Fondness, passion, and intense affection towards someone is a must for any relationship or marriage. You are bound to feel attached to your partner considering the amount of time, and the quality of time you have spent with them.
They have given you the care and attention you have always wanted, so how can be attached to them be a problem? Well, it’s only a problem when you don’t completely understand and know about the kind of attachment you feel.
Types of attachments
Theorists suggest that the kind of attachment you develop is influenced by the kind of love or care was given to you by your parents or guardians in early life. Their treatment shapes up your priorities, your needs and your ideas of right wrong.
The way a person gets attached to their partner also reflects how they were taken care of during early-age.
There are four main types of attachments
1. Secure attachment
Securely attached people may experience distress or sadness when their attachment separates from them, but they are sure and confident that their attachment will return.
Such people have a sense of security and have a more optimistic approach to their relationships, attachments and even about themselves. This kind of attachment is often associated with a childhood where they were brought up with comfort, love, and care.
These children when growing up are more likely to seek help from their caregivers or people they are attached to easily.
2. Disorganized attachment
This type of partner attachment style usually involves the person being fearful of their attachment.
This is usually associated with a childhood where the child experienced a lot of chaos, bitter behavior, abuse, and trauma. They have a constant sense of insecurity and may need reassurance every once in a while. They may show signs of mixed behavior and even state of confusion.
3. Ambivalent attachment
This type of partner attachment style involves the person having trust issues, or being unable to believe that their attachment will come back to them or will be there for them in times of need.
Such people are less likely to seek help from their partners and may show aggression when separated and then reunited. This type of attachment develops when a child does not have enough attention of their parents or caretaker and are less likely to depend on them when they grow up.
4. Avoidant attachment
People with this type of partner attachment style tend to bottle up their feelings and be less expressive.
They will miss their partners when separated, but when reunited, they will avoid them and will not express any feelings to them. This may develop when a child is neglected by his or her parents in early age, and tend to prefer staying or playing alone.
What impact does your attachment have on your relationships?
Expressing your emotions, feelings or your thoughts is the foundation of all successful relationships. How do different types of attachment affect our relationship
Well, if someone from a neglectful childhood (developing avoidant attachment) grows up and gets into a relationship, their failure to express and communicate their feelings will hinder their way to success. They will avoid situations where they need to talk about how and what they feel, and will also be unable to understand their partner’s thoughts and emotions.
You may develop a distant relationship with your partner.
Expressiveness is not the only foundation. To be able to share your feelings with someone, you also need to trust them first.
A person with the ambivalent style of attachment will remain pessimistic about themselves, and their partner will have doubts and a number of trust issues.
Lack of trust issues and the need for regular reassurances may make the relationship more anxious. While attachment may be a good sign for relationships, this type is a sign of danger. You can also get into conflicts with your partner, or offend them by constantly doubting them and their commitment to you.
Fearing someone you supposedly love or are attached to doesn’t go well. Disorganized style of attachment often involves mixed and random behaviors and reactions. You react to similar situations in a different manner each time.
Once you could be avoiding your partner and another time you could be expressing a lot of emotion. This pattern of disorganized and unexpected behaviors may give the other person a tough time understanding and evaluating what you really want or need.
Since now we know for a fact that your attachment style develops from your early childhood, it may be impossible to change your or your partner’s attachment style completely.
However, dealing with and tackling with different styles may make things easier for your relationship. Our past plays a great role in making us who we are today, shapes our habits, our values, and our preferences. When you vow to spend your life with someone, you are also making a promise to respect and understand their past.