Are you looking for some great, wise and quotable pieces of advice from those in the relationship trenches?  We’ve got just the ticket! We’ve polled a large group of couples to ask them to share their best relationship advice.  These are people from all over the world, from couples just starting out to retired folks, and they’ve seen it all. Let’s have a look at what we can learn from these people!

How many people get married because ‘everyone else is getting married,’ or ‘my family was pressuring me to get married’ or ‘we’ve been together for years, might as well make it legal’?  These are not the best reasons to be together. What are some good reasons? You can’t imagine your life without this person. Their happiness is vital to your happiness. You miss them when they are not by your side.  You simply are a better person when they are around.” Greg, 53

This quote is about being realistic regarding what good, healthy love is.  It is unrealistic and harmful to think that your libidos will always be as high as they are in the first years of marriage.  Yes, you will still be loving and close in a good relationship as the years progress, but sexual activity will ebb and flow. Do you feel seen, heard, loved?  That is something you want to tune into when wondering how your long-term relationship is faring.” Monica, 66.

Your relationship doesn’t just become happy and healthy by chance.  Good love is obtained by actively tending to the relationship, especially during challenging moments.  You need to keep this in mind and decide, each morning, to get up and show your love and gratitude to your partner.  It doesn’t have to be in large dramatic ways. A nice hot cup of coffee brought to them as they prepare for the day is just one way you can tend to your love garden.” Sheila, 35.

So many couples shy away from going deep into the tougher subjects of their relationship, fearing that these conversations will create conflict.  But it is exactly these moments that serve to strengthen your love bonds. Just know how to talk about these things with respect and kindness, and always pick a good time for the conversation… don’t try to squeeze this in between dinner, homework, and housecleaning.”  Daniel, 67.

A good relationship is only as healthy as the two people in it.  For your relationship to be a happy one, each of you needs to be attentive to your own, individual happiness.  This means self-care is a priority. Don’t rely on your partner to be your personal entertainment system—have your own hobbies and passions.  Take care of your inner health by practicing yoga, meditation or something that helps you feel balanced and whole. And don’t eat junk! It will only serve to make you feel bad.  Make sure your diet is filled with fruit, vegetables, lean proteins and whole grains. You’ll feel amazing, and this will transfer over to your relationship. Look for models of great relationships, and you will see that they are composed of two people who take care of themselves as individuals so that they can join together and form one terrific, healthy team.” Larry, 50.

Being in a relationship does not mean living in each other’s pockets 24/7.  For a relationship to grow, each person needs their own breathing space. Figure out what that would look like for you…a room of your own in your house where you can set up space just how you like it, or time for your own thing—one weekend a month to take off with your friends, or just have a quiet retreat somewhere by yourself.  Headspace is important, and it may seem counterintuitive because we always hear how people in love should be joined at the hip, but that actually works against the relationship. There’s a lot of joy in doing your own thing, and then coming back home and sharing the experience with your partner. It renews the relationship and helps your partner see that you are your own, vibrant person.”  Monica, 27.

So many people complain that their spouse “isn’t like they were when we first married.  They’ve changed.” Hey! Change is what life is all about. Rather than wanting your partner to remain the person they were when you first met, you want to validate their growth, their evolution and their life experiences, just as you should your own.  Encourage exploration, learning, and discovery in each other.” Randy, 64.

This comes from the British writer Laurence Durell.  He might not be the best expert about relationships since he was married four times, but this line is a great quote.