Partners Divided (By State Lines Only)

Partners Divided (By State Lines Only)

“You and Your partners out of state living”

There are difficult conversations and rules that need to be made now that you are adjusting to your new living arrangement.  We will look at 4 areas that need to be addressed:

  • Feelings
  • Adjustments
  • Priorities
  • Deadlines


What do the difficult conversations look like when discussing thoughts and new feelings about days, and nights apart?  You have lived in the same state throughout your marriage and now one of you must spend weeks away for business, or to care for family.  How do you feel about this change? Was this a joint decision that one partner commute regularly for a period, or live away for extended periods?  What do you feel when your partner is not home (alone in the home you planned to live in permanently together)?  Are you feeling fear, anxiety, sadness, or loneliness?  How does your partner feel?  Are you having daily conversations about your feelings, and your day?  Do you feel separated by state lines, or, separated without a connection to your partner?  Are you mindful of how your thoughts are influencing your feelings, and behavior?  How are you nurturing yourself and your partner?


What do the difficult conversations look like when discussing change?  What will be different now that your partner is living away?  Who will do the chores, how have roles changed?  How often do the children see the commuting parent?  How have the children’s lives been impacted?  Does the commuting partner still assist with business, family, and home duties when they return to the joint home?  Or, are they too exhausted from travel?  Have you discussed what you expect from your partner?  What are the new rules, and roles you play within the family?   What does intimacy look like now that you are spending several nights apart?  How do you ensure an emotional connection to your partner despite spending less time together?  Are you empathizing with your partner during this period of adjustment?


How do you define the new normal in your living arrangement?  How have your priorities changed?  What does returning home from work look like now?  Who is supporting you when you are away from your partner (who assists you with dual demands)? Are there added individual’s you must commit to?  Are you lending the same to your relationship that you are requiring from your partner? What commitments can you make and keep?  How are the needs of the family being met?  How do you organize your commitments?  


What do the difficult conversations look like while discussing a time to return to the old normal?  Are you taking it day by day, or planning your living arrangements? Could you see yourself living this way forever? How long will you live apart for extended periods?  Is there a plan in place for the future?  

Begin and end by meeting the needs of your family.  Your location does not rule your spirit.  You are partners divided by state lines only.  Maintain an emotional connection to your partner.


Janelle is an experienced psychotherapist, she established Life Balance Counseling private practice in Aurora, Colorado August 2011. She works with a vast population. She specializes in anxiety, grief, loss, ADHD, and relationship conflict. She guides clients so they may achieve balance in their lives by accessing resources, fostering healthy relationships, managing stress, using healthy coping skills, sustaining self-worth, and value. She completed her master’s degree in Counseling from Regis University. She is a member of the American Counseling Association, Rho Upsilon Chi- Chi Sigma Iota, and the Colorado Black Chamber of Commerce.

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