reminded of a failed relationship.
This article aims to help unhappy couples who are staying in an unhappy marriage revitalize their relationship.
But before we discuss that here are some unhappy marriage signs to look out for:
Ineffective communication skills and structure.
No more active and healthy arguments.
You don’t visualize a future together.
You live separate lives.
No more sex or physical affection in the marriage
You feel insecure in the marriage.
You don’t seem connected anymore.
So, if these signs of an unhappy marriage resonate with your relationship, here are some tips you can follow that could lead you to fix an unhappy marriage:
1) Make the first step
One wise poet once said: “Yes, the world could be better. But the problem is – no one wants to start first!” If all you do is “finger-pointing, “be sure you’re part of the problem, not the solution.
If you are unhappy in marriage, ask yourself what it is that you can change, how could you be better or do better. Every change in our world starts with ourselves, and nothing can change until we do.
If they know more about your feelings toward your marriage than the person you share it with, it’s a small chance you’ll ever make those feelings better.
So, speak up! Do what good friends do. Open and honest communication is the key element of every good relationship. Express yourself openly, ask about everything you want to know, and listen with attention.
You two are the only people who could ever solve your problems so, without your collaboration, it could never be done.
5) Go to counseling
If you try your best but still don’t feel able to find a common language with your husband/wife, if you feel lost and helpless despite the advice you listened and efforts you made, it would be very helpful to see things from the third perspective, an objective and professional one.
Whether you choose to go to a couple of counseling or prefer to do it yourself, the fresh approach of the therapist could be really helpful when it comes to getting your thoughts and feelings back to order.
Paradoxically, things can sometimes be too obvious for us to see them.
That’s why it’s so beneficial to hear an opinion of someone trained, impartial, and someone with whom we don’t have so many prejudices and emotions attached.
6) Tell the truth.
No matter how painful the truth can be, be sure that it is way harder to live in a lie.
Denial won’t change anything for the better; it will only stop you from learning, overcoming your difficulties, and moving ahead in life because, as one Navajo proverb says, you can’t wake the person who is pretending to be asleep.
And when it comes to telling the truth, it’s not easy, but still – the truth sets us free, the truth unburdens us and leads us to a more authentic and peaceful life. One way or another, but the truth always resolves things.
Also watch: Truth-telling in relationships, are we there yet?
7) See marriage is a two-way street
When we decide to take responsibility, give our best and do all that’s up to us, we come to the point where either we witness the transformation of our relationship, or we know we should move on.
We cannot have love in our lives if we don’t love ourselves and allow others to treat us the way we don’t deserve. You came here to experience life to its fullest, not to be a victim of your own or someone else’s fears.
Especially if you have children, they learn by example, and you don’t want to give them the one you wouldn’t like them to look up to.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.