The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds — they mature slowly. ~Peter De Vries
Marriage is a beautiful institution. It has the power to set the course of our lives. A strong marriage eases out the most difficult situations that come our way. But just like any other relationship, there will be tough spells when the feelings of love may seem to dry up. For most wedded veterans, the first year of marriage is the toughest and also the most important one. There will be plenty of new experiences, some good ones and some not so good ones. A simple change in pronouns from ‘me’ to ‘us’ can lead to a plethora of mixed feelings and reactions. The first year of marriage is filled with different, unanticipated experiences which may test your love and patience both. As you pass through these incidents, your relationship will become stronger and lay the foundation for the rest of your lives together.
Here, we bring to you 5 things that will take you by surprise in the first year of marriage-
1. Money matters
The idea of joint incomes and cash flows seems so pleasing but you must not forget all the responsibilities and liabilities that also come with joint incomes after marriage. Statistically, finances are a leading cause of troubles and fights between couples. According to a leading study conducted at Utah State University, couples who argue about finances at least once a week are 30% more likely to get divorced than those who argue few times in a month. So, you must always talk openly about the incomes and expenditures. Try to reach a healthy point of agreement on all issues related to money beforehand to minimize any conflicts on this topic. Don’t forget to inform your partner if there are any debts, prior to marriage.
2. You may have to struggle with managing your time
Balancing your individual schedules to make time for each other will be an important part of your relationship. Set achievable goals for spending time with your spouse and make the most of your time together. Focus on creating memories which will help you later during times of conflicts.
3. Don’t try to fix your spouse
Some people inherently try to fix the things around them if they feel something doesn’t go as per their planning or expectation. You may have done this when you were still dating. But things change post marriage. With additional pressures and expectations of this communion, this trait may come across as too bossy or domineering. You need to be easy in this new relationship. Learn to change yourself first before you find flaws in your spouse.
As someone rightly said- Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
4. Get used to new titles
It will feel different to address your fiance/long-term partner as your spouse. It will be thrilling to be acknowledged as Mr. and Mrs. together, publically. For some married people, this identity shift may be difficult to accept and wrap your head around. And yes! This is the time when you will officially bid goodbye to your single status.
5. You may have more arguments
You will have fights. It totally depends on you how you handle your circumstances. This might come as a rude reality check especially because prior to marriage your spouse may have handled arguments differently. But take them in your stride. Your spouse is as new to this union as you are. Accepting faults is part of being in love. Remember this!
Life is a bundle of surprises for everyone. We all hope to have a dream wedding and a great married life ahead. But only with time do we realize how life will unfold itself and how we will react to situations. “Any year of marriage can be hard and, perhaps because expectations are so high, the lows maybe hurt more in that first year,” says relationship counselor, Susie Tuckwell.
In a nutshell, to be able to lead a happy and peaceful life, we must always cherish what we own and count the blessings that we have. The first year of your marriage is definitely crucial but there’s a lifetime to be spent together and a lot of retakes waiting to happen, so don’t worry too much about the things that didn’t go as per your planning.