Does your relationship feel lukewarm? Do your feet not touch in bed anymore? Does it feel like there is a huge chasm between you and your partner?
You’re not fighting, but you are also not connecting in meaningful ways much either.
It’s not clear what is wrong. Maybe there isn’t any one source of conflict other than the energy you put towards nurturing your relationship in the past has now waned and faded.
How can you wake-up your relationship then?
We have mentioned five easy steps by which you can share a more connected relationship with your partner:
1. Take a temperature reading regularly
Be the relationship gatekeeper.
Most couples don’t check in with each other enough to see how they are doing as a couple.
Like a plant, relationships need to be watered and cared for on a consistent basis.
You can ask your partner questions such as-
- How are we doing?
- What do you need from me? Or,
- What can I do to help us feel more connected?
Has your partner ever asked you similar questions?
2. Plan fun and exciting events that you can both enjoy together
Planning exciting events together helps your partner understand how attuned you are to their interests with a desire to meet their needs.
This level of awareness is crucial for couples to keep their relationships stimulated by increasing their knowingness about the other through shared adventures and experiences.
3. Notice and accept bids for connectedness from your partner
Most of us are so busy with our lives that we are unaware when our partner is reaching out to us.
Are you looking at your laptop when your partner asks how your day was? Did you barely notice that your partner was trying to connect with you? How many times in a day does that happen, on both sides?
Often when bids are missed, someone eventually gives up and stops asking. This is exactly what creates detached lukewarm relationships. So, catch the ball by making good eye contact, so your partner knows you heard them and answered their question.
4. Take time out to listen and empathize with each other
Learning how to hear each other, without problem-solving or fixing can do wonders for your relationship.
After all, isn’t that the reason why many of us partner up so that we don’t have to be alone with conflicts and struggles?
Make sure you both agree to just hear the other, without judgment or blame. And really try to understand your partner’s point of view. Then switch roles. You’ll feel closer to your partner and be better understood.
5. Ask open-ended questions
Be curious about your partner’s day to day experiences. Get them to talk about their day with more detail or news about family/friends, interests, and even politics.
Being curious and interested builds your friendship system.
Smart couples know that friendship is the foundation for satisfying, fulfilling relationships, long past when the kids go off to college.