Many have searched the world over trying to find that specific key that opens the door to eternal happiness.
It can be as daunting as trying to decide which eye cream to purchase for all the new wrinkles that keep creeping in year after year. Both require a certain mindset which involves knowing yourself.
The one person everybody says they know quite well ends up in a trial and error dilemma wondering how they fell down the rabbit hole; wrinkles and all.
Not to say the rabbit hole doesn’t have its benefits
You may meet many different people, have many adventures and experience many different emotions but they all may have one thing one common.
They are all the same person, the same adventure, the same emotion; they just have a different face and name.
Many women fall into this rut of dating the same person repeatedly
Many women fall into this rut of dating the same person over and over again in hopes of gaining a different result, but to no avail, the key to happiness is never found.
I counsel many individuals that have the same story at different intervals of their life and still remain dumbfounded as to why they aren’t fulfilled. They always seem surprised when I have a simple request; tell me what you need and tell me what you want.
Their forehead starts to crinkle, their mouth smirks to one side of their face as the wheels in their head start to turn. Finally, a smile appears and they inevitably tell me what they don’t want and don’t need in a mate and in life.
Also watch: How to Find Happiness in Your Marriage
It is much easier to know exactly what you don’t want and need
Actually, it is much easier to know exactly what you don’t want and need because you have all those horrible past relationships and events that have been burned into your brain and you know you don’t want to repeat it.
Being able to pinpoint the opposite is much harder and requires a lot of thought; thoughts that are entirely about yourself; no one else. This is your own rabbit hole and you have the only key that’s a perfect fit.
Start by making a list of the top ten wants and needs
Start by making a list of the top ten wants and needs that you seek in a relationship and out of life in general. This is your outline of happiness.
This is what you will follow and use as your measuring stick. When a potential event or relationship comes your way, evaluate it against your list and see if it provides the inner satisfaction you have been seeking.
If not, move on! Do not settle; that would just be repeating all the errors of the past.
Knowing what you want and need helps you walk to your own beat down the rabbit hole. Now you know what you are seeking. Many adjust their list as they go through life so it must be reevaluated periodically; this is completely normal, but the foundation of their list normally remains the same.
Recognize your deal breakers
One caution is many realize some things on the want list are actually misplaced. They should be on the needs list. You’ll know because it will feel like oxygen to you! You must have it or it’s a deal breaker! That’s how you know it’s a need, not just a want.
So enjoy the rabbit hole, just make sure you know exactly where you are every step of the way.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Tracy is a clinical therapist in private practice and has been a university professor of microbiology and pathophysiology for 18 years. Her specialities include relationships, family systems, and life transitions such as preparing for marriage, divorcing, blended families and treating patients with a dual diagnosis. A special area of treatment includes individuals suffering from mood disorders and chronic health conditions, including infertility. She has extensive experience and research working with women suffering from unexplained infertility, endometriosis and other reproductive associated illnesses. She is a facilitator and certified trainer for Prepare/Enrich Assessments, member of the American Counseling Association, American School Counselors Association, The TN. Licensed Professional Counseling Association and The American Society of Reproductive Medicine. She is an award-winning author of four novels and currently resides in Tennessee.