Are you the type of person who can feel jealous in a relationship?
A small degree of jealousy is normal. You see your boyfriend spending a little too much time chatting up that hot co-worker at your office Christmas party, so feeling jealous and insecure can be a normal reaction.
But too much jealousy, the kind where you are stalking his social media all the time and calling him on every woman who comments on his posts? That can be destructive to not only your relationship but your everyday peace of mind.
Jealousy is a feeling that comes from a low sense of self-worth. Because you don’t feel secure, you get worried and anxious when your partner is interested in someone else.
Jealous people feel threatened that their partner will find someone else more attractive and leave them.
The jealous person feels that they have little to offer and that all it would take for their partner to leave them is another woman, “better” than them.
A little bit of jealousy may be flattering to your partner. They may see this as a sign that you truly love them, and they are correct. But an unnatural-level of jealousy is not flattering. It can indicate a deeper mental health issue.
What are some indications of an unhealthy level of jealousy in relationships?
1. The person wants all of your free time
When love is new it is normal to want to be with your love interest as much as possible.
Healthy people understand that this is not always feasible. People have to work, they have responsibilities outside of work, they like to go to the gym, do their own hobbies, etc.
The super-jealous person resents time spent away from them and they let their partner know this by whining, complaining, sometimes even crying.
That’s a red flag of jealousy in a relationship.
2. They look for “signs” that you are cheating on them
The jealous person is always suspicious of what you are doing when not with them.
They don’t trust you, not because you have given them a reason not to trust you, but because their default is that you are unfaithful if not with them.
If you have an incoming text, they’ll immediately want to know who it is from.
If you leave your phone out and open, they will go through your messages and email. If you are out with buddies at night, the jealous person will call you just to make sure you are where you said you would be.
3. They criticize your outside interests
A jealous person will be jealous not only of your other friends but of how you spend your free time.
They see these things like competition and a threat to themselves. So they will denigrate your passions, calling them infantile or a waste of time.
They will find fault with your family and mock your friends. Their goal is to separate you from everything that takes you away from them, even for a day.
That is a prominent sign of very unhealthy jealousy in relationships!
4. The person freaks out if they can’t get ahold of you
The jealous person cannot stand it if you’ve turned off your phone because you are in a meeting, or having a nap.
You didn’t text them back immediately? Be prepared for some conflict.
Your lack of response means that you are paying attention to something other than them, and for the jealous person, that’s unacceptable.
If you are recognizing yourself in any of these descriptions, you will want to work on reducing or eliminating the unhealthy jealousy in relationships.
They will drive away your intimate relationships.
If, you are struggling with how to stop being jealous in a relationship, watch this video by Noah Elkrief.
Here are some tips for reducing your feelings of jealousy in relationships.
1. Feelings don’t have to be acted upon
How to not be jealous? Well, for starters, when you start feeling the green-eyed monster, stop and acknowledge it.
Yes, you are feeling jealous. But it can stop there. It is difficult to stop being jealous, however, there is no need to do anything but feel this feeling.
Fighting jealousy in relationships is not easy, but an acknowledgment of your state of mind can help you make peace with the situation and help in getting over jealousy, subsequently.
Distract yourself by doing something that makes you feel great. A meditation session with some affirmations, for example.
2. Remind yourself that you cannot control your partner
How to overcome jealousy in a healthy, adaptive way? One of the tips to get over jealousy is to understand that jealousy can be a silent relationship killer.
When your jealous feelings make you want to keep constant tabs on where your partner is at all times, remember: uncertainty is part of normal life. The absence of the other does not mean they are with another person.
But controlling them is not a guarantee that they will stay with you.
In fact, it will probably lead to them leaving you. Overcome jealousy in relationships before it poisons your life. Ultimately, it is all about timely self-awareness.
3. Rethink about how you think about relationships
Love does not mean that both partners will never be attracted to anyone else, so stop being insecure.
It is normal for both of you to find other people nice-looking.
There’s no need to throw a jealous fit because your partner says he finds Kate Upton gorgeous. You have a secret thing for Ryan Gosling, right? “You may be on a diet but that doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu”, as the saying goes. It is also unreasonable to be jealous of past relationships,
One of the ways to get rid of jealousy is to recalibrate your expectations from your partner and the relationship.
Stopping jealousy in relationships is no easy feat. Seeking therapy for jealousy and insecurity can help you break free from your negative emotions instead of grappling with it alone.
If you have unrealistic expectations about what a relationship should look like, do some work with a therapist to reform these expectations, and help eradicate your feelings of jealousy.
An expert, credible third-party intervention gives you the right insights on how to deal with jealousy in a marriage or advice on overcoming jealousy and insecurity in close relationships.
4. Believe in your own love-ability
Most feelings of jealousy in relationships come from a place of feeling unworthy of love.
So, how to stop being jealous in a relationship and overcome the anxiety and rage it fills you up with?
Work on enhancing your self-esteem and your set of beliefs about your own value.
You will see that when you treasure yourself, your feelings of jealousy towards others will diminish. You’ll be on your way to living in a more positive, balanced and happy frame of mind.
Hopefully, these tips to get over jealousy in a relationship will help you recognize, and let go of the most useless, destructive emotion, and relinquish it.
As the famous quote from Bob Marley goes on how to get over jealousy issues, ” Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief, and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!”
So, don’t be shamed by jealousy in relationships, open the door to acknowledging it and learning how to handle jealousy in a relationship.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.