Every second of Every minute of Every hour of Every day of Every week of Every month of Every year I remember the love for my spouse (sounds like a rudimentary love song); often life’s events shift our consistent intent and provoke our triggered thoughts. With busy lives and current events, things do not always go as planned in marriages. It is important to check in and make sure you are doing your part to maintain the relationship as a unit. Lessons of the past, staying present, and looking forward to the future with your partner during the calm and storm is beneficial. There are questions that couples can genuinely ask themselves as reminders to maintain their marriage.
Do you remember your first chance meeting?
What was going on in your individual lives when you met your spouse? Were you in a healthy place at the time you met your partner? How do you nurture yourself (so you can be healthy for self and those around you)? What did you think you wanted in a relationship? How did this change or stay the same when you met your partner? Did you have any unfinished business to attend to prior to meeting your partner? Are you honest about your position in life and the relationship? What similarities do you share with your partner? What complementary differences do you share? How did you visualize the relationship progressing? Were boundaries and limits discussed and negotiated with your partner?
Do you remember the decision you made to be exclusive?
Did you ask your partner to be exclusive? Did your partner ask you to be exclusive? Or, was there an assumption of exclusivity? How do you maintain fidelity in the relationship?
Do you remember building your relationship?
Do you verbalize your expectations in your relationship? Do you remember the challenging times? Do you remember what brought you together? Do you remember the work you put into the relationship? Do you remember the spoken and unspoken promises? How do you keep your end of the bargain?
Do you remember saying I will? Therefore, I do?
Why did you make the decision to build a life with your partner? Why do you say this is my life partner? What is unique about your partner? What is unique about you with your partner? How do you express gratitude for one another? How do you express appreciation in your relationship?
Do you remember your support system?
Who has supported your relationship? Who do you mutually lean on for support? What support system do you have with similar morals, and beliefs? Is there an agreement in place addressing who is safe to discuss privileged information with pertaining to the marriage?
Do you remember maintenance of the relationship?
How do you make sure that you check in with your partner? How do you check on your partner? Do you put your partner first? Do you consider your partner’s feelings before making decisions? What is in your bag of tools? How do you cope with loss, sickness, suffering, and challenges? Is there structure, how do you and your partner triumph through the challenging times?
Do you remember to love your partner every day of every week?
Do you withhold love? Do you express love during the tough times? Do you stick to the plan in the marriage? Do you stick to the rules of the marriage? Do you change the rules without consulting with your partner? How are deal-breakers addressed in your relationship?
How is your memory revealed to your partner?
What is your love language? How do you make sure your partner reads you right? Do you listen to your partner for understanding? Does your partner listen for understanding? Do you do away with mind reading and assumptions? Are you big on clarification and effective communication?
Ask these questions to yourself and your spouse and you will get the answer if your love life is getting enough priority as it deserves.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Janelle Johnson