Lucky you! You are ready to be in a wonderful, happy and healthy relationship. Here are some simple rules to make sure that you get what you want: a great relationship that stays the course for the long term.
How to build a great relationship
A satisfying relationship begins with two healthy people.
Before you put yourself out there on the dating market, make sure you are the best person you can be as a single person. Do not go into the dating world thinking that you need a partner to make you complete.
Take time to invest in your own personal happiness. Happy people attract other happy people. If you want to attract a worthy lifetime partner, work on your own mental and emotional balance, peace and joy.
Eat healthfully which will contribute to a feeling of well-being, as well as bring your body to an optimal weight. Exercise not only to stay fit and in shape, but to keep your moods even-keeled and stable.
Do outreach in your community, such as volunteer work, in order to support those in need and build your own sense of generosity. All of these things show a potential match that you are a healthy person and deserve another equally healthy person. This is the base of a great relationship.
Choose carefully, especially on internet dating platforms
There are those who will date anyone with whom they “match” on a dating platform. Who has time to do that?
Choose your matches carefully; this is not a lottery.
You want to have a relationship that lasts long term, not a series of empty one-night stands, right? So before you start swiping, identify the traits you want in a long-term partner. Your list might include financial stability, similar religious beliefs, tall with dark hair, no children, must love dogs…anything that you prioritize and know would contribute to building your ideal, loving relationship.
Then, as you peruse the dating profiles, keep that list at the forefront of your mind. Don’t be swept away by a series of handsome photos if the profile reads “not looking for anything serious right now.” You would be wasting your valuable dating time on that person, and not moving towards your goal.
Make sure your partner is on the same page
Just like you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.
You cannot build a lasting relationship with a partner who isn’t looking for the same thing you are looking for.
The first time your partner says something like “I just like to live things day to day, improvise, and see where the wind blows me”, believe him. He is telling you he isn’t in this for the long term. He is a person who lives now, in the present, with no thought to constructing a solid future with you (or anyone).
Don’t stay around trying to change him or convince him of the merits of investing in a lasting relationship; you will only be met with disappointment (and waste time).
One simple rule to make your relationship last? Make sure your partner wants to be in a relationship that lasts, too.
Be realistic about the limits of passionate love
What do all lasting relationships have in common? The people involved are realistic about the differences between passionate love and companionship love. Passionate love is that love force that gets a couple together in the first place. Those heady early days of a relationship when the outside world seems to disappear every time you are together.
When you focus uniquely on each other. Your sex life is hot, you daydream about each other, you are walking on a cloud 24/7 and can’t wait to see each other at each and every opportunity.
Companionship love is what takes place after several years together.
A lasting relationship accepts that love evolves and does not stay at the passionate level forever.
You will have moments of passion, of course, but not non-stop. When this transformation from passion to companionship occurs, you do not jump ship and seek a new partner just to feel the passionate high.
You move gracefully into the companionship part of the relationship, knowing that the shared love, security, and safe harbor provided by your partner is just as wonderful as those early days of passionate lovemaking.
Couples who recognize the value in this stage of a relationship are likely to have a relationship that lasts over time.
Reciprocal prioritizing of each other
Another component that you will want to make sure you include to have a relationship that lasts is reciprocal priorities. This simply means that both of you make each other a priority. Your partner needs to be first on your list, above the children, above your parents, and above your work obligations.
That doesn’t mean neglecting the other things on your list. It means showing gratitude each and every day towards this important person in your life.
Many divorces occur because one partner feels invisible or taken for granted.
To make your relationship last, remember to pay attention to your partner every day.
A quick text saying “I’m thinking of you” or a phone call midday to check in on how things are going…this little attention doesn’t need to be huge gestures, but they show you are prioritizing your number one person. That makes both of you feel good.
In sum, in order to make your relationship last, you will want to
- Be the best version of yourself you can be before you start looking for a long-term partner
- Choose your potential partners carefully
- Make sure they want what you want
- Recognize that the passion present at the beginning of the relationship will evolve into something different, and that’s normal
- Always make your partner a priority