Talking About Feelings and Family In Your Marriage

Talking about feelings and family in your marriage

Couples who can survive the harshest of challenges in life together will have the most success in the long run. To make your relationship formidable, you should not just delve into the niceties of life. You should be able to discuss some of the most difficult issues as well.


Talking about difficult topics is undeniably uncomfortable for almost everyone, but it can also make your marriage stronger. In this conversation, we will talk about talking through negative feelings and the contentious topic of in-laws.

Negative feelings

When you know a person for a while, you may like everything about him or her. When you know a person for a lifetime, you may discover little things that bug you. Most people on this planet have a plethora of negative attributes. They may not be outright unpleasant, but they are still irritating. Everyone has preferences and dislikes. Over a period of time, you will develop some negative feelings about your spouse. You will also develop some positive feelings about them that you possibly did not have when you first them. While discussing the positive opinions is not a problem, sharing the negative feelings is an uphill task. When you do not share your negative feelings, they will pile up. They could provide the foundation for resentment, regret, or you could eventually get angry and may even stop seeing the person as you once perceived him or her.


In the end, you may not even feel in love with the person anymore and your relationship may be jeopardized. Talk about anything that bothers you and it may get resolved. Speaking about it will make your spouse aware of the issues and perhaps you two can work on it, rectify doubts, and correct what is wrong. If your perception or understanding is wrong, then that can be sorted out as well.


Have this difficult conversation with your spouse: let’s talk about the little things that bother us about each other in a loving way. What can we do together to improve this situation?


If your in-laws do not interfere in your relationship, then there is nothing to worry about. However, if you have some unreasonable problems with your in-laws, then you should change the way you think. If your in-laws are intervening in your marriage and your spouse is not averting it, then you need to talk. Do not argue, do not let anger or resentment develop, and certainly do not lambast everyone or make yourself aloof. Talk to your partner alone, explain it to him or her in a rational and unbiased way, and then get together with your in-laws and discuss the issues.


Have this difficult conversation with your spouse: I’m really upset about a situation with your family, and I would like to talk it through with you. What can we do together to improve this situation?

Debbie McFadden
Counselor, LCSW, MSW, DMin
Dr. Debbie McFadden is a co-owner and Clinical Director at Village Counseling Center and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Dr. McFadden has been in private practice since 1994, working extensively with adults and couples, specializing in women’s issues. She has completed specialized training in critical incident management to work with victims of severe trauma.

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