Getting Through the Endless Drudgery of Life While Still Keeping Your Relationship Intact

Getting Through the Endless Drudgery of Life While Still Keeping Your Relationship Intact

The battle cry of the modern conflict. Blame, frustration, and downright exhaustion characterize many troubled relationships. The real culprit?  An energy crisis. If we were to look at energy from a budgetary standpoint, we might notice that no matter what we do, we’re always in the red. Families today are overextended. Raising those kids is a lot more expensive than it used to be, and we don’t want to miss out on anything … no one wants to put their career on hold or forego the joys of ballet lessons, cub scouts, or Zumba.  We’re smart, driven people, right? We run companies, surely we can run a household!

We put in our 8 (on a good day) hours at work, then walk through the door at home to embark on our second job … family.  We’re overexposed, overextended and overwhelmed. We use the skills that make us successful in the workplace. We evaluate efficiency in the organization and look to delegate.  The blame and explanation begins. It is rampant in society at large and oozes into our breakfast nooks and living rooms. “I am maxed out… I can’t do any more … YOU need to step up and fill the gaps!”  

Accept you’re both maxed out.

Relax at times!

Sometimes ignore the dirty dishes, the scattered toys and the overgrown grass in the yard and other chores. Days in which you are exhausted beyond limits when even slogging through the day seems impossible and the chaos feels unbearable, look at each other and acknowledge that THIS SUCKS.  There IS no ready solution. Some days, life looks more like The Walking Dead than How I Met Your Mother, but you’re in it TOGETHER. Preserve your relationship by joining together emotionally in the crazy of it all and laugh at yourselves. Accept that this is the price tag on the lifestyle you have chosen and that you might have chosen differently if someone had told you how hard some days would be!

Relax at times!

Protect what really matters- Your relationship

We don’t, as a culture, have good skills for what to do when there’s no immediate answer, but sometimes there really is no answer.  The choice you have isn’t about how to be organized enough to get everything done, but rather how to protect what really matters, which is the ability to look across the dinner table and see the good in the other person.  To see a person who is struggling, perhaps, not more or less than yourself, and is doing their best. That way, when the storm subsides, when there are fewer diapers, or soccer games, or science projects, or house projects, you still like each other.

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Karen Fagan
Counselor, LPC
Karen Fagan lives in Denver, CO where she has maintained a thriving psychotherapy practice for more than 17 years. Her methods are eclectic, and clients enjoy her straightforward, no-nonsense (with a good dose of humor!) approach to counseling. Karen combines her belief in the importance of relationship and communication with her love of horses and takes her work on the road as a co-facilitator for the “Horse Sense for Leaders” program, providing leadership and management seminars for organizations throughout the country.

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