If experience is the ultimate teacher, then going through a break up must be the hardest life lessons break-ups teach you. The pain lingers. Your hopes, dreams, and ambitions are never the same. When you lose everything, you see the world from a fresh perspective.
Gone are the rose-tinted glasses that distort your view of reality. Washed with tears, your eyes now see a clear view — a better chance to navigate the path that lies ahead. Important life lessons I’ve learnt after a break up still live on in me.
If you have not been through a breakup and are wondering what can you learn from a break up? Or you find yourself asking what lessons have you learned from past relationships?
Then, listed are five relationship facts that you learn from a breakup.
1. Relationships take a lot of work
It may not seem like it in the beginning, but a committed relationship is pretty much like getting a job. You have to show up, perform, and know what’s expected of you, so you can deliver — every single day. And above all, you must be getting something out of it.
Love can be so blissful in the beginning, it feels like you can just sit back and let the “magic” do its work. But no — relationships can’t work on autopilot. Both parties must put exert effort and make sure that the other feels loved, protected, and valued. Otherwise, the bond will disintegrate.
Understanding the degree of commitment a relationship requires from you is one of the hard-won lessons you can only learn from a breakup.
2. We are all flawed
When you met your partner for the first time, didn’t you swear that you found the most adorable, the cutest, the loveliest person in the world? It felt like nothing could go wrong. Yet here you are — swearing that nothing worse than your ex could ever have happened in your life.
What went wrong? We put our partners in a pedestal only to be disappointed. We don’t see our own flaws until somebody decides to leave because of them. A breakup forces us to learn that nothing is ever perfect, especially human beings. It is a painful fact that we learn when we lose.
3. Each person has their own desires in life
How many couples have “fallen apart” or “failed to grow together”? Not every person has the same set of goals in life. If they do in the beginning of a relationship, things are bound to change.
People grow, mature, and can become someone you never thought they would be. Each of us lives according to a unique set of values, standards, and attitudes. This is why we make some decisions that tend to disappoint other people.
The brutal end of a relationship teaches exactly this — just because you’re together doesn’t mean that you want the same experiences in life. At the end of the day, we choose our own path to happiness. It may or may not be the path that your partner chooses to take, and you have to accept it.
4. Everybody has limits and you need to set them
If you believe that “love has no limits”, then only a breakup will convince you otherwise. You can be a martyr and tolerate every behavior that your partner is willing to show. But if a relationship isn’t meant to last, then no amount of “unconditional love” can save it.
You can’t expect that your partner will forgive you every single time, just because they love you, or you love them. Love feels like the greatest thing in the world until it is gone. This is why we should never take it for granted, and always acknowledge the fact that is never given for free.
5. Nothing ever stays the same
People grow, evolve and change. Seasons progress and rivers change their course. A relationship, no matter how happy in the beginning, cannot account for a lifetime of bliss. When you lose what was “once perfect”, you will understand what this means.
If you intend to stay together for a lifetime, you must hold on through the coming and going of all seasons. Learn to love the new person that each of you becomes through every year and each phase of life.
The person that you are at 21 will not be the same at 34 — but don’t you expect to be loved just the same? Be ready to show this attitude to your partner. Make them feel accepted through all the changes in life. After all, you don’t need to lose anything before realizing what it’s worth.