Most people want to be the best versions of themselves. Human nature being what it is, most of us look forward to improving in various aspects of life, be it professional or personal front.
In marriage, a comfort factor where both partners feel at ease with each other is a happy place, but there can be problems with this.
When a husband feels that he can don stretchy sweatpants and a stained tee shirt and disappear into his man cave and spend hours there by himself, perhaps it is time for him to become a better husband.
The occasional man cave foray is fine, but a habitual lengthy session calls for an intervention.
So, how to be a better husband?
We have assembled a team of experts to give marriage advice for husbands. A better husband will make for a happier wife, and the end result is a happier marriage. Win, win, win!
The first expert
Guy Tanof is a highly-respected professional in marital couples therapy. His is one approach on how to be a better husband.
Guy started out by describing his method, “I try to look at things logically as we marital counselors have been trained to do. But certain subjects such as ways to be a better husband may defy logic in that every individual case is a bit different.”
“It is indeed hard to quantify what makes a better husband, but I think it is best to gather a sampling of what professionals have to say on this topic.”
Guy continued, “If I could only give one bit of advice, this is what it would be.”
The number one piece of advice
Here is Guy’s number one piece of advice in his own words, “One of my best tips to be a better husband is to be a good listener. He should be actively listening, not just hearing.”
“Hearing is the physical process; listening demands conscious attention. Really listen to your partner, and focus on what they are saying. Good listening involves more than just keeping your mouth closed, and just letting your partner talk.”
“Try to think about what your partner is saying. Fully comprehend what they are saying before you speak.” Guy then added, “Another perspective on how to be a better spouse can be gained from my colleague, Luke Tannenbaum. His expertise in this area is well-known.”
Another perspective on the qualities of a good husband
Luke’s number one piece of advice on how to be a great husband, is to stay in the moment. He further clarified, “Yeah. It’s the attention. You have to give your wife attention when you are talking with her. Even if the subject is not that serious,”
He added, “A good husband just focuses in and gives attention to whatever the wife is doing or saying, but sometimes it is easier said than done of course. Consciously, giving your rapt attention to your spouse can emotionally satisfy them.”
“So attention goes hand in hand with active listening, Looking straight into your partner’s eyes implies attention is being given. Husbands should remember that not all languages are spoken.” Luke finished.
Watch this video to learn about ten ways to have a better conversation:
One more view on how to be a better husband
Lorraine Hansen is a psychologist who deals mainly with married couples. Her top piece of advice: “The husband’s role in marriage is to be supportive of most, but not all of the wife’s desires and decisions. And, certainly not those which affect both of you!”
“It is up to you both to harmonize. By being realistic here, marriage is about compromising on many things. But, ultimately you both have to feel like the choices were made by both the husband and wife in unison.”
She continued, “Compromising on little things like where to go for dinner can be easy enough. The difficult questions which arise in most marriages–where to live, whether to have children or not–those questions will probably take longer to answer, but in these important areas it is vital for both partners to arrive at a consensus,” she finished.
Other Resources on being a great husband
Aside from professional psychologists and counselors, there are many resources that can help in learning how to be a better husband. Think about happily married people you already know.
Depending on what your relationship with those people is like, you may want to ask them questions such as “what makes for a good husband?” and “how can one be a better husband?”
You may be surprised at their answers! At the very least, the conversation will be an interesting one!
If you are religious, another source for advice would be your religious leader. It is quite possible for your spiritual leader to give you good suggestions on how to become a better husband, relevant to your situation.
So, for the final words, here are the excerpts from all the pieces of valuable advice on being a better husband discussed above: Listen attentively, speak thoughtfully, compromise occasionally, and be tactful when the situation calls for it.
Come to think of it, these qualities which make up being a good husband are the same qualities which will help you achieve success in other areas in life. Not a bad “twofer”!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.